[Team 1] A doctor and a captain walk into a bar

[green-eggs101.livejournal.com]

~750 words of a snippet from a longer Doctor Who / Torchwood AU fic I'm writing. Janto (Jack/ Ianto), G-rated. 

“I want to see what all the fuss is about!” a feminine voice called to her friend as they entered the bar. “C’mon, Doctor.”

“I’m just not sure we should—”

“Nah, I’m with Clara on this one,” another voice added. “You said you’ve known Captain Jack for years and never seen him like this.”

“Well, Jack has always been a little—”

“Doctor,” twin voices chided in unison before spilling into giggles.

Ianto frowned, wondering which Doctor he’d be dealing with today. The tall one in the suit? The young professor in the bowtie? Or even the older gentleman who’s companion had called ‘professor’ but had insisted on being put on the same tab as “The Doctor.”

This Doctor didn’t sound like any of them though, and when Ianto finally made his way to the bar, he was met with yet another unfamiliar face calling himself “The Doctor.”

If it wasn’t for the fact that Jack had confirmed they were all, indeed, called “the Doctor” Ianto would have felt that he was in the middle of some elaborate joke.

“Let me guess, you want to open a tab under “The Doctor”?” Ianto presumed, putting coasters on the counter in front of the gentleman and two women with him.

“Well, you never know.” The Doctor fiddled with the coaster in front of him. “Might make Bill pay.”

“Oh no,” the taller woman next to him held up her hands. “I paid for chips the other day when you happened to forget your wallet.”

“Is that what he told you?” The other woman, Clara, asked with a grin. “Doctor, you don’t even carry a wallet.”

“Well…”

Bill shoved the man lightly. “You are so paying.”

Finally the man’s grumpy demeanor broke and he grinned widely, if a little manic. “Fine, I know when I’m beat. Drinks on the Doctor!”

The girls cheered and, after sharing a glance behind the Doctor’s back, proceeded to order the most expensive drinks on the menu. The Doctor ordered a pint of “whatever Ianto thought was good,” and drank it with the expression of a man who didn’t drink often.

“So, are you the guy though?”

Ianto startled, realizing that Bill was talking to him. “The guy?”

“Oh you have to be, you even have the accent.”

“It’s Welsh,” Ianto explained, raising an eyebrow. “Though I suppose it is a bit unique in London.”

“Yeah but the way Jack talks you might as well be from Mars,” Bill insisted.

“No way,” The Doctor said, “Martians have a completely different accent.”

Ianto wasn’t completely certain the man was joking.

“Look, my point is—”

“Are you the bartender that Captain Jack likes or not?” Clara asked, clearly used to interrupting arguments before they started.

Ianto paused from where he had begun to nervously polish a glass. “I well… I’m sure Jack knows a lot of bartenders with accents.”

“Mathematically probable,” The Doctor agreed.

“But I’m pretty sure he doesn’t talk about others the way he talks about you.” Clara took a sip of her drink with a smile.

Ianto turned to put the glass away and hide a blush. “Well. Maybe.”

“All the other bartenders don’t hold a candle to Ianto.”

Ianto startled at Jack’s voice, turning to the door with a grin. “Hello.”

“Hello.” Jack returned a grin of his own.

“Are they broken?” The Doctor asked, probably not as quietly as he thought.

“Shhh…” Clara hushed him.

“But they’re just repeating after each other,” The Doctor protested. “Is this some sort of strange flirting thing I’m not aware of?”

“Have you ever flirted with anyone in your life?” Bill asked.

“I have definitely done that. At some point.”

“He’s definitely never done that at anypoint.” Clara huffed, taking another sip of her drink.

“It’s a wonder he managed to convince River to go to dinner.”

“I thought we were here to discuss Captain Jack’s love life, not mine.” The Doctor now sounded petulant.

Ianto studiously did not turn around, knowing his face was absolutely red now. But of course, that just meant he now faced Jack with his complete embarrassment on his face.

Jack ignored the three at the bar, his attention solely on Ianto. “So… about that date.”

“If it means leaving this awkward situation, we can go right now.”

Jack laughed. “You get used to the Doctor. Eventually.”

“Which Doctor?” Ianto asked, but Jack only laughed again. “No, seriously, how many are there?”

“That’s a complicated question,” The Doctor answered. “Most people need a flow chart.”

Next up is @knittenkitten , your line is "Most people need a flow chart."