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writetomyheart2014-10-16 11:33 am
snow.livejournal.com) wrote in writetomyheart2014-10-16 11:33 am
[team three] Apology
Hello! I have feelings. Here they are. Spoilers for Sexy Zone Channel ep 17, sort of? (Just in case.)
Chuckling at something on his phone, Shori realizes that his voice is echoing in complete silence, and quickly glances around the van. Everyone else is fast asleep, having re-arranged their seating arrangements and contorted into uncomfortable positions that will probably leave them with sore backs and stiff necks in addition to any other injuries sustained from jumping off a damn cliff, but Shori can't seem to relax enough to join them, and a short but purposeful exhalation tells him that Sou can't either. Shori turns around; Sou gives him a tired smile, leaning his head against the window, and Shori carefully disentangles himself from his seat and climbs into the back to join him.
"Hey," Shori says, because it's not at all awkward to say hello to someone you've spent the entire day with. If Sou finds it odd, though, he doesn't comment on it, instead sitting up and turning to face him.
"I'm sorry if I embarrassed you."
Shori blinks, confused, and moves closer, not wanting to wake anyone else up and also not sure if he wants anyone else to overhear this conversation, whatever it's going to be.
"What do you mean?"
Sou waves a hand as if he's either trying to dismiss Shori's question or find the right words to answer it.
"By crying. After what you said."
Shori bites his lip. I'm sorry that I was cold to you and made you feel I didn't want to talk to you, back then... While the statement had been true, he wishes now that he had left that apology for another time, that he had kept it to the I'm sorry I borrowed six DVDs! kind of thing that most of the others had said. If he had just thought outside of his own head long enough to realize that the cameras were rolling...
"It's not your fault. I should have apologized to you properly, a long time ago."
"It's okay. I was only a little kid to you. I must have been really annoying."
"Not any more annoying than Mari poking us to get our attention in the middle of a conversation, just so that he could tell us he didn't understand anything we were talking about."
Sou laughs out loud at that, immediately clamping a hand over his mouth, to stifle the noise, and Shori can't hold his own laugher in, either, both of them biting their fists and shaking with silent mirth.
"At least Mari was cute, though," Sou finally chokes out, rubbing his hand where his teeth had made indentations in his skin. "And he had an excuse. I was just the ugly monkey kid who really, really wanted you to like me."
"You did?"
"Yeah," Sou replies, no longer meeting Shori's gaze, instead staring at the back of the seat. His fingers are picking at the material of his pants and he seems unsure as to whether or not he wants to do this, but then he takes a deep breath and continues. "Or at least acknowledge me. I know you're way above me... especially now, but..."
"I didn't ask for this."
"It isn't about whether or not you asked for it. In a way, of course you did. We all did. It's what you want. It's what we all want and I'm happy for you, that you're succeeding. But Mari and I are-- I just-- never mind, Shori. I'm tired and I don't even know what I'm saying."
But you do, Shori realizes, and this is something you've been trying to say to me for a long time.
"Sou..." Shori begins; Sou responds with a hitched breath and Shori realizes he's crying - yet again, because of him. Shori moves closer to him almost before he realizes what he's doing and pulls him into his arms. Sou's head falls against him and he grips the back of Shori's jacket as though it's the only thing that will keep him from sobbing out loud.
"I'm sorry--"
"Don't." Shori holds him tighter and shakes his head. "I need to say that to you a lot more times before you should be saying it to me."
"It's so hard," Sou replies, and even his voice is trembling. "I don't know what else to do. I go to all the lessons and I work hard like you. I just want the same opportunities that you get. And Mari, I try to take care of him but I don't know what to say to him anymore because I don't know what to tell myself either. I know you didn't 'ask for this' but that doesn't matter at all because you still get everything, and we still get nothing."
Shori doesn't know how to respond, just lets Sou cry and whispers I'm sorry, I'm sorry until the phrase no longer seems like it's made up of real words. He finally realizes that maybe Sou doesn't want to hear anything from him, doesn't want him to try to explain or rationalize, just wants his support, and Shori closes his eyes, rests his head against Sou's and thinks he can give him that, at least.
When Sou finally pulls back and sits up, wiping at his eyes with the back of his hand, Shori nudges his knee with his own and Sou looks at him curiously.
"You might have looked like a monkey, but you were a really cute monkey."
Sou smacks him, but he's smiling again, and Shori much prefers to see that expression on his face.
"So what am I now?"
"Now? I guess you're just really cute. Minus the monkey."
Sou looks at him curiously and Shori feels his face flush. He hadn't really meant to say that, but, well... it's been a long day, and if Sou doesn't like it, he can always blame it on exhaustion, or a misunderstanding, or...
"So... like you, then."
