[Team Three] Under Pressure

[thesecretdoor.livejournal.com]

Since su_jin is skipping, here's my fic! Your last words were awesome alchemicink! I'm just sorry I couldn't find a better use for them >_< I love goats! And actually went to go see some goats myself earlier this week.


'Let's go see some goats!' Taiga mails him, there's a website for a petting farm attached and Hokku lets out a long breath as he dismisses the message and then sets his phone to silent before picking up his pen again. It's just like Taiga to suggest a day out just because he has a day off, Hokku doesn't exactly have days off these days and he just wishes Taiga would realise that.

The next time he mails it's a movie, two days later, and Hokku doesn't even bother watching the trailer because he can't take take time out right now, he has to concentrate.

'We haven't even spoke in days.' Taiga's next mail says, and Hokku lets out a breath and switches off his phone altogether. He has two assignments due by the end of the week and another three the week after next, he just can't take this right now.

He knows it will only piss Taiga off more, so when he heads to the meeting point for their interview the next day, he's fully expecting Taiga's scowl. Luckily, the staff are right there and as soon as they're all assembled they're ushered straight through into make up. Taiga wouldn't talk about personal problems in front of make staff - everyone knows they're incorrigible gossips.

As soon as Hokku is done he heads back to the dressing room as quickly as he can without making a scene, and he only scrubs off the worst of his make up before grabbing his bag and dashing out of the studio. Taiga has a performance later so he's pretty sure Taiga won't follow him home, he just needs to get out before Taiga is finished.

He's a dick, he's an absolute dick, he knows it. Because who avoids even speaking to their boyfriend for a whole week? He keeps telling himself that it'll work out, only Taiga isn't the type to just forget about shit like that, he knew that months ago before this even started. He sees Taiga's name flashing across the screen of his phone and he feels like the scum of the earth as he rejects the call, but he still has those assignments, and dealing with Taiga's stress on top of his own won't help one bit.

'Last chance. I'm calling you tonight, you'd better answer.' Taiga mails him the next day. And as hard as Hokku tries he just can't concentrate on his work with that hanging over him. He doesn't want to answer. When his phone finally rings he leaves it ringing for longer than necessary before pressing accept.

“What's going on with you?” Taiga says accusingly before Hokku has even said 'Hello'.

“I've been busy.” Hokku answers lamely, it's the truth though, before all of this work piled on top of him he would have never been so aloof.

“I'd noticed.” Taiga says with a long, inconvenienced drawl. “You know, my play has been open for five weeks already and you haven’t been to see it.”

That's all it takes, and Hokku didn't even know it would be so easy, but with everything else going on he just snaps. “Sure, that would be the thing you notice.” he spits. “You're so wrapped up in your own shit that you don't even notice what I'm going through.”

Taiga is stubborn. Whenever they argue Hokku is always the one to back down, but now that his temper has flared enough, he just doesn't see why he should - sure he's a dick, but at least he's not a self-obsessed dick.

“This is a big deal for me.” Taiga says indignantly.

“I know it is. And I'm proud of you for getting the role, I really am.” Hokku says, and he means it, he meant it the night they found out and he'd surprised Taiga with party poppers, and other poppers, and one of the best nights of his entire life. But that isn't the point, that isn't everything. “But I have a life too you know, would it kill you to even just consider that for a moment? I can't just drop assignments and readings, just to come and see you or talk to you because it's convenient for you...I have University, Taiga, I have classes and homework and tests, on top of all the junior work I have and I can't...” he pauses, because he's not quite sure how to finish that sentence without making things far worse than he needs to.

It's quiet for a few beats, and Hokku's heart is already racing before Taiga even speaks. “I don't think this is working...”

“Your damn right it's not working.” Hokku concedes, the adrenaline and the hurt flaring together, and then he hangs up because actually hearing the words would just be too much, he knows what this means, he and Taiga aren't together any more.

He gets his first set of assignments in on time, but only barely -not hearing from Taiga at all proves to be almost as distracting as hearing from him constantly. They've worked together twice in the three weeks since they kind of broke up, but neither time did Taiga look at him more than necessary and as much as it had hurt, Hokku thinks it's for the best.

He thinks that until he gets his first set of marks back – he's done fucking brilliantly considering. And his first instinct is to call Taiga and tell him the good news. Even the day after, he finds himself editing and re-editing a mail because he wants to share his success with Taiga. He wants cake and balloons like they had for the celebration of Taiga getting his role. He wants deep kisses that are filled with love and pride, and support. Now that he can breath again he wants Taiga.

Tickets are sold out for the next evening's performance already, but Hokku hangs around outside and manages to scalp a ticket. And he goes to see Taiga's play.

He isn't particularly interested in the play, the actors are fantastic and the singing is something else entirely but he just doesn't care about the plot, the only time he feels a tingle of emotion is when Rudolph is mentioned, even if he knows that Taiga won't be playing him until the second act.

When Taiga first appears, Hokku is immediately lost. His heart breaks with every note Taiga sings, and swells with pride at how well he's singing it. It's beautiful, it's indescribable and completely different to everything he knew Taiga was.

As he watches Rudolph pull the trigger he feels like he falls too, suspended in the very air around him and he can't care about the rest of the play while he's still dwelling on poor Rudolph, on the emotional devastation he must have endured, at the emotional torment Taiga must have endured too, just to play the role so well.

He could mail Taiga, he could say he's seen the play or that he wants to talk, but instead he waits by the back entrance until Taiga leaves. Taiga stops dead in his tracks the moment he notices Hokku and Hokku wants to say something, anything, but Taiga just looks so beautiful that words evade him for the longest time.

“I should have come to see it sooner.” he manages eventually, even though that's not really what it's about. Not coming on to see Taiga's play was really just the tip of the Hokku-is-a-shitty-boyfriend iceberg. “I'm sorry.” he continues and he means for everything, he's been distracted and irritable the whole time they've even been together and it's not Taiga's fault, even the stuff that is, the stuff where Taiga didn't seem to notice how much he had going on, he's guilty of that too. “Taiga, I'm really, really sorry.”

Taiga's face relaxes a little and he tries a small smile that has Hokku's stomach doing flips. “I'm sorry too. I didn't notice how much pressure you were under...but you didn't tell me either, you just avoided me. Next time you're stressed then talk to me about it yeah?”

“Then...you're giving me another chance?” Hokku asks, and Taiga tuts as he pulls Hokku into a hug.

“I'm giving us another chance.”

You're up orangegreenlove