[Team three] Doubts

[doctoggy.livejournal.com]

So I am late.
And this is a continuation of a long lost dramatic story. In which Fujigaya and Tottsu turn into crystal statues. It can be read here. This is a kind of part 2. This will make no sense unless you read the rest in my LJ.

I have lots of feels from seeing Tottsu's butai a few too many times.
And personal feels. So it is rushed.
And not beta-ed.
I will correct it later. I need to sleep as I work in the morning.



Staring Hashimoto, but mostly Miyata and Tamamori. With a guest apperance by Kitayama.




His life was very different now that Tottsu was a statue. They had three months to fix this, well Hasshi had 3 months to fix it. The rest of the band was pretty useless in this entire thing. But then again, it wasn't their faults.

And Kisumai still hadn’t managed to figure things out yet. Well, Kitayama had, and Miyata had, but Senga and Nikaido and most importantly Yokoo, had not.

The first day had been Hasshi demanding explanations from Kawai and Tamamori. And making sincere apologies to Tottsu’s parents.

His parents had been oddly accepting.

But Tottsu’s mother had said something that echoed in Hasshi’s mind. Something that he felt was important, he just had not figure out how yet.

“I do not doubt that you love him. And I know this isn’t your fault. He is a very difficult to love. He doesn't trust easily. You know that. You of all people know that. And I do not doubt that you have always loved him.” She had paused, looking at him, and then, as she spoke, her voice broke. “Please, bring him back to us.”

That night he cried himself to sleep.

Because of him, Tottsu was like this.

Somehow, his constant, undying love for Tottsu was not enough.

Was somehow not constant enough. Was insufficient. Maybe his feelings had not reached Tottsu. Maybe he had needed to try harder.

But he had never, ever, ever not even for the tiniest fraction of a moment, not loved Tottsu.

It would be a lie to say that Hasshi slept at all that night. That night, he cried.




The second day Hasshi moved into the crystal room, the shine of Tottsu and Fujigaya.

Kawai tried to argue with him.

“Hasshi, maybe its better—“

“Tottsu will be lonely. This way he isn’t lonely.”

“But your mom—“

“As soon as I told her about Tottsu, she knew I would come here. My place is with Tottsu.”

“But Johnny-san—“

“The bed was here when I arrived. I think he knew.”

It Tamamori, who came by a lot, as the days went on, for reasons that Hasshi couldn't figure out but appreciated none the less, thought it was strange that Hasshi put a scarf around Tottsu, a jacket over his shoulders, and a hat on him, he didn't say anything.

Kawai had just looked at him, and Hasshi looked back, his gaze unwavering. “I don't want him to be cold. And the lights too bright in here.”

Except that was also a lie. Nothing was bright anymore.




The third day, fourth day, fifth day, and all the following days…. Hasshi began researching the curse, and all the information that he could find on it. He went out. He talked to people, he researched. He interviewed people. He took notes. He made phone calls.

And the more that he researched the angrier he became.

There was one thing in common, but… he did not want to believe.

Every day Kitayama came by. Sometimes he talked to Fujigaya, his voice soft, private things between them, sometimes he shook his head, and walked away. But Yokoo, still, did not come.

“Does he even know?” Hasshi had asked one evening, when Tamamori came by to give his daily update on Tinkerbell. And Tamamori had paused, sighing.

“I am not sure. He knows that Gaya is a crystal now. He insisted on taking Tinkerbell as soon as he found out. But he hasn't come here yet.”

Miyata, however, was a little more skeptical. “I don't think so. He keeps saying that he misses Gaya, and that he will kick the ass of whomever took him from us like this.”

Tama laughed dryly. “He isn’t exactly the best actor, so I doubt that he could fake something like that.”

“Someone will have to tell him…” Miayata trailed off, and Hasshi sighed, laying back onto his bed, his arms flung out to the sides. Tamamori and Miyata were sitting side by side, pressed against one another on the edge of his bed, and for a brief moment Hasshi felt envy surge through him.

He could never have that again.

But he had never really had that with Tottsu to begin with.

But now, he would never have that. Not with the person that he loved.

But at the same time, this meant that Tamamori was safe. And that thought made his heart warm, the envy a little less.

“Ne… Tama-chan…. do you ever doubt Miyata’s feelings for you.”

Apparently the feelings holder was never supposed to know that they were in charge of feelings. But Tamamori was awful at keeping secrets, and Miyata had clearly vowed, repeatedly, that since he had made Tamamori trust him with his secret, and his heart, that he would always protect him, Hasshi figured that it was a safe bet to assume that Miyacchi knew.

“Never.” Tamamori’s voice was firm.

“Sometimes I annoy him, sometimes he annoys me. Something I just want to be alone, because he is clingy, and annoying, and his face is creepy, and he obsesses over anime, and—“

“And he knows that he means the world to me. Even if I am not always in love with him, which I am, I will always love him. He is my Tama-chan. The one that I married in Tokyo dome. The one I learned to skate with. The one that somehow turned into a prince type right in front of my face.”