Shori blinks and Sou holds out his hand, palm side up. Shori takes it, laces their fingers together, and squeezes once as if to say I meant it, I really meant it, it's okay. Sou's eyes are half-closed and Shori keeps hold of his hand, gently pulling him closer until Sou is leaning on his shoulder, fast asleep in seconds. Shori lets his own eyes fall shut, Sou's steady warmth pressed against him, and he does not let go of his hand.
Go,![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
funkysparks!
Chuckling at something on his phone, Shori realizes that his voice is echoing in complete silence, and quickly glances around the van. Everyone else is fast asleep, having re-arranged their seating arrangements and contorted into uncomfortable positions that will probably leave them with sore backs and stiff necks in addition to any other injuries sustained from jumping off a damn cliff, but Shori can't seem to relax enough to join them, and a short but purposeful exhalation tells him that Sou can't either. Shori turns around; Sou gives him a tired smile, leaning his head against the window, and Shori carefully disentangles himself from his seat and climbs into the back to join him.
"Hey," Shori says, because it's not at all awkward to say hello to someone you've spent the entire day with. If Sou finds it odd, though, he doesn't comment on it, instead sitting up and turning to face him.
"I'm sorry if I embarrassed you."
Shori blinks, confused, and moves closer, not wanting to wake anyone else up and also not sure if he wants anyone else to overhear this conversation, whatever it's going to be.
"What do you mean?"
Sou waves a hand as if he's either trying to dismiss Shori's question or find the right words to answer it.
"By crying. After what you said."
Shori bites his lip. I'm sorry that I was cold to you and made you feel I didn't want to talk to you, back then... While the statement had been true, he wishes now that he had left that apology for another time, that he had kept it to the I'm sorry I borrowed six DVDs! kind of thing that most of the others had said. If he had just thought outside of his own head long enough to realize that the cameras were rolling...
"It's not your fault. I should have apologized to you properly, a long time ago."
"It's okay. I was only a little kid to you. I must have been really annoying."
"Not any more annoying than Mari poking us to get our attention in the middle of a conversation, just so that he could tell us he didn't understand anything we were talking about."
Sou laughs out loud at that, immediately clamping a hand over his mouth, to stifle the noise, and Shori can't hold his own laugher in, either, both of them biting their fists and shaking with silent mirth.
"At least Mari was cute, though," Sou finally chokes out, rubbing his hand where his teeth had made indentations in his skin. "And he had an excuse. I was just the ugly monkey kid who really, really wanted you to like me."
"You did?"
"Yeah," Sou replies, no longer meeting Shori's gaze, instead staring at the back of the seat. His fingers are picking at the material of his pants and he seems unsure as to whether or not he wants to do this, but then he takes a deep breath and continues. "Or at least acknowledge me. I know you're way above me... especially now, but..."
"I didn't ask for this."
"It isn't about whether or not you asked for it. In a way, of course you did. We all did. It's what you want. It's what we all want and I'm happy for you, that you're succeeding. But Mari and I are-- I just-- never mind, Shori. I'm tired and I don't even know what I'm saying."
But you do, Shori realizes, and this is something you've been trying to say to me for a long time.
"Sou..." Shori begins; Sou responds with a hitched breath and Shori realizes he's crying - yet again, because of him. Shori moves closer to him almost before he realizes what he's doing and pulls him into his arms. Sou's head falls against him and he grips the back of Shori's jacket as though it's the only thing that will keep him from sobbing out loud.
"I'm sorry--"
"Don't." Shori holds him tighter and shakes his head. "I need to say that to you a lot more times before you should be saying it to me."
"It's so hard," Sou replies, and even his voice is trembling. "I don't know what else to do. I go to all the lessons and I work hard like you. I just want the same opportunities that you get. And Mari, I try to take care of him but I don't know what to say to him anymore because I don't know what to tell myself either. I know you didn't 'ask for this' but that doesn't matter at all because you still get everything, and we still get nothing."
Shori doesn't know how to respond, just lets Sou cry and whispers I'm sorry, I'm sorry until the phrase no longer seems like it's made up of real words. He finally realizes that maybe Sou doesn't want to hear anything from him, doesn't want him to try to explain or rationalize, just wants his support, and Shori closes his eyes, rests his head against Sou's and thinks he can give him that, at least.
When Sou finally pulls back and sits up, wiping at his eyes with the back of his hand, Shori nudges his knee with his own and Sou looks at him curiously.
"You might have looked like a monkey, but you were a really cute monkey."
Sou smacks him, but he's smiling again, and Shori much prefers to see that expression on his face.
"So what am I now?"
"Now? I guess you're just really cute. Minus the monkey."
Sou looks at him curiously and Shori feels his face flush. He hadn't really meant to say that, but, well... it's been a long day, and if Sou doesn't like it, he can always blame it on exhaustion, or a misunderstanding, or...
"So... like you, then."
