[team five] i found a dream i can call my own

[airplanewishes.livejournal.com]

Starting words from here.

--

"Out--outside," Jimin pleads, grabbing Taehyung's wrist before Taehyung decides to sit down on one of the tables. "Let's talk outside. He'll need to go around and talk to people anyway."

Taehyung twists his hand so that he's holding Jimin's, squeezing a little before letting go. "Okay, I'll just go and tell Yoongi where I am," he responds. "I'll find you."

Jimin nods once and watches as Taehyung weaves through the crowd to go look for his date, or should he say boyfriend? Jimin never really knows with Taehyung. Sometimes he'd be dead serious with someone one moment and then take it back the next. And it's never a big deal. From an outsider's point of view, one might think that a relationship with the Kim Taehyung would be filled with drama. But no, it never is. Because everyone knows who Taehyung is and everyone knows what he's like before they get into anything with him. He's always in it for the fun first and foremost because the last time he got too serious, he got his heart broken and he promised himself he wouldn't have any of that anymore.

Jimin should really learn from him. Because, where Taehyung never takes relationships seriously, Jimin takes it too seriously right off the bat. Anyone he's met, anyone he's dated (even just once), he's made sure that he put into consideration their feelings and what the possible future between them could bring. Because while Taehyung doesn't want commitment, Jimin craves it. Which is probably why none of his relationships last too long; he's too clingy, too wanting, too eager. It scares all his partners away. He's really just waiting for the other shoe to drop on this one.

"Hey." Taehyung breezes through the open double doors, two champagne flutes in his hands. He hands the other one to Jimin and practically downs his own. "So... How's it going?" He stands beside Jimin and faces the party, leaning back against the railing and following Jimin's line of sight.

A head taller than most and with his dirty blond hair, Namjoon is easy to spot. He looks so handsome and so natural, moving through the crowd, talking to people, shaking their hands. It's clear that he's in his element with how at ease he is, his smile genuine, dimples on both cheeks appearing. People gravitate to where he is and it's understandable why. Namjoon is charming without even trying. Jimin doesn't know how he got so lucky.

When Jimin doesn't say anything, Taehyung speaks up, "I heard about Florence."

Jimin blinks and turns to Taehyung, who grins at him. "Yeah," he stammers, flushing at the trip that made him so happy. They were there for almost a month and Jimin doesn't remember a trip making him feel so warm. "It was--it was nice."

Taehyung raises an eyebrow. "Just nice?"

"Well, you know," Jimin replies with a shrug. "It's Florence. You know I've always wanted to go there."

"I do," Taehyung agrees. "But how did he know?" He nods towards the doorway, towards Namjoon. "Because he sure didn't ask me. He hasn't asked me anything about you, in fact, which is shocking. I've been expecting him to contact me since the wedding. But it's been two months and still nothing." He finishes his drink and places it on the cocktail table beside them.

Jimin lets out a breath. He had wondered about the same thing. Florence is quite special to him with all it's art, culture and architecture. After learning about it in university, it's remained one of the places he wanted to visit and he's pretty sure he's only ever told Taehyung about that. But Namjoon knew. He knew and he took Jimin there for their honeymoon.

"Maybe I let it slip in conversation." But even as Jimin says it, he knows it isn't true. They don't talk that much for it to have come up.

"Is it still hard?" Taehyung asks, his brow furrowed in concern. He touches Jimin's arm so that he would look at him.

Jimin looks at him and then looks away, almost immediately. He turns his back on the party and looks out into the sea of buildings instead. "It is and it isn't at the same time," he answers in that quiet voice he uses when he's unsure. "I don't know. He makes an effort. He doesn't leave me out of anything. He talks to me all the time and makes me feel welcome and warm. He's so sweet it's wonderful." He bites his lower lip and sighs. "He's wonderful."

"Then what's the problem?" Taehyung wants to know.

Jimin sucks his lower lip in his mouth as he looks down and watches cars move through the streets. Namjoon has been the perfect husband. In fact, he's been perfect even before Jimin knew they were getting married. They've always moved around in the same circles, but have never really gotten past being acquaintances. Jimin knew that Yoongi is close friends with Namjoon and have heard from him that Namjoon can be quite clumsy. But other than that, Jimin really doesn't know much about him, aside from that other fact that their parents want them to get married to cement their partnership. So it's always been surprising whenever Namjoon spoke to him, even just small conversations, after seemingly seeking him out.

