http://drainbamage954.livejournal.com/ (![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png)
drainbamage954.livejournal.com) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
writetomyheart2015-10-01 10:59 pm
drainbamage954.livejournal.com) wrote in writetomyheart2015-10-01 10:59 pm
[Team Sonic] Timeless
First words from nothing gold can stay
Backtrack music from Sam Tsui's cover of Ed Sheeran's - Photograph and with inspiration from this vine.
I also feel like I did this wrong regarding length but I just had a lot of feelings...
"Do you mind if I sit with you?" Hoseok asks, smiling as he steps into the white toned and clean room. The man on the bed doesn't answer him, eyes still closed and as Hoseok walks up to the bed, a small bouquet of fresh flowers to replace the old ones on the table beside the bed in his hands, he knows he won't get an answer. "Alright," he continues anyway, settling himself on the side of the bed, leaning over to brush back the dark brown bangs that have gotten too long out of a familiar face. "I missed you."
All Hoseok can see is a smile. He's heard before of those blinding smiles that block out the whole world, but he'd never thought they were real. Now, he believes, heart hammering in his chest as he sits on the airplane during take off with his hands clenched on his armrests staring at his smiling neighbor.
"It'll be okay," his neighbor says, his deep soft voice washing over Hoseok's frazzled nerves, drowning out the building hum of the engines. A hand offers itself, palm up, looking soft and inviting. "Do you want to hold my hand?"
"I'm fine," Hoseok says, feeling his stomach clench in anxiety as the plane shakes, gathering speed as it races down the runway to take to the sky.
"Okay," says the smile, the hand lowering to lay on the armrest right beside Hoseok's clenched hands. "I'll just leave it here though, just in case. Sometimes it's easier if you can hold onto something that you can squeeze."
Trying to laugh as his familiar sense of flight anxiety rises, the airplane tipping back as they begin to ascend, Hoseok turns to attempt a smile. "I don't want to crush your hand."
Eyes dance as that smile somehow becomes larger, warmer, bigger and wrapping around Hoseok's fragile state of mind. "I won't break, I promise."
As the plane takes off, the bottom dropping out of Hoseok's stomach as air presses into his ears and his heart pounds, his hand slips into warmth, squeezing unconsciously to hold on for dear life, trying not to fall apart. For the first time, he can breathe through it as the warmth closes around him protectively, holding him together and keeping him safe.
"I talked to Jimin," Hoseok says, fingers drumming a soft cadence against the inside of a wrist. It's what they did for ages, tapping patterns and sequences, heart beats against skin to softly speak in messages beyond words. "He's doing alright, though he hates that you're not at the shop anymore. He misses you, too."
The soft hum of the machine beside the bed fills the space between Hoseok's breath as he looks at the man beside him.
"He also got a new intern finally. Not to replace you, of course, but just to help him out while he-" it catches in his throat "-while he figures things out. He promised that no one could replace you, but I swear that he really likes this new guy. He's been trying to get me to come around more, go to the music events he's hosting at the shop in the evenings so that Namjoon at least has somewhere to exhibit his music, considering he thinks he's above youtube."
There isn't a replying laugh, but Hoseok smiles anyway. It's hard to smile for both of them, but Hoseok doesn't mind. He doesn't mind.
"So." The terminal is dark, late and most of the passengers have left already to go to their hotels, the food stalls closed and the airport busses wait for the last travelers to clamber up their steps tiredly.
"Where are you staying?" asks the smile, never ending, still blinding, and even if Hoseok has almost no energy left after a ten hour flight, he doesn't want to leave. Not quite yet.
"At the-" Hoseok squints down at his travel itinerary, stuck in the travel pouch he'd hung around his neck. "The Quinn? Something?"
"Do you want to get something to eat?"
It's late. Hoseok should check into his hotel, figure out where he's going to go tomorrow, figure out his vacation where he just feels tired instead of relaxed or excited. Figure out- "yeah," Hoseok says, watching as the man who sat beside him during the flight begins to swing his arms at his sides. It makes his hands itch to grab for one of them, to make it stop. To feel the soft warmth one more time.
"Okay." Another smile, another beat, another decision that puts Hoseok further away from a hotel bed and somewhere new and unknown. "I want pasta."
It make Hoseok laugh, and he can't believe the sound himself for how real it is. "We're in Vienna."
"I'm sure they have a pasta place open this late." Before Hoseok can say no, before he can change his mind, his hand is being taken and he's being pulled away, breath left caught in his throat by the information booth as he watches that brilliant smile turn back to him. "Follow me."
"Okay," is all Hoseok can say, letting himself go for the first time in years.
A soft knock at the door has Hoseok looking up from where he'd been reading on the bed, stretched out and comfortable with the gentle weight of a head resting on his shoulder. "Mr. Jung?"
The man walking into the room is tall, a soft face and delicate features, his smile kindly and understanding. Sitting up, Hoseok slips his thumb in between the pages of his book, making sure to keep his place. "Long time no see," he teases, smiling as Seokjin laughs, his eyes dancing.
"You were here yesterday," Seokjin reminds him, stepping up to the end of the bed and flipping through a few papers.