Shori blinks and Sou holds out his hand, palm side up. Shori takes it, laces their fingers together, and squeezes once as if to say I meant it, I really meant it, it's okay. Sou's eyes are half-closed and Shori keeps hold of his hand, gently pulling him closer until Sou is leaning on his shoulder, fast asleep in seconds. Shori lets his own eyes fall shut, Sou's steady warmth pressed against him, and he does not let go of his hand.
Go,
funkysparks!
no subject
I... no words ;___;
*goes to cry into pillow*
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THIS IS NOT OMG.
I WASN T PREPARED FOR THIS OMG. I M NOT EVEN KIDDING! I DIDN T THINK YOU WOULD HINT ON THAT OMG. I thought it was SAFE, and a Sou/Shouri normal NOT ANY MENTION OF WHAT SHALL NOT BE NAMED BECAUSE I WANT TO CRY AND HIT. AND NOT IN LOVE.
I WANT TO CRY. I WILL CRY. WHAT DID YOU DO TO ME. I WASN T EVEN SURE IF I MY T AND D DIDN T GET MIXED UP IN THE REVIEW. BUT NO OKAY. WE SAID DO TO ME AND OT TO DO ME. OK
I just want to cry at Sou's words. I just want to. Because this is .. UGH. Everything T___T what we are all thinking about MariSou, what they are all thinking, what is happening. omg. I can't even read anymore. I need to continue, but this.is.perfect and therefore it's freaking breaking me and omg. I don't know what to think. Do I want to hit you? Kiss you ? Hug you ? I WILL JUST CRY. I HAVE TEARS IN MY EYES
AND I WAS DRY CRYING WHILE READING ( aka just making soundless whines and other wails )
That was so perfect that it freaking hurt me deep in my heart and soul.
AND SHOURI SAYING SORRY D; And how much brave little Sou is hurting and he just wants to complain omg ( which is probably what he does to Genki, especially but this time, he needed to tell it to Shouri, because closest to his age in the band, center, and face, and freaking Shouri who told him sorry and omg we need to talk about how much this is hurting me omg.)
Where does this '' monkey '' thing comes from omg. I have been seeing you complain about it, but I have never seen it before (and I m glad omg. Sou is going to be one of the most handsome of the boys omg. As in, someone universally attractive)
I m in an emotional turmoil, and I m not sure I like you very much. Or maybe I love you. I don't know SPARE ME.
*keeps on reading*
The ending was adorbs. I really like how Shouri said '' hey''. Because this is so Shouri. D; I got you bb, I am too.
And the ending with the small banter and compliments, and ...
HOLDING HIS HAND? NOT LETTING IT GO ? ARE YOU SERIOUS ? THAT WHOLE LAST PARAGRAPH
THAT LAST BANTER. THAT LAST PARAGRAPH.
. I M HAVING A BREAKDOWN
I just want to cry ...As in,really. literally.
;---: Shouri holding Sou s hand, and keeping it to show him his support. This reminds me of all those small moments caught on camera or discreetly where he would indulge in the younger ones touches omg
That was a beautiful fanfiction.
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omg I'm so excited I love it when I get keysmashes that contain letters we don't have in EnglishI'M SORRY MANDY :c
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I AM SORRY I MADE YOU CRY ;___;
People used to say he looked like a monkey/Mowgli from The Jungle Book. Fortunately, nobody says that these days lol (or at least I haven't seen it?) because it would be ridiculous now.
I know that Sou supports Mari, and Mari tries to support Sou too, but Mari is so young & I thought it would be nice if someone just took care of Sou for a little while.
I'm glad you liked it ♥
I'm sorry ;___;no subject
Sooouuuuuuuu I wanna hug hiiiim ;__;
Shori and Sou hugging and Shori apologizing and holding hands and ;___;
I never really shipped Sou/Shori and this is my first fic ever with them but- ♥♥♥♥♥
"Sou smacks him, but he's smiling again, and Shori much prefers to see that expression on his face."
Yes I prefer that expression too ;_; Sou is a little sunshine. And sometimes a little crying sunshine ;___;
I have so many feelings rn this is... idk this fic is just wonderful <3
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Sou is a little sunshine
He really is. I want him to be smiling always ♥
I'm really glad you liked the fic! Thank you!
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I just want to cuddle Sou and tell him everything will be okay ;_;
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dsjflhakjsdhkjfhjksdfhl SOU WE ARE CHEERING FOR YOU. MARI TOO. Just. sdjflhajskdhfjkshdf ;___;
I try to take care of him but I don't know what to say to him anymore because I don't know what to tell myself either.
/clings to
I really, really love that Shori didn't try to say anything to rationalise it, or to try and make him feel better because he knows there's nothing to say, except to offer his support. ♥ ♥
Yup, Sou is totally cute.
Also I can't believe they were made to jump off a cliff. D: D:
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Shori was so hard for me to read at first but now I feel like I understand him a bit better & he's a really good kid. He just needs to come out of his own little world sometimes.
It was so scary D: I felt so bad for Sou because he absolutely did not want to do it.
Thank you for this lovely comment ♥