[team sonic] stuck inside a circumstance

[bluedreaming]

Starting words from here.
Title from Bosco by Placebo.



On top of the car hood isn't the most comfortable position for certain activities. Kavinsky doesn't care. He has Ronan good and furious at him, and he knows he'll never get anything from him, he knows it with a particular ache in his chest that lingers under the last rib and never goes away. But it doesn't matter.

Kavinsky has always been far too clever at being able to find the thread that will unravel even the most tightly woven situation. In other words, he knows how to end things, how to find the end, and there's nothing more person than knowing one's own demise.

He can feel the flames and shrapnel and shredded glass tearing through his skin already.

"I can't fucking do it," Ronan snarls at him, pressing him into the metal of his Mitsubishi evo, incarnation number who-the-hell-cares-anymore. The rage in Ronan's face is pale in comparison to the fire he can already feel lapping at his skin, devouring his bones. It feels like a kiss. His eyes flutter shut, just for a moment, just for pretend.

Give me this.

And then he opens his eyes and lets all his emotions leak out through the gaping hole in the bottom of his heart.

"Stop being such a fucking child," he retorts, disdain dripping off his tongue, a particular shade of malachite that tastes bitter in his mouth. Love me, he doesn't say. Will never say. Instead, he takes the pills out of his pocket and dumpts them in Ronan's hand, the palm lying open limply.

"Make it happen." Kavinsky lets the words lie between them for a moment, hovering in the air like pointed blades, before slipping down off the car. There are already bruises along the nobs of his spine and the skin is worn through around his lower back, but he doesn't care.

He won't leave Ronan, not when it's almost over, but he slips a pill into his mouth and swallows it dry instead, the lump burning as it slowly inches down his esophagus. There are so many more ways of leaving.

Comments

[mousapelli.livejournal.com]

KAVINSKY. ugh they're so fucked up, which usually isn't my thing, but Kavinsky totally has some interesting shit going on there.

[bluedreaming]

Yes I don't think they're healthy or balanced by any stretch of the imagination (again I haven't read any fic except yours - I understand Ronan/Kavinsky as a long-term thing is actually a thing?) but in terms of digging into the motives of the story etc., I have a lot of thoughts, and a fanciful little headcanon alternate ending for him ^^

[mousapelli.livejournal.com]

some people write it, especially in AU yeah. I can sort of see the appeal as an alternate thing, but there's no point at which Ronan gets it and they're still hanging out. I mean, Ronan himself says in the book "it was never going to be you and me" and he's so surprised by it. so I think it takes him until just that moment to realize that Kavinsky was actually trying to woo him in some weird way, and as soon as he realizes, he backs the whole way out, like nope nope nope. Because Ronan doesn't need that, he's already full of Adam, and also Gansey and Noah, so he totally doesn't see the purpose of Kavinsky doing this stuff. his attention is just totally elsewhere and on learning how to do the thing. But really, who pays that close attention to somebody and isn't interested?

Also I see Kavinsky as what you get if Ronan doesn't have Gansey (and Adam later, but Gansey especially right after his father dies). One of the first things you get told about him is about his absentee father, and then he really doesn't have anybody to reign him in, or even any real friends, once you realize that Propenko is a thing he made up for himself. He even steals Ronan's brother, which is pretty blatant. I'm not sure if that's what Stiefvater meant to set up there, but I really came away from that feeling like Kavinsky was there to show what Ronan could have been if he were alone, and then what he still could become if he weren't warned off from being careless.

[bluedreaming]

Ah okay I understand it more in AU, where it's possibly implied that things have turned out differently; the same things didn't happen in the past, etc. But you're totally right about Kavinsky being an alternate Ronan of sorts-for Ronan to embrace Kavinsky right now would be to deny everthing that has happened in Ronan's life. It's just not possible- becuase of what's happened, Ronan is NOT Kavinsky so they just can't coincide. They're on parallel paths.

Now Kavinsky on the other hand....if he didn't die and goes on and lives a separate life... (I'll continiue this comment later have to run)

[bluedreaming]

Also by this point it might be true that Kavinsky is trying to attract/come on to Ronan in some way, it's eclipsed by the fact that he's so broken, so sputtering flame burning out that he doesn't actually have it in him to love anyone at all. Kavinsky is already living the conlusion.