"A whole fourteen hours that I haven't been here," Hoseok agrees with a wide smile. "I know you missed me, it's okay, you don't have to admit it. I know deep down inside."
For a moment, Seokjin's eyes linger on him, on the man resting beside him, tucked so carefully into Hoseok's side and his smile fades with the flicker of clouds passing over the sun outside. "Hoseok-"
"It's my day off," Hoseok cuts him off, easing back into the bed. "I didn't take off work this time."
The silence spreads like snow, falling gently in soft drifting patterns through the room as a light breeze plays in through the open window, sending spirals of noiseless whispers between eyes that won't meet. Finally, as the soft beeping of the monitor beside the bed continues on its' endless cadence, Seokjin takes in a soft breath as he steps back. "It's good to see you here."
The beats in his chest are missing, the soft tapping against his wrist long gone and Hoseok has stopped pretending even if he won't admit it, letting the soft mechanical hum beside him remind him instead. "Where else would I be?" he asks, smiling through the paper thin mask he's been left holding onto.
Teach me how to smile, I've begun to forget what it feels like without yours to guide me.
Vienna is nothing but life and sounds. It's cars, it's music, it's crowds of people moving across the stress, over sidewalks, skirting around him as the man holding onto his hand laughs and jumps and dances to music that only they can hear. It leaves Hoseok breathless, full and gasping amid laughter and smiles and the rush of everything as he tries to keep up with the brilliant energy tugging him along.
It's hard to figure out where the thrill of Vienna begins and where the explosive and surrounding enigma that is Taehyung ends. It leaves Hoseok hanging between whether his head is spinning because of the museums, the gardens, the cafes and shops and randomly discovered street musicians or because of Taehyung dragging him there, laughing with him, turning to him with ridiculous questions that have them both laughing into gasps of breath. It's Taehyung leaping up to teeter along the rail of a bridge as Hoseok nearly screams in panic, Taehyung stepping so their sides press too close as they watch a man drum out a symphony on trash cans, it's Taehyung laughing, Taehyung dancing, Taehyung butchering the languages in the guidebook as Hoseok can't breathe amid endless laughter.
It's been five days and Hoseok has laughed more than he's laughed in five years, head light and chest lighter, his feet about to fly off the ground as his hand never leaves the soft grip that won't let go.
"Hurry, hurry, hurry, hurry!" Taehyung is chanting, faster and faster as they rush down the street through the crowd. The crosswalk light is blinking and Hoseok knows they won't make it, but he breaks into a run anyway, a laugh spilling unbidden from his throat as he pulls ahead, tugging a smiling Taehyung behind him. "Hurry!" Taehyung calls, words hot against his neck as his heart pounds, feet hitting cobblestones as the light flashes and they sprint across the street.
They barely make it, Taehyung crashing into Hoseok as they leap to the sidewalk just as the light turns and the cars speed through the intersection they just ran through. Heart pounding in his chest, Hoseok can't breathe, the weight of Taehyung against his back, body shaking with low and warming laughs that Hoseok can feel in his chest, filling him up, vibrating through him until they settle into his skin, seeping into his pulse.
"We made it," Hoseok tells Taehyung, turning to the brilliant smile that has turned this spontaneous trip into something he's enjoying rather than dwelling on the piles of work stacking up back home. "We-"
"We're going to be late!" Taehyung interrupts, his low voice cracking high with anticipation as he leans too close, fingers slipping between the gaps of Hoseok's and holding on fast.
"For what?" Hoseok asks, still not sure where they're going, just following and letting go of the ties that would hold him back.
"It!" Taehyung shouts before they're off, a whirlwind of everything and all Hoseok can see is a brilliant smile that lights up everything around them, pooling into him with the warmth of sunshine.
Sprinting out to a square, Hoseok can only falter as Taehyung lets go of his hand, bouncing away over the ground littered with small dials. "What-?"
And then a scream, a scream of excitement from Taehyung and shock from Hoseok as the ground suddenly explodes in streams of water, bursting from under them into the sky. Showering down on Hoseok's rigid with shock form, the water barely chills as the warmth of Taehyung's laughter echoes around him, the smile on his face absolute as he runs to him and grabs for his hands, holding on and holding together.
Even the water raining down on him cannot take away the sunshine that stumbled into Hoseok's life, beaming for him and with him in an endless brilliance that hums happiness through his veins.
When Hoseok wakes, it has grown dim outside, the sun setting and the lights in the room off to cast it into the gentle shadows of twilight. Beside him breathes the steady rhythm of life, soft comfort and Hoseok lets his eyes close once more, drifting into the warmth beside him. With his eyes closed like this, they could be anywhere but here, and they could be anything but this.
They could be back in Vienna, that first night that Taehyung had stumbled after too much to drink to crash in Hoseok's hotel room, giggling and too loud before drifting into gentle quiet sleep that brushed against Hoseok's cheeks. They could be back home, curled up after long days, limbs fit together in all the spaces they found fit and slipped into, gently breathing each other in to just step back from the rush of the day and into the security of each other's heart beats. They could be back in Iceland, on the best and worst vacation, with Hoseok sticky with salt and Taehyung too tired from hiking to care that they were sleeping in a jail cell.
