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writetomyheart2014-02-17 04:37 pm
faded-lace.livejournal.com) wrote in writetomyheart2014-02-17 04:37 pm
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[team two] untitled
Well, I wanted to get this done in time, but... extenuating circumstances that included me shoveling the entire school parking lot today (because classes were canceled for the students) with a 6 inch hoe caused me to not make it. So I bring you the first segment of a work in progress. It's a followup companion to last time, and it was supposed to get happier, but unfortunately, all I have here is the sad part. Oops... sorry about that. >__>; If you're interested in the whole fic, I'll post it to my journal as soon as I have it completed, which will hopefully be today or tomorrow. ^^;;
[EDIT] The completed fic is now available here at my livejournal! If you're interested, please enjoy~
Over and over again, Genki relives all of the stupid things he's done in his life; in the shower, on the train, lying in bed at night. The times when he can't occupy himself with something else are the worst, because even stressing himself out over his studies, even being criticized by the harshest of choreographers, even being chewed out yet again by his parents for not living up to their expectations, for not being the son they wanted him to be is better than being forced to reflect on all his faults. Because there are too many to count, too many to ever fully address, and so daily routines and long commutes and sleepless nights just become a never-ending lowlight-reel of his life.
And of course, Genki is mediocre to subpar at a lot of things, but recently, at times like these, all he can think about is Miyachika. All the times that he's messed up, all the times that he's made a fool of himself, all the times that he hasn't been good enough… there are so many instances that Genki feels like he's being buried alive sometimes. Because Miyachika is so cool, and so talented, and so funny, so full of life, so surrounded by friends… and Genki is the exact opposite, and so any attempt to engage with Miyachika, any time that they're in one another's presence, even, is an accident waiting to happen. Nothing about Genki measures up, and so even if he tries to pretend, even if he tries to stretch himself up to Miyachika's level, it only ends in failure, another snapshot to go into Genki's mental photo album of his own shortcomings.
But somehow, despite it all, Miyachika seems generally unruffled by Genki's existence, doesn't seem to look down on him or talk about him behind Genki's back or, really, care much at all, and while Genki longs for Miyachika's attention, his approval, being completely neutral is far better than being disdained. And actually, sometimes, when Genki's feeling particularly optimistic, sometimes it even seems like Miyachika is a little bit fond of him, times like when he asks Genki if he's coming out with the group for lunch between rehearsals or brings Genki a water from the vending machine. Despite the fact that he knows he shouldn't, despite the fact that Genki knows it's just going to leave him disappointed in the end, it makes him hope, hope that maybe, one day, somehow, things can get better between them, and while maybe, Miyachika is lightyears out of his league, at least maybe, somehow, one day they can be friends. Or something.
And so, despite his continual reliving of all his mistakes, despite how small and insignificant he feels whenever he's around Miyachika, slowly but surely, as summer turns into fall and they continue to be featured in Shounen Club performances and magazines and the choreography for Dream Boys together, somehow, Genki begins to build up something that might be comparable to courage. It isn't much, especially with the looming memories of things like tripping and falling on Miyachika at the beach and being caught staring wistfully at him on several separate occasions hanging darkly in the back of his mind, but it's enough to meet Miyachika's eyes and smile and say hello at the beginnings of rehearsals, enough to sit a little closer to him during rehearsals and listen and maybe giggle a little when he tells stories, enough to wave and bid him goodbye at the end of the day. It feels good, being able to be just a little bit closer, and even though some part of his mind screams at him that he's taking himself out dangerously far on this limb, when nothing goes horribly wrong as Dream Boys rehearsals become tech rehearsals and then performances, Genki can't help but feel like maybe, just maybe, his life is taking an upward turn for the first time ever. And it's in this swell of hope, this bubble of optimism that he finally does it: he asks Miyachika if he wants to grab dinner together after the show that day, and Miyachika actually agrees.
Genki barely feels like his feet touch the ground for the rest of the day. He barely even feels sick to his stomach before the show, and somehow, remembering his cues and choreography doesn't seem nearly so hard. Nothing can bring him down now, not when he's finally found the courage to do what he thought he'd never be able to do and actually gotten a good result. It feels like the first time in his life; up until now, Genki's entire existence has been a repetition of the best effort and most hard work on Genki's part only to have things fall short because no matter how much he tries, the fact remains that he's mediocre and untalented at the end of the day, and no amount of hard work can make up for it. But now… now, for the first time ever, he's worked towards something and actually achieved, and not even his perpetual fear of failing onstage can dampen that.
