[Team four] some sort of situational irony moment

[alchemicink]

Another bit set in my tdbk fantasy AU. Sorry about the Star Wars jokes...


"A long time ago..."

"Cliché," Bakugou interrupts to heckle.

Deku frowns at him. "Please, Kacchan, this is difficult to translate. Let me keep reading."

"Yeah, shush Bakugou, it's story time," Kirishima says from where he's sitting cross-legged on the floor.

Bakugou turns to Todoroki in the hopes that the idiot prince would back him up, but he's apparently made his way over to settle down beside Kirishima, like two young students ready to listen at school.

With an exasperated groan, Bakugou plops down on the floor of this ancient rundown building. (Ugh, it's fucking dusty down here. Why are there no chairs around?) He also crosses his arms though to show how angry he is about this, lest there's any confusion.

"A long time ago," Deku begins again, translating the ancient tome they'd uncovered while exploring. "in a galaxy far, far away..."

"This sounds exciting," Kirishima interrupts, leaning forward in anticipation.

"Episode IV: A NEW HOPE," Deku continues reading.

"Episode Four?" Bakugou scoffs. "You mean this isn't even the first part of the text?"

"It could be an intentional narrative device to tell the story in a nonlinear timeline," Todoroki points out. "Lots of storytellers like to do that for dramatic effect."

The whole group pauses long enough to stare at Todoroki's random explanation.

"I didn't even know you could read," Bakugou sneers.

Todoroki just gives him a deadpan stare in response, instead of rising to the bait for an argument.

Deku clears his throat. "Uh, I'll just keep reading now." He pauses and then continues, "It is a period of civil war. Rebel spaceships, striking from a hidden base, have won their first victory against the evil Galactic Empire. During the battle, Rebel spies managed to steal secret plans to the Empire’s ultimate weapon, the DEATH STAR-"

"The death star?!" Bakugou interrupts.

"Sounds intimidating," Kirishima replies.

"It sounds lame," Bakugou shoots back. "Death star? Geez, these guys should have just slapped a giant neon sign on the front that says WE ARE THE BAD GUYS. Does anyone in this story understand subtlety?"

"Maybe it's a deconstruction of expectations," Todoroki argues. "Keep reading please, Midoriya."

Deku clears his throat. "The DEATH STAR, an armored space station with enough power to destroy an entire planet."

"Ha! See?" Bakugou cackles.

"He's got you there, Todobro," Kirishima admits.

"I'm just going to keep reading," Deku cuts in before an argument breaks out. "Pursued by the Empire’s sinister agents, Princess Leia races home aboard her starship, custodian of the stolen plans that can save her people and restore freedom to the galaxy…."

"Okay, that's enough," Bakugou says, clamoring back to his feet. "We came here to explore for treasure, not listening to a story about some ancient war amongst the stars. C'mon, let's go."

Deku hastily flips through the pages to find something interesting. "But what if I told you this story features something called a... Wookie?"

Bakugou is already marching off down the hallway. "No."

Todoroki manages to catch up with him, matching his pace so they're walking side by side. Bakugou tries to ignore him.

"At one point, the heroes get stuck in a trash compactor!" Deku calls out from the distance.

"No!" Bakugou yells, more forcefully this time.

"So what was the name of that treasure we're supposed to be looking for here?" Todoroki asks. He's glancing around as if it might magically fall from the ceiling and spare them a day of searching.

"It's..." Bakugou suddenly pauses, realizing that what he's going to say next sounds ridiculous. "...called... the Orb of Doom." He mutters this last bit quietly in the hopes that Todoroki won't hear him.

"The... Orb of Doom?" Todoroki repeats skeptically.

"I said what I said," Bakugou snaps.

"The Orb of Doom?" Todoroki repeats again. "Weren't you the one complaining about lack of subtlety earlier, and yet, you dragged us here to look for something called the Orb of Doom? What's it supposed to do?"

"...blow things up," Bakugou admits.

"Is this some sort of situational irony moment?"

Bakugou rolls his eyes. "Oh stop it with the narrative analysis already. We're supposed to be looking for the treasure."

Todoroki shrugs. "Well, generally, we have two options. We either accidentally find it or accidentally stumble into a weird booby trap."

As they'd been arguing, they hadn't really been paying attention to where they were walking within the old building. So it's at this exact moment, the floor in front of them gives way and sends them hurtling to the bottom of a pit. They land without injury, but the bigger problem is that Bakugou has no idea how they're going to manage to get out of the hole.

"I'm beginning to think this treasure isn't worth the trouble," he mutters. Maybe if they're lucky, Kirishima and Deku will make it to this part of the building and bring some rope.

Todoroki, of course, remains unfazed as usual. "Maybe the real treasure was the friends we made along the way."


You're up scytale!