They could be back to their first night as each other's, tucked together with fingers laced and matching bands glinting in the moonlight as they lay out under the night sky and made promises until dawn crept over the horizon.
With the soft gentle breathing ghosting against Hoseok's skin, the warm stable chest under his arm and the feeling of everything he's grown into and become settled about him in the space between reality and fond memories of the forgiving mind, Hoseok can smile.
"I love you," is mumbled in a stuck throat that remembers, and even if he can forget for just a moment, he can't forget forever. It's caught, right there in the stick in his voice that knows, that can't forget that no matter how many times he says "I love you" now, he'll be the only voice that does so.
Curling close, Hoseok keeps silent to listen to the soft breaths from Taehyung over the soft hum from the monitors gently beeping the last of life through the room.
"I won't break." The smile this time isn't so bright, not as reassuring, but it's still there. "I promise."
"What if I break?" he can't help but ask.
"You won't." The smile is so big, so real, still just as amazing even as the soft tracks of sadness begin to fall. "You're too strong to break."
The first time Taehyung kisses him is an accident. They're on a bridge, arguing about a polaroid camera that Taehyung bought from a peddler as Hoseok tries to get them not to stand on the ledge for safety reasons. They argue, tugging the camera between the two of them amid a passing crowd of people, finally catching someone's attention to just take their picture together. Standing side by side, Taehyung's face scrunched up and smushed against Hoseok's ear as he grins too wide, they're ready for the flash when a man slams into Hoseok's side.
With a crash to the ground, the photograph captures their startled and upset faces as the man, a purse snatcher who had lost his footing, cascade to the ground where Hoseok nearly breaks the thief's nose with his elbow as Taehyung clung onto him for dear life, struggling to stay upright as they fell.
Somewhere between the screaming and the flash of a camera, Hoseok's elbow had ended up in the thief's stomach instead and with Taehyung's hands fists in his shirt, mouths awkwardly pressed together as the nice lady who took their picture stared in shocked silence.
It had been an accident, but neither of them apologized (not even the thief, who just got up and kept running).
The second time Taehyung kisses him is on purpose, after a long meal and a night of jazz music when they end up back at their hotel room. It had been a few days since they stopped getting separate hotels, Hoseok learning Taehyung had no travel plan at all and was just making things up and Hoseok deciding for once he didn't need to plan everything out. The second time, Hoseok is wearing only one shoe, getting ready for bed as Taehyung steps out of the bathroom, washed up and with a smear of toothpaste by the corner of his mouth looking sleepy but content.
With one shoe on and his sweater hanging around his neck, Hoseok looks up to ask Taehyung what time he should have the front desk call them to wake up the next morning, and tastes sweet mint as lips, soft and warm, press against his own. This time, as Taehyung pulls away, he looks sheepish, flushed a cute pink and worrying his bottom lip, an apology just at the tip of his wavering gaze.
"I'm-"
Hoseok never hears the apology, instead finally reaching out for the warmth of his world and pulling it to him, holding on as he makes sure Taehyung never apologizes for doing something neither of them regret. Their second kiss ends with Taehyung's fingers in Hoseok's hair and with bruised lips turned up in matching smiles.
In the dark of the hotel room later with Taehyung's back pressed into his arms in comforting warm solidity, Hoseok promises himself it won't be the last.
On the windowsill of the room are photographs, taken from years and years of time, capturing memories of smiles, of laughter, of friendships and milestones. There are pictures of friends, of family, of Taehyung and Hoseok and all the stupid haircuts, the bad shirt choices, and the happiness that could never truly be captured in a single still image.
There are cards too, resting between each photograph and frame, words of health, happiness, hope that is well intended but long ago forgotten. They are from people who care, people who haven't been in the room yet, too far and too scared to push into the space where smiles stopped and the air grew too quiet. The flowers on the bedside table have begun to wilt, and Hoseok smiles faintly as he replaces them with new ones the color of sunshine, yellow and beautiful.
"I miss you," Hoseok says quietly, turning to the man on the bed, the man he's loved for years and still loves now, wishing that just once more, Taehyung would open his eyes for him.
Wishing he would smile once more and fill the world with the light of the sun.
How can I be strong when you're what holds me together?
When Hoseok had first gone to Vienna, it was because Namjoon was sick of him sitting and working and never getting out into the real world. It had been a team effort between himself and Yoongi, pooling resources to buy him a ticket to a far away world with a travel plan to get him out of his rut and outside his door. To live again. Hoseok had hated it at first, uprooted from work and shoved on a plane (which he hated), to go fly across the world (which was terrifying), to a country he didn't understand (which was panich inducing).
Then, terrified of flying and certain he'd choke on the package of airplane peanuts, Hoseok had met Taehyung and forgotten everything in his smile.
When Hoseok goes back to Vienna for a second time, he's seated beside Taehyung again, hands laced together and the old anxiety gone to be mixed with an unease he desperately wishes he could forget. Beside him, Taehyung looks tired but smiles with that same beautiful brilliance Hoseok fell in love with all those years ago.