The problem is that there is no problem. The absence of an issue weirds him out because it's impossible. But maybe it has been possible all this while because Jimin has been careful. He actually likes Namjoon so he's been making sure that he doesn't scare him away.

"Oh Jimin," Taehyung sighs, wrapping an arm around him and resting his chin on Jimin's shoulder. "Why do you do this to yourself? Why do you always think you're too much for people?"

"Because I can be," Jimin admits. He knows this, even without the trail of people leaving him behind. "And I really don't want him to find out."

Jimin closes his eyes as Taehyung hugs him tighter. This isn't exactly his ideal marriage, but if he gets it to last for at least a few years, it would be enough for him. He won't mind if it doesn't last forever. He doesn't believe in those anymore anyway.

"Everything okay?"

"Hey," Jimin says, turning around and stepping away from Taehyung, who squeezes his arm and excuses himself. Namjoon, so handsome in his dark suit, is smiling but there's an uncertainty lingering behind his eyes. "Everything's fine. Just talking. Did you need something?"

Namjoon steps further out in the balcony. "I was just going to ask if you wanted to dance," he tells him with a bigger smile. "I know you like this song."

Jimin looks back at the party, where people are slow-dancing to At Last, and he blinks, looking back at Namjoon. "It's the Etta James version. That's the best version."

"I know," Namjoon agrees with a nod. "So... do you want to? Dance, I mean." He gestures towards the dance floor, his other hand reaching out for Jimin's.

Jimin knows he should just take it and dance with him. He's his husband, after all, and husbands dance together all the time. But Jimin doesn't want to. Maybe not where all the people will be watching them anyway.

"It's okay," Jimin mutters, shaking his head and stepping back. "I think I'll just stay here. Just let me know when you want to leave." He turns and faces the expansive dark sky again. He probably seems rude but, at this point, he doesn't care. He's just scared.

"Do you want to leave?" Namjoon asks after a pause. "Because we totally can. Dinner is over and people are just lingering so we really can leave if you're tired." He touches Jimin's arm for a second before dropping his hand at Jimin stiffening. "Jimin?"

"Okay," Jimin whispers, facing Namjoon again. "Let's go home."










The drive home is quiet, Namjoon's eyes trained on the road as he drives and Jimin choosing to look out the window, humming At Last under his breath. He kind of feels bad that he rejected Namjoon's offer to dance and asked to leave early, but he'd really rather go home so he can breathe easier. Although, coming home to a big, quiet house and going to sleep in a room by himself is hardly any more enticing. Still, it's his own space, given to him by Namjoon, where he can be himself.

When Namjoon had first taken him home after their honeymoon, Jimin was excited to share a room with him. Even though they hadn't done anything in bed (Jimin was too afraid to make a move when it was clear his husband wasn't interested in him that way), he liked the warmth of Namjoon's body beside his. There had been accidental cuddles on some nights and Jimin didn't really mind that. He liked that they could be close like that, even if they didn't really talk much about anything during the day. So he was very surprised when Namjoon showed him his own bedroom. It was big, with its own living area and a mini office area. It was too big for one person and one look at it made Jimin feel lonely. Still, he smiled at his husband and thanked him for the personal space.

Now, as he stands in front of the full-length mirror across his bed, taking off his suit jacket and undoing his tie, he feels even lonelier. He wanted to dance with Namjoon earlier, always wanting to be close to him, but he didn't want to be so out of obligation. The people watching expected them to act like a married couple, a happy one. But Jimin wasn't fake and he figured Namjoon knew that. It was easier to be happy without expectation because there was that hope that it as genuine. With watchful eyes, who knew what feelings really lay deep down inside?

He startles when he hears a knock on his door as he finishes dressing into his pajamas, deep red, silk, a present from Namjoon.

"Hi," Namjoon greets when Jimin opens the door, glancing behind Jimin before looking at him and what he's wearing. "Oh," he stammers, swallowing before meeting Jimin's questioning gaze. "You're wearing it. I didn't think--it looks nice on you."