After the show, Genki waits for Miyachika at the end of hall where they'd agreed to meet, his heart beating excitedly in his chest and a nervous smile hanging on his lips. He feels a little silly, being so excited just for dinner, but this is a big deal, this means so much more than just dinner to him, and even if it's the quickest fast food dinner in the world, Genki knows that he'll be happy. The waiting is hard, but he knows he's gotten ready pretty quickly in his enthusiasm, and he doesn't mind waiting.
The minutes feel like they're taking hours, the second hand of his watch moving as if it's fighting its way through molasses, but eventually five minutes, ten minutes go by, and Miyachika doesn't appear. Their arranged meeting times comes and passes, and slowly, worry begins to overcome all the other emotions that have been filling Genki all evening. He tries to tell himself that it could be anything; Miyachika could be caught up talking with the director, or joking with friends, but he could just have easily become ill, or gotten some sort of serious call from family, and finally, when fifteen minutes have passed since the meeting time, Genki breaks down and hurries back to their dressing room, just to check.
Miyachika isn't there, and neither is his bag, a fact that leaves Genki unsure of how to feel. He looks around the hall once more, but Miyachika is nowhere in sight, and when Genki asks a few of the younger juniors if they've seen him, none of them have in the past ten minutes. He tries not to panic, but Genki's never really been good at that, and when any texts he sends to Miyachika go unanswered, Genki isn't sure what to do.
Before Genki can work himself too far into a tissy, however, worrying that Miyachika has died or fallen off the face of the planet completely, Miyachika appears down the hall-- talking and joking with a few members of Snow Man as they all head out of the theatre together. Genki watches as Miyachika smiles and laughs with their senpai, elbowing them and bumping shoulders like they're the closest of friends, watches as he leaves Genki behind without looking back. Never mind the plans that they had, never mind what he had told Genki, never mind that Genki had been so happy, so excited, so much in anticipation…
Genki isn't sure what a heart breaking feels like, but, as his knees give out and he falls to the ground right there in the hallway, tears flooding his eyes before he can stop them, he thinks that this must be it.
Your turn,![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
xingphonic!
[EDIT] The completed fic is now available here at my livejournal! If you're interested, please enjoy~
Over and over again, Genki relives all of the stupid things he's done in his life; in the shower, on the train, lying in bed at night. The times when he can't occupy himself with something else are the worst, because even stressing himself out over his studies, even being criticized by the harshest of choreographers, even being chewed out yet again by his parents for not living up to their expectations, for not being the son they wanted him to be is better than being forced to reflect on all his faults. Because there are too many to count, too many to ever fully address, and so daily routines and long commutes and sleepless nights just become a never-ending lowlight-reel of his life.
And of course, Genki is mediocre to subpar at a lot of things, but recently, at times like these, all he can think about is Miyachika. All the times that he's messed up, all the times that he's made a fool of himself, all the times that he hasn't been good enough… there are so many instances that Genki feels like he's being buried alive sometimes. Because Miyachika is so cool, and so talented, and so funny, so full of life, so surrounded by friends… and Genki is the exact opposite, and so any attempt to engage with Miyachika, any time that they're in one another's presence, even, is an accident waiting to happen. Nothing about Genki measures up, and so even if he tries to pretend, even if he tries to stretch himself up to Miyachika's level, it only ends in failure, another snapshot to go into Genki's mental photo album of his own shortcomings.
But somehow, despite it all, Miyachika seems generally unruffled by Genki's existence, doesn't seem to look down on him or talk about him behind Genki's back or, really, care much at all, and while Genki longs for Miyachika's attention, his approval, being completely neutral is far better than being disdained. And actually, sometimes, when Genki's feeling particularly optimistic, sometimes it even seems like Miyachika is a little bit fond of him, times like when he asks Genki if he's coming out with the group for lunch between rehearsals or brings Genki a water from the vending machine. Despite the fact that he knows he shouldn't, despite the fact that Genki knows it's just going to leave him disappointed in the end, it makes him hope, hope that maybe, one day, somehow, things can get better between them, and while maybe, Miyachika is lightyears out of his league, at least maybe, somehow, one day they can be friends. Or something.