Giving his hand a soft squeeze, Hoseok leans closer, watching as Taehyung breathes deeply. "Are you sure you want to do this?" Hoseok asks, wondering again as his mind goes through the thousands of reasons they shouldn't be on this plane, the risks that it means taking for Taehyung as his hours slowly tick away.
Opening his eyes, Taehyung turns to Hoseok with eyes dimmer than when they first met, but the warmth and light of love in them is still there, still shining just for him. "Of course I want to do this," Taehyung tells him. "This is us, remember? This is our trip. This is history. We have to make sure to do everything."
"Even the fish pond?" Hoseok teases, smiling as Taehyung laughs, weak but crinkling his eyes into happiness.
"Especially the fish pond," Taehyung tells him, smile wide and beautiful as Hoseok's heart beats to bleed in his chest. Taehyung's eyes soften, and his fingers squeeze gently around Hoseok's hand, holding him together as he's done for years. Ever since he stepped into Hoseok's life and showed him what sunshine felt like inside his heart. "I love you."
Closing his eyes, Hoseok smiles and squeezes back, knowing that this is the last time they'll do this, that this is the last memories they'll make together. Knowing that they have to count, that they'll keep Taehyung alive in his heart even after he's gone. "I love you, too," he answers and breathes in the feeling of Taehyung with him.
As the plane takes off into the air, Hoseok leaves on the ground his apprehension, his worries, his fears, and the reality that this is the last time. All he takes with him is Taehyung and the excitement of this trip, the greatest trip of their lives.
The hand on his back hasn't left since they'd stepped into the room. It's been days upon days of saying goodbye, of lying beside a sun that will never rise again, days of pretending that goodbye may never come.
"We're here," murmurs gently beside Hoseok, tone warm and gentle, kind and patient and Hoseok nods, eyes closing as he listens to the beat of his heart. Stable, real, tapping the rhythms of life within him in a constant cadence of him continuing on. "We're here for you."
It's times like this, when Hoseok can feel the ache so strong in his throat as he holds back tears that he's already cried, dried up long ago from long nights of silence, that he's thankful for his friends. Namjoon's hand is warm and comforting against his back, Yoongi's shoulder against his own keeping him up as Seokjin watches him with a patient and careful tilt to his lips.
"I know," Hoseok says, looking at the figure on the bed.
It's been a long time since the person lying there opened his eyes and looked at Hoseok. It's been a long time since Hoseok told him he loved him and Taehyung smiled back, weak and faded but clinging to the last threads of consciousness. I'll always love you, had whispered quietly from him as his hand tightened faintly around Hoseok's. With a smile that pulled Hoseok's world together, Taehyung had looked at him one more time and promised, I'll always be with you, before his eyes had closed for the last time.
Once, back before everything had become too real and their youth had stumbled into the wall of how they didn't live forever, Taehyung had told Hoseok he never wanted to die unless it was exciting. Life was meant to be lived, and what was the point if he didn't go out with a bang? It feels unfair, after all of the whirlwind of life that Taehyung had been, that something had crept up and taken him before he could live to the fullest, instead lost to a hospital bed as friends and family and all but Hoseok were left to say goodbye one last time.
It's been days since Hoseok heard Taehyung's voice, since the brilliance of Taehyung had left the person on the bed, leaving simply a shell waiting to be let go, hanging on for the final release.
"Whenever you're ready," Seokjin tells Hoseok gently as he stands by the life support machines near the bed.
Taehyung could be sleeping if only Hoseok didn't know he would never wake. His hair is soft under his touch, brushing back from his forehead like Hoseok has done so many times, and it pulls a smile from Hoseok as he looks down at him. The man that had fallen into his life unexpectedly and never left, that Hoseok had fallen in love with without meaning to, that had brought him out of being too nervous for adventure before Taehyung had taken his hand and pulled him into a world of color illuminated by the sunshine that radiated from within him.
It's been so long since Taehyung has smiled, but Hoseok finds himself smiling now, looking down at the man he loves, will always love, who taught him how to smile with the sun. Fingers trembling, he leans down, brushing his lips to Taehyung's forehead as he tells him one last time, "thank you."
It's not I love you, but they've told each other those words enough that it is part of them. Instead, it's all that's left unsaid.
The soft sounds from the machine fade before Seokjin has touched them, and Hoseok knows as his eyes close, fingers pressing into white linen, that Taehyung had waited until he was ready to let him go.
"When did you know?" Hoseok asks, looking up at the stars as they lie together, lives changed and twined forever now, hearts beating for each other in a rhythm that will never end.
"What?"
The smile that Taehyung is wearing is visible in the night, teasing in the starlight that catches on his eyelashes. "That you didn't want to let go," Hoseok clarifies.
There's a long moment where Taehyung is silent, looking up at him in rare quiet. "Do you remember," he begins. "When we first met?"
"On the plane."
"When you held onto my hand and nearly broke all my fingers," Taehyung continues, wetting his lips as his eyes flicker over Hoseok, as if not sure to continue. Every answer is different, but this time, Hoseok believes him, and there isn't a tease in his voice, only truth.