"They're pajamas," Jimin points out. He's pretty sure it's not supposed to look a particular way, except feel comfortable. "But yes, I am. You gave them to me." As if that's enough of a reason for him to wear them, which it is. Jimin likes all the things that Namjoon gives him because it shows, yet again, how wonderful Namjoon really is. There isn't a gift that he's received from him that isn't something Jimin likes.

"Right, of course," Namjoon states, nodding. "So, uh, I know you're probably off to bed, but I was wondering if you'd like to come with me for a bit. There's something I want to show you."

Jimin follows Namjoon downstairs, past the two living rooms and to the veranda. He stops as soon as he steps out, eyes widening with wonder at the pretty fairy lights lighting up the entire garden. They're entwined in the trees and bushes, making everything is so beautiful. He looks at Namjoon, who's watching him with expectant eyes.

"What is all this?" Jimin asks. As far as he knew, these lights weren't there the night before.

"I put them up," Namjoon explains, putting his hands behind his back, clasping them together. "Well I didn't put them up, but I asked someone to put them up because I can't really--anyway, I don't actually know if you like them, but I thought it might help cheer you--"

"I like them," Jimin interrupts, blushing when he realizes what he's done. "I mean," he amends, gesturing at the garden, biting back a smile, "it's beautiful."

Jimin walks to the garden and touches every tree, looking up in wonderment at the lights. He can't help but smile as he does because they really are pretty. He pauses in his steps and turns around when he hears the first few notes of At Last play. Namjoon is approaching him, a sheepish smile on his face.

"You wanted to dance earlier," Namjoon says, shaking his head when Jimin opens his mouth to lie. "I know you did. It's one of your favorite songs and I feel bad that you didn't get to enjoy it. So I figured..." He shrugs, smiling, when the song continues to play. "Do you want to dance?" he asks, offering his hand to Jimin, who takes it without hesitation.

Jimin closes his eyes as Namjoon leads him through the dance, Namjoon's cheek touching the side of his head. He's not sure what's happening but he likes it. He likes that Namjoon thought of this, thought of this for him. He likes that Namjoon always makes sure that Jimin is comfortable in spite of their arrangement. He wishes things were better, but he can't really complain. Not when Namjoon is giving him everything he can ever dream of.

"Why are you doing this? Why do you do this all the time?" Jimin can't help but ask.

"What?" Namjoon asks, pulling away so he can look at Jimin.

"Why are you being so nice to me? You don't have to be, you know," Jimin clarifies. "I understand what I got into when we got married. You don't have to act like you owe me anything or that you need to compensate for anything. I'm fine."

Namjoon stops moving, his brows furrowed, and takes a step back. "Jimin," he starts, his hands moving to hold Jimin's arms. "What are you talking about? Do you think I'm doing this because...? Why would you think I'm doing this for any other reason than me liking you?"

He looks so upset that Jimin panics. "I'm sorry," Jimin hurries, taking a step back and putting his hands up in contrition. "I didn't mean to insinuate anything bad. I'm just saying that you don't have to do anything to make me stay. We're already married. I'm going to stay until you don't want me to anymore." The thought of Namjoon admitting that their marriage will have a time limit hurts him, but he had to say it. It's not exactly uncommon in arranged marriages like theirs.

"Until I don't want you--Jimin, we're married," Namjoon reminds him, his hands travelling down Jimin's arm so he can hold his hands. "Our vows stated until death do us part, that means exactly what it means to me. There won't be a time where I won't want you anymore."

Jimin's eyes are wide. His heart is thudding against his chest. These are words he's longed to hear from someone, but especially Namjoon, whom he decided would be the one he'll keep tucked in his heart. Still, he can't believe it. His heart won't be tricked so easily anymore. "Stop," he giggles, trying to play it off and make light of things. "Really, Namjoon, you don't have to pretend. It's okay." He pats Namjoon's chest and moves to walk away. He'll sleep this off and he'll be okay again in the morning.

But Namjoon holds onto his wrist and pulls him back. "Jimin, I mean it," he insists, looking like he's thinking of how else he can prove to him that what he's saying is true. "I'm not very good with expressing my feelings, but I mean it. I really do."

"Why?" Jimin demands this time. He's tired and he just wants to go to bed. If only Namjoon will drop it and let him go. "Why do you mean it? You don't even like me. You don't even know me."