And so, despite his continual reliving of all his mistakes, despite how small and insignificant he feels whenever he's around Miyachika, slowly but surely, as summer turns into fall and they continue to be featured in Shounen Club performances and magazines and the choreography for Dream Boys together, somehow, Genki begins to build up something that might be comparable to courage. It isn't much, especially with the looming memories of things like tripping and falling on Miyachika at the beach and being caught staring wistfully at him on several separate occasions hanging darkly in the back of his mind, but it's enough to meet Miyachika's eyes and smile and say hello at the beginnings of rehearsals, enough to sit a little closer to him during rehearsals and listen and maybe giggle a little when he tells stories, enough to wave and bid him goodbye at the end of the day. It feels good, being able to be just a little bit closer, and even though some part of his mind screams at him that he's taking himself out dangerously far on this limb, when nothing goes horribly wrong as Dream Boys rehearsals become tech rehearsals and then performances, Genki can't help but feel like maybe, just maybe, his life is taking an upward turn for the first time ever. And it's in this swell of hope, this bubble of optimism that he finally does it: he asks Miyachika if he wants to grab dinner together after the show that day, and Miyachika actually agrees.
Genki barely feels like his feet touch the ground for the rest of the day. He barely even feels sick to his stomach before the show, and somehow, remembering his cues and choreography doesn't seem nearly so hard. Nothing can bring him down now, not when he's finally found the courage to do what he thought he'd never be able to do and actually gotten a good result. It feels like the first time in his life; up until now, Genki's entire existence has been a repetition of the best effort and most hard work on Genki's part only to have things fall short because no matter how much he tries, the fact remains that he's mediocre and untalented at the end of the day, and no amount of hard work can make up for it. But now… now, for the first time ever, he's worked towards something and actually achieved, and not even his perpetual fear of failing onstage can dampen that.
After the show, Genki waits for Miyachika at the end of hall where they'd agreed to meet, his heart beating excitedly in his chest and a nervous smile hanging on his lips. He feels a little silly, being so excited just for dinner, but this is a big deal, this means so much more than just dinner to him, and even if it's the quickest fast food dinner in the world, Genki knows that he'll be happy. The waiting is hard, but he knows he's gotten ready pretty quickly in his enthusiasm, and he doesn't mind waiting.
The minutes feel like they're taking hours, the second hand of his watch moving as if it's fighting its way through molasses, but eventually five minutes, ten minutes go by, and Miyachika doesn't appear. Their arranged meeting times comes and passes, and slowly, worry begins to overcome all the other emotions that have been filling Genki all evening. He tries to tell himself that it could be anything; Miyachika could be caught up talking with the director, or joking with friends, but he could just have easily become ill, or gotten some sort of serious call from family, and finally, when fifteen minutes have passed since the meeting time, Genki breaks down and hurries back to their dressing room, just to check.
Miyachika isn't there, and neither is his bag, a fact that leaves Genki unsure of how to feel. He looks around the hall once more, but Miyachika is nowhere in sight, and when Genki asks a few of the younger juniors if they've seen him, none of them have in the past ten minutes. He tries not to panic, but Genki's never really been good at that, and when any texts he sends to Miyachika go unanswered, Genki isn't sure what to do.
Before Genki can work himself too far into a tissy, however, worrying that Miyachika has died or fallen off the face of the planet completely, Miyachika appears down the hall-- talking and joking with a few members of Snow Man as they all head out of the theatre together. Genki watches as Miyachika smiles and laughs with their senpai, elbowing them and bumping shoulders like they're the closest of friends, watches as he leaves Genki behind without looking back. Never mind the plans that they had, never mind what he had told Genki, never mind that Genki had been so happy, so excited, so much in anticipation…
Genki isn't sure what a heart breaking feels like, but, as his knees give out and he falls to the ground right there in the hallway, tears flooding his eyes before he can stop them, he thinks that this must be it.
Your turn,
xingphonic!
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But this fic, i think this is my life sometimes.
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And yeah, I really over-identify with Genki, so I feel you... ahahaha.
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Ugh. This is so heartbreakingly sad and I just. GENKI BB.
;___________________; so this is the part where I tell you I need more of this because I want to see where this goes, if Genki gets an apology or if he moves on...
Crying Kishi icon for reasons
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