"I didn't almost break all your fingers," Hoseok reminds him.
"If you had, then I wouldn't have been able to hold your hand. Then we'd never have nearly gotten arrested and I wouldn't have fallen asleep on you in a park," Taehyung laughs. "But you did, and between you inhaling into a paper bag and me exploding a bag of peanuts down your shirt, I just figured I could spend the rest of my life with you."
"Well," Hoseok smiles, watching as a mirroring smile blooms over Taehyung's face, lighting him up with that radiance that pours out of him and into Hoseok and the world around him. "Now you can."
The photographs lining the shelves are all of smiles, happy memories of wonderful times and moments that are preserved in an world that will never change. Looking between the faces, it's impossible to see the fights, the tears, the awkward tense silences and the long days, but the happiness, the love and the strength are there.
Fingers brushing over a smile that Hoseok will never forget, he ghosts his own, pulling it back and hoping that one day, it'll be strong again. "Thank you," Hoseok says, looking at the picture of himself and Taehyung from a year ago, fingers brushing just by Taehyung's brilliance that Hoseok can still feel the shadows of in his chest. "For spending your life with me."
And even in the silence that had been so rare, the laughter, love, life and light is still there, remembered in photographs and memories that will never die even as the rest of the world continues on.
Backtrack music from Sam Tsui's cover of Ed Sheeran's - Photograph and with inspiration from this vine.
I also feel like I did this wrong regarding length but I just had a lot of feelings...
"Do you mind if I sit with you?" Hoseok asks, smiling as he steps into the white toned and clean room. The man on the bed doesn't answer him, eyes still closed and as Hoseok walks up to the bed, a small bouquet of fresh flowers to replace the old ones on the table beside the bed in his hands, he knows he won't get an answer. "Alright," he continues anyway, settling himself on the side of the bed, leaning over to brush back the dark brown bangs that have gotten too long out of a familiar face. "I missed you."
All Hoseok can see is a smile. He's heard before of those blinding smiles that block out the whole world, but he'd never thought they were real. Now, he believes, heart hammering in his chest as he sits on the airplane during take off with his hands clenched on his armrests staring at his smiling neighbor.
"It'll be okay," his neighbor says, his deep soft voice washing over Hoseok's frazzled nerves, drowning out the building hum of the engines. A hand offers itself, palm up, looking soft and inviting. "Do you want to hold my hand?"
"I'm fine," Hoseok says, feeling his stomach clench in anxiety as the plane shakes, gathering speed as it races down the runway to take to the sky.
"Okay," says the smile, the hand lowering to lay on the armrest right beside Hoseok's clenched hands. "I'll just leave it here though, just in case. Sometimes it's easier if you can hold onto something that you can squeeze."
Trying to laugh as his familiar sense of flight anxiety rises, the airplane tipping back as they begin to ascend, Hoseok turns to attempt a smile. "I don't want to crush your hand."
Eyes dance as that smile somehow becomes larger, warmer, bigger and wrapping around Hoseok's fragile state of mind. "I won't break, I promise."
As the plane takes off, the bottom dropping out of Hoseok's stomach as air presses into his ears and his heart pounds, his hand slips into warmth, squeezing unconsciously to hold on for dear life, trying not to fall apart. For the first time, he can breathe through it as the warmth closes around him protectively, holding him together and keeping him safe.
"I talked to Jimin," Hoseok says, fingers drumming a soft cadence against the inside of a wrist. It's what they did for ages, tapping patterns and sequences, heart beats against skin to softly speak in messages beyond words. "He's doing alright, though he hates that you're not at the shop anymore. He misses you, too."
The soft hum of the machine beside the bed fills the space between Hoseok's breath as he looks at the man beside him.
"He also got a new intern finally. Not to replace you, of course, but just to help him out while he-" it catches in his throat "-while he figures things out. He promised that no one could replace you, but I swear that he really likes this new guy. He's been trying to get me to come around more, go to the music events he's hosting at the shop in the evenings so that Namjoon at least has somewhere to exhibit his music, considering he thinks he's above youtube."
There isn't a replying laugh, but Hoseok smiles anyway. It's hard to smile for both of them, but Hoseok doesn't mind. He doesn't mind.
"So." The terminal is dark, late and most of the passengers have left already to go to their hotels, the food stalls closed and the airport busses wait for the last travelers to clamber up their steps tiredly.
"Where are you staying?" asks the smile, never ending, still blinding, and even if Hoseok has almost no energy left after a ten hour flight, he doesn't want to leave. Not quite yet.
"At the-" Hoseok squints down at his travel itinerary, stuck in the travel pouch he'd hung around his neck. "The Quinn? Something?"
"Do you want to get something to eat?"
It's late. Hoseok should check into his hotel, figure out where he's going to go tomorrow, figure out his vacation where he just feels tired instead of relaxed or excited. Figure out- "yeah," Hoseok says, watching as the man who sat beside him during the flight begins to swing his arms at his sides. It makes his hands itch to grab for one of them, to make it stop. To feel the soft warmth one more time.