Namjoon opens his mouth and then closes it again. He knows that Jimin is right. They don't know each other. But it would be a lie to say that Jimin doesn't like Namjoon. It may be superficial, but Jimin has always had a little crush on Namjoon. But Namjoon was popular and charming and handsome and everyone wanted him. Jimin stayed in the background all these years because he knew that there was no chance in hell they'd date.

"Jimin, I've known you since we were kids," Namjoon points out, cheeks turning pink. "We went to all those parties and we hung out together, you, Taehyung, Jeongguk, Seokjin, Yoongi, Hoseok... We attended the same schools--"

"Those don't mean anything," Jimin interjects, twist his wrist out of Namjoon's hand. "We all hang out with each other. I've hung out with Jongin, Taemin and even Jaebum, but we're not friends. Sure, we hung out, but we've never talked."

Namjoon chuckles, but it's not a happy sound. He's looking a Jimin in some sort of disbelief. "Jimin, you've never wanted to talk to me," he says, gesturing around helplessly. "I mean, you would always just stick to Taehyung's side. When you weren't talking to him, you talked to Jeongguk and Hoseok. You went to Seokjin for help with school. Hell, you even talked to Yoongi for advice. But never me. You've never wanted to talk to me or even acknowledged me when I tried to talk to you."

It's Jimin's turn to be stunned. "That's impossible," he starts then stops, blinking at Namjoon, who gives him a helpless smile. Namjoon wanted to talk to him all this time? He wanted to be close to him? How could he have not noticed? "But..." he tries again but fails to form any coherent thought. "I don't understand. Why didn't you ever tell me?"

"I tried, Jimin," Namjoon explains with a sigh. "But later on, when it became clear that it would be futile to try, I just let it go. I mean, we still hung out and that was enough for me. But I mean, I've always liked you, ever since." He smiles a little when Jimin's mouth hangs open in surprise.

"You have?" Jimin asks. He isn't entirely sure what's happening or how to feel about it.

"Yes, Jimin," Namjoon reiterates, throwing his hands in the air. "Why do you think I asked you to marry me?"

"Because our families are getting into a big merger and you want to seal the deal?" Jimin blurts out without pause, wrapping his arms around himself.

Namjoon inhales sharply. "Is that what you think?" he asks, frowning when Jimin nods. "Is that what you've thought all this time?"

"Well, yes," Jimin says, hesitating a little. "I mean, what other reason is there for you to ask to marry me?"

"Uh, me being in love with you?" Namjoon says it like it's the most normal thing in the world and it makes Jimin gasp. "I mean, I get that I've never been expressive and maybe the marriage came out of left field and maybe I took advantage of the fact that there was a merger going on. But I wouldn't have asked you to marry me if I wasn't in love with you." He takes a step towards Jimin and takes his hand in his again. "Jimin, I hope you believe me."

The thing is, Jimin does believe him. Because Namjoon may be a lot of things, but he certainly isn't a liar. He was never one to play with people's feelings, no matter how popular he is or how much his attention is craved. He knew how to take care of people, which is evident with how he's taken care of Jimin all this time. So yes, Jimin believes him. He believes him so much that it makes him cry.

"Jimin--Jimin, why--why are you crying?" Namjoon panics, taking his hanky out of his pocket and dabs his cheeks. "I'm sorry," he says. "I'm sorry for saying anything. Baby, please stop crying."

Jimin whimpers at being called baby. "How could you have liked me all this time without me ever knowing?"

"I don't know, but I'm sorry for never making it clear," Namjoon hurries. He cups Jimin's face, thumbing his tears away.

"Do you know that I like you?" Jimin then gurgles through his tears. Namjoon opens his mouth to say no because how can he know? Jimin doesn't even dare to look at him. "I've been nursing this crush on you for years--years, Namjoon. But we never talk. I didn't even think we were friends and, all this time, I thought you were doing all these things--being sweet, paying attention to me, giving me gifts--just to be nice, which, you know, I don't mind because this is enough for me, us being married is enough. It was enough, but I'm clingy," he continues, crying even more, "and I started to want your attention and affection and that scares people so I just thought... I didn't think--I never thought you'd ever--" He cuts himself off and squeezes his eyes shut as tears continue to fall.