“I have never doubted him. He—“ Tamamori stopped speaking and a smile spread over Miyata’s face.

“I like him when he isn’t cool. Before he was cool. I love him when he falls on his ass. I love him in spite of him falling on his ass. He knows that no matter what I will love him, even if he is old and ugly--”

Tamamori hit Miyata, and the other man just grinned, taking the offending hand into his own, and holding it tight.

The feeling of envy bloomed once more, stronger this time.

“He knows that no matter how silly, how prince like, how unprince like, how clumsy, how anything he is, that I will love him. And so, he is safe with me.”

Tamamori nodded. “I might not always be in love with him. Or him with me, but he is the only person that I would trust with my heart.”

At those words Hashimoto sighed, covering his head with the pillow.

All of his research. All of his thoughts. They proved one thing. And he did not like it at all.

He knew why Tottsu had been turned into a statue. Why Gaya had been turned into a statue. Why everyone had. And it made him want to cry. He had failed Tottsu, in so many ways. Hasshi growled into the pillow, and Tamamori tired to ask what was wrong, but Miyata shook his head, pulling Tamamori to his feet.

“Hasshi is figuring out how to fix this, and this is hard on him.”

“But he knows something, so he should tell us…”

Miyata nodded pulling Tamamori out the door and closing it, just as a pillow flew across the room and into the statue of Tottsu, followed by a heart-breaking cry.


"We cannot help him with this." Miyata sighed..

“You know what it is, as well.” Tamamori stared at Miyata, his gaze hard, and he didn't complain when Miayata pulled him into a hug, pressed him against the wall, and squeezed him as if the world would end if he let him go.

“Never, ever doubt that I care for you, Yuta.”

“Don’t be an idiot.” Tamaori’s voice was surprisingly gentle, and he let Miyata hold him in the hallway, and didn't complain, for once, that the other was gross. But everyone, including Miyata, knew that he didn't mean that. At least he hoped so.

“You know that this gr—“

Miyata chuckled, and pulled Tamamori closer.

“Yuta… I know your heart. Not your words. So don’t worry. But don't get us into the same mess that they are in. Don't doubt me now.”

“Ne—“ Tamamori was cut off as Miyata leaned up on his tiptoes to kiss him, once, quickly.

“You don't need to explain your words, Yuta. You know my heart, and I know yours. So don't doubt me now. If you doubt that I understand your words, then you doubt my feelings, and if you doubt my feelings….”

“I end up like them.” His voice was soft, and Miyacchi nodded.

“Watta has never thought he was good enough for Gaya, despite the fact that Gaya adores—adored him.” Tamamori caught himself, his voice soft.

“Watta had been better recently, with his own shows, and solo things, but Gaya has all the dramas, and the stage plays and….”

“Watta questions if he is good enough for Gaya, pushes him away when all Gaya wants to do is spend time with him.” Tamamori continued, and Miyata nodded. “Gaya had given up on wooing him, he had accepted that Watta would never see his feelings, never realize, but he still wanted friendship.”

“Something in all of that caused their bond to break. I don't know if Watta will be honest enough with himself to ever admit that he didn't trust Gaya’s feelings for him.” Miyata spoke into Tamamori’s neck, his words soft, but they pierced Tamamori’s heart none the less. The truth of the words, the truth of Miyata’s words to him earlier.

“But how can anyone doubt Hasshi’s feelings for Tottsu? They are as clear and bright as the sun.” Tama commented, and was startled when Kitayama’s voice interrupted.

“Because Tottsu doesn't let people in to love him.”

The silence in the hall was deafening, and then Hashimoto’s voice, angry and raw, carried to them, clear enough that it caused Tamamori to gasp.

“How dare you doubt, for even an instant, that I love you. How fucking selfish can you possibly be?”

Kitayama’s voice was dark as he spoke, the grief of losing his friend still evident and raw. “Come on, let’s let the baby bring Tottsu back to us. His magic is the only thing that might work, and being a crystal hopefully means that Tottsu has to hear the words for once. However, we still need to work on Watta, and get him to start fixing the damn mess that he caused.”

“Is that even possible?” Tamamori asked dryly, and Kitayama looked at both of them, his eyes narrowed.

“Taisuke and I might not always have the best relationship, but he is the only damned person I want to do a duet with. So Watta will fucking fix this mess, and everyone will live fucking happily ever after.”

“But...”

“Johnny said we will be Ebikisu if we cannot fix this. But Ebikisu is 12 people. No more. No less. I won't do this without them”

Tamamori startled, pushing Miyata away and stepping towards Kitayama. He looked at the older man for a moment, before his eye widened.

“You are in love with him.”

“It doesn't matter. He will never be mine.”

“But, you will still love him.” Miyata’s voice was soft.

“We all need him.” Kitayama paused. “But… you might be right. Maybe, just maybe, I need him.”


alchemicink you are up!