"Okay." Another smile, another beat, another decision that puts Hoseok further away from a hotel bed and somewhere new and unknown. "I want pasta."
It make Hoseok laugh, and he can't believe the sound himself for how real it is. "We're in Vienna."
"I'm sure they have a pasta place open this late." Before Hoseok can say no, before he can change his mind, his hand is being taken and he's being pulled away, breath left caught in his throat by the information booth as he watches that brilliant smile turn back to him. "Follow me."
"Okay," is all Hoseok can say, letting himself go for the first time in years.
A soft knock at the door has Hoseok looking up from where he'd been reading on the bed, stretched out and comfortable with the gentle weight of a head resting on his shoulder. "Mr. Jung?"
The man walking into the room is tall, a soft face and delicate features, his smile kindly and understanding. Sitting up, Hoseok slips his thumb in between the pages of his book, making sure to keep his place. "Long time no see," he teases, smiling as Seokjin laughs, his eyes dancing.
"You were here yesterday," Seokjin reminds him, stepping up to the end of the bed and flipping through a few papers.
"A whole fourteen hours that I haven't been here," Hoseok agrees with a wide smile. "I know you missed me, it's okay, you don't have to admit it. I know deep down inside."
For a moment, Seokjin's eyes linger on him, on the man resting beside him, tucked so carefully into Hoseok's side and his smile fades with the flicker of clouds passing over the sun outside. "Hoseok-"
"It's my day off," Hoseok cuts him off, easing back into the bed. "I didn't take off work this time."
The silence spreads like snow, falling gently in soft drifting patterns through the room as a light breeze plays in through the open window, sending spirals of noiseless whispers between eyes that won't meet. Finally, as the soft beeping of the monitor beside the bed continues on its' endless cadence, Seokjin takes in a soft breath as he steps back. "It's good to see you here."
The beats in his chest are missing, the soft tapping against his wrist long gone and Hoseok has stopped pretending even if he won't admit it, letting the soft mechanical hum beside him remind him instead. "Where else would I be?" he asks, smiling through the paper thin mask he's been left holding onto.
Teach me how to smile, I've begun to forget what it feels like without yours to guide me.
Vienna is nothing but life and sounds. It's cars, it's music, it's crowds of people moving across the stress, over sidewalks, skirting around him as the man holding onto his hand laughs and jumps and dances to music that only they can hear. It leaves Hoseok breathless, full and gasping amid laughter and smiles and the rush of everything as he tries to keep up with the brilliant energy tugging him along.
It's hard to figure out where the thrill of Vienna begins and where the explosive and surrounding enigma that is Taehyung ends. It leaves Hoseok hanging between whether his head is spinning because of the museums, the gardens, the cafes and shops and randomly discovered street musicians or because of Taehyung dragging him there, laughing with him, turning to him with ridiculous questions that have them both laughing into gasps of breath. It's Taehyung leaping up to teeter along the rail of a bridge as Hoseok nearly screams in panic, Taehyung stepping so their sides press too close as they watch a man drum out a symphony on trash cans, it's Taehyung laughing, Taehyung dancing, Taehyung butchering the languages in the guidebook as Hoseok can't breathe amid endless laughter.
It's been five days and Hoseok has laughed more than he's laughed in five years, head light and chest lighter, his feet about to fly off the ground as his hand never leaves the soft grip that won't let go.
"Hurry, hurry, hurry, hurry!" Taehyung is chanting, faster and faster as they rush down the street through the crowd. The crosswalk light is blinking and Hoseok knows they won't make it, but he breaks into a run anyway, a laugh spilling unbidden from his throat as he pulls ahead, tugging a smiling Taehyung behind him. "Hurry!" Taehyung calls, words hot against his neck as his heart pounds, feet hitting cobblestones as the light flashes and they sprint across the street.
They barely make it, Taehyung crashing into Hoseok as they leap to the sidewalk just as the light turns and the cars speed through the intersection they just ran through. Heart pounding in his chest, Hoseok can't breathe, the weight of Taehyung against his back, body shaking with low and warming laughs that Hoseok can feel in his chest, filling him up, vibrating through him until they settle into his skin, seeping into his pulse.
"We made it," Hoseok tells Taehyung, turning to the brilliant smile that has turned this spontaneous trip into something he's enjoying rather than dwelling on the piles of work stacking up back home. "We-"
"We're going to be late!" Taehyung interrupts, his low voice cracking high with anticipation as he leans too close, fingers slipping between the gaps of Hoseok's and holding on fast.
"For what?" Hoseok asks, still not sure where they're going, just following and letting go of the ties that would hold him back.
"It!" Taehyung shouts before they're off, a whirlwind of everything and all Hoseok can see is a brilliant smile that lights up everything around them, pooling into him with the warmth of sunshine.
Sprinting out to a square, Hoseok can only falter as Taehyung lets go of his hand, bouncing away over the ground littered with small dials. "What-?"
And then a scream, a scream of excitement from Taehyung and shock from Hoseok as the ground suddenly explodes in streams of water, bursting from under them into the sky. Showering down on Hoseok's rigid with shock form, the water barely chills as the warmth of Taehyung's laughter echoes around him, the smile on his face absolute as he runs to him and grabs for his hands, holding on and holding together.