"Shh." Namjoon pulls him close and hugs him. "I do all those things because I want you to be comfortable and happy. I thought you didn't want this, that you felt forced into it, so I tried to make it as painless as possible." He sighs.

"Is that why you gave me my own room?" Jimin sniffs. Namjoon's silence spoke for itself so Jimin pulls away and slaps his chest. "How is that a sign that you're in love with me? You made me think you didn't want to be around me." He pouts, making Namjoon hold him again and press a kiss to his head.

They stay like that for a while, holding each other. Jimin closes his eyes when Namjoon continues pressing kisses to the crown of his head, humming Jimin's favorite song. He would never have thought that this was possible. How could he have ever thought that Namjoon would actually have feelings for him, that love was possible between them, that theirs could be a real marriage? He's always thought it was impossible. But here they are.

"So..." Namjoon starts after a while. "You want to sleep with me on my bed, huh?"

Jimin immediately feels himself blush, practically curling into himself in embarrassment. "Shut up," he says, wiggling out of Namjoon's embrace and pushing him in retaliation. "That's not what I meant."

"Then what did you mean?" Namjoon wants to know, grinning so much that Jimin feels his blush spread to his neck.

"Nothing," Jimin insists, resisting the urge to poke his tongue out. "Just that you made me think you didn't really want me around."

"Hey, you made me think you didn't want to be around me," Namjoon defends himself. "That's why I gave you your own room, that's why I gave you your own space. If I had known..."

"Then what?" Jimin demands, smiling a little. "What would you have done?"

"Oh wouldn't you like to know?" Namjoon's smirk sends chills down Jimin's spine. It's almost like he's being tickled that he kind of dances in place.

"I think you'd have to be much, much clearer this time," Jimin reminds him. "I mean, we both clearly suck at being obvious." He shakes his head at the thought of how much time and energy they've wasted on dancing around each other.

Namjoon reaches for Jimin's hand and Jimin gives it to him. "Well, I don't know about you, but you just might be my favorite oblivious person in the world," he states, his smile wide and proud and happy. Jimin likes this smile. He likes that Namjoon is happy. He likes it even more that Namjoon is happy because of him.

"Oh really?" Jimin giggles, wrapping his other arm around Namjoon's waist just as Namjoon cups his cheek. "Prove it."

Namjoon laughs. And then he's pulling Jimin closer and touches his lips to his, just a gentle press. There's no pressure but there's a pause where they both inhale at the feeling of their lips against each other's, Jimin gripping Namjoon's waist tighter at the softness of Namjoon's lips, Namjoon stilling, waiting for Jimin to give any sign of wanting to stop. But Jimin just shuffles closer, the tips of their shoes bumping with each other, their chests aligned, and Namjoon sighs as he presses his lips further, allowing themselves to taste more of each other.

And Jimin, Jimin feels like he's floating because Namjoon is so warm and he's holding him like he wants to hold him forever. He can't believe that he gets to have this. He can't believe that he gets to keep this, that he gets to keep Namjoon. Jimin sighs as he stands on his tiptoes, pressing even closer. His lips are tingling with happiness and want and love that spreads down to his chest. Jimin is so happy and he's so in love.

"Jimin," Namjoon says, pulling away without warning. Jimin makes a sound of protest, keeping his eyes shut, his hands grabbing to pull Namjoon back. "I just thought I should make something clear since we're trying to be more obvious."

"What?" Jimin demands, blinking at Namjoon, whose lips a red and puffy and enticing. He just wants to kiss him. Longer. More.

"Love you," Namjoon tells him.

Jimin didn't think it was possible for him to feel even more heated, but this does the trick. He grins, giggles, but doesn't say anything. He doesn't really have words for how happy he is. Instead, he just cups Namjoon's face this time and pulls him down for another kiss. He wraps his arms around Namjoon's neck and Namjoon lets him for a while, tightening his hold on Jimin's waist and kissing back, before pulling away again.

"You're not even going to say it back?" Namjoon sounds so indignant that it makes Jimin laugh.

"Yeah, yeah, love you too, now come here and kiss me," Jimin says with a teasing smile.

Namjoon frowns but he kisses him back anyway. Jimin will make it up to him. Now that he knows they have forever, Jimin will spend everyday to remind Namjoon just how much he does.

Hi thesockmonster! It's your turn! :)