Even the water raining down on him cannot take away the sunshine that stumbled into Hoseok's life, beaming for him and with him in an endless brilliance that hums happiness through his veins.
When Hoseok wakes, it has grown dim outside, the sun setting and the lights in the room off to cast it into the gentle shadows of twilight. Beside him breathes the steady rhythm of life, soft comfort and Hoseok lets his eyes close once more, drifting into the warmth beside him. With his eyes closed like this, they could be anywhere but here, and they could be anything but this.
They could be back in Vienna, that first night that Taehyung had stumbled after too much to drink to crash in Hoseok's hotel room, giggling and too loud before drifting into gentle quiet sleep that brushed against Hoseok's cheeks. They could be back home, curled up after long days, limbs fit together in all the spaces they found fit and slipped into, gently breathing each other in to just step back from the rush of the day and into the security of each other's heart beats. They could be back in Iceland, on the best and worst vacation, with Hoseok sticky with salt and Taehyung too tired from hiking to care that they were sleeping in a jail cell.
They could be back to their first night as each other's, tucked together with fingers laced and matching bands glinting in the moonlight as they lay out under the night sky and made promises until dawn crept over the horizon.
With the soft gentle breathing ghosting against Hoseok's skin, the warm stable chest under his arm and the feeling of everything he's grown into and become settled about him in the space between reality and fond memories of the forgiving mind, Hoseok can smile.
"I love you," is mumbled in a stuck throat that remembers, and even if he can forget for just a moment, he can't forget forever. It's caught, right there in the stick in his voice that knows, that can't forget that no matter how many times he says "I love you" now, he'll be the only voice that does so.
Curling close, Hoseok keeps silent to listen to the soft breaths from Taehyung over the soft hum from the monitors gently beeping the last of life through the room.
"I won't break." The smile this time isn't so bright, not as reassuring, but it's still there. "I promise."
"What if I break?" he can't help but ask.
"You won't." The smile is so big, so real, still just as amazing even as the soft tracks of sadness begin to fall. "You're too strong to break."
The first time Taehyung kisses him is an accident. They're on a bridge, arguing about a polaroid camera that Taehyung bought from a peddler as Hoseok tries to get them not to stand on the ledge for safety reasons. They argue, tugging the camera between the two of them amid a passing crowd of people, finally catching someone's attention to just take their picture together. Standing side by side, Taehyung's face scrunched up and smushed against Hoseok's ear as he grins too wide, they're ready for the flash when a man slams into Hoseok's side.
With a crash to the ground, the photograph captures their startled and upset faces as the man, a purse snatcher who had lost his footing, cascade to the ground where Hoseok nearly breaks the thief's nose with his elbow as Taehyung clung onto him for dear life, struggling to stay upright as they fell.
Somewhere between the screaming and the flash of a camera, Hoseok's elbow had ended up in the thief's stomach instead and with Taehyung's hands fists in his shirt, mouths awkwardly pressed together as the nice lady who took their picture stared in shocked silence.
It had been an accident, but neither of them apologized (not even the thief, who just got up and kept running).
The second time Taehyung kisses him is on purpose, after a long meal and a night of jazz music when they end up back at their hotel room. It had been a few days since they stopped getting separate hotels, Hoseok learning Taehyung had no travel plan at all and was just making things up and Hoseok deciding for once he didn't need to plan everything out. The second time, Hoseok is wearing only one shoe, getting ready for bed as Taehyung steps out of the bathroom, washed up and with a smear of toothpaste by the corner of his mouth looking sleepy but content.
With one shoe on and his sweater hanging around his neck, Hoseok looks up to ask Taehyung what time he should have the front desk call them to wake up the next morning, and tastes sweet mint as lips, soft and warm, press against his own. This time, as Taehyung pulls away, he looks sheepish, flushed a cute pink and worrying his bottom lip, an apology just at the tip of his wavering gaze.
"I'm-"
Hoseok never hears the apology, instead finally reaching out for the warmth of his world and pulling it to him, holding on as he makes sure Taehyung never apologizes for doing something neither of them regret. Their second kiss ends with Taehyung's fingers in Hoseok's hair and with bruised lips turned up in matching smiles.
In the dark of the hotel room later with Taehyung's back pressed into his arms in comforting warm solidity, Hoseok promises himself it won't be the last.
On the windowsill of the room are photographs, taken from years and years of time, capturing memories of smiles, of laughter, of friendships and milestones. There are pictures of friends, of family, of Taehyung and Hoseok and all the stupid haircuts, the bad shirt choices, and the happiness that could never truly be captured in a single still image.
There are cards too, resting between each photograph and frame, words of health, happiness, hope that is well intended but long ago forgotten. They are from people who care, people who haven't been in the room yet, too far and too scared to push into the space where smiles stopped and the air grew too quiet. The flowers on the bedside table have begun to wilt, and Hoseok smiles faintly as he replaces them with new ones the color of sunshine, yellow and beautiful.
"I miss you," Hoseok says quietly, turning to the man on the bed, the man he's loved for years and still loves now, wishing that just once more, Taehyung would open his eyes for him.
Wishing he would smile once more and fill the world with the light of the sun.
How can I be strong when you're what holds me together?
When Hoseok had first gone to Vienna, it was because Namjoon was sick of him sitting and working and never getting out into the real world. It had been a team effort between himself and Yoongi, pooling resources to buy him a ticket to a far away world with a travel plan to get him out of his rut and outside his door. To live again. Hoseok had hated it at first, uprooted from work and shoved on a plane (which he hated), to go fly across the world (which was terrifying), to a country he didn't understand (which was panich inducing).
Then, terrified of flying and certain he'd choke on the package of airplane peanuts, Hoseok had met Taehyung and forgotten everything in his smile.
When Hoseok goes back to Vienna for a second time, he's seated beside Taehyung again, hands laced together and the old anxiety gone to be mixed with an unease he desperately wishes he could forget. Beside him, Taehyung looks tired but smiles with that same beautiful brilliance Hoseok fell in love with all those years ago.
Giving his hand a soft squeeze, Hoseok leans closer, watching as Taehyung breathes deeply. "Are you sure you want to do this?" Hoseok asks, wondering again as his mind goes through the thousands of reasons they shouldn't be on this plane, the risks that it means taking for Taehyung as his hours slowly tick away.
Opening his eyes, Taehyung turns to Hoseok with eyes dimmer than when they first met, but the warmth and light of love in them is still there, still shining just for him. "Of course I want to do this," Taehyung tells him. "This is us, remember? This is our trip. This is history. We have to make sure to do everything."
"Even the fish pond?" Hoseok teases, smiling as Taehyung laughs, weak but crinkling his eyes into happiness.
"Especially the fish pond," Taehyung tells him, smile wide and beautiful as Hoseok's heart beats to bleed in his chest. Taehyung's eyes soften, and his fingers squeeze gently around Hoseok's hand, holding him together as he's done for years. Ever since he stepped into Hoseok's life and showed him what sunshine felt like inside his heart. "I love you."
Closing his eyes, Hoseok smiles and squeezes back, knowing that this is the last time they'll do this, that this is the last memories they'll make together. Knowing that they have to count, that they'll keep Taehyung alive in his heart even after he's gone. "I love you, too," he answers and breathes in the feeling of Taehyung with him.
As the plane takes off into the air, Hoseok leaves on the ground his apprehension, his worries, his fears, and the reality that this is the last time. All he takes with him is Taehyung and the excitement of this trip, the greatest trip of their lives.
The hand on his back hasn't left since they'd stepped into the room. It's been days upon days of saying goodbye, of lying beside a sun that will never rise again, days of pretending that goodbye may never come.
"We're here," murmurs gently beside Hoseok, tone warm and gentle, kind and patient and Hoseok nods, eyes closing as he listens to the beat of his heart. Stable, real, tapping the rhythms of life within him in a constant cadence of him continuing on. "We're here for you."
It's times like this, when Hoseok can feel the ache so strong in his throat as he holds back tears that he's already cried, dried up long ago from long nights of silence, that he's thankful for his friends. Namjoon's hand is warm and comforting against his back, Yoongi's shoulder against his own keeping him up as Seokjin watches him with a patient and careful tilt to his lips.
"I know," Hoseok says, looking at the figure on the bed.
It's been a long time since the person lying there opened his eyes and looked at Hoseok. It's been a long time since Hoseok told him he loved him and Taehyung smiled back, weak and faded but clinging to the last threads of consciousness. I'll always love you, had whispered quietly from him as his hand tightened faintly around Hoseok's. With a smile that pulled Hoseok's world together, Taehyung had looked at him one more time and promised, I'll always be with you, before his eyes had closed for the last time.
Once, back before everything had become too real and their youth had stumbled into the wall of how they didn't live forever, Taehyung had told Hoseok he never wanted to die unless it was exciting. Life was meant to be lived, and what was the point if he didn't go out with a bang? It feels unfair, after all of the whirlwind of life that Taehyung had been, that something had crept up and taken him before he could live to the fullest, instead lost to a hospital bed as friends and family and all but Hoseok were left to say goodbye one last time.
It's been days since Hoseok heard Taehyung's voice, since the brilliance of Taehyung had left the person on the bed, leaving simply a shell waiting to be let go, hanging on for the final release.
"Whenever you're ready," Seokjin tells Hoseok gently as he stands by the life support machines near the bed.
Taehyung could be sleeping if only Hoseok didn't know he would never wake. His hair is soft under his touch, brushing back from his forehead like Hoseok has done so many times, and it pulls a smile from Hoseok as he looks down at him. The man that had fallen into his life unexpectedly and never left, that Hoseok had fallen in love with without meaning to, that had brought him out of being too nervous for adventure before Taehyung had taken his hand and pulled him into a world of color illuminated by the sunshine that radiated from within him.
It's been so long since Taehyung has smiled, but Hoseok finds himself smiling now, looking down at the man he loves, will always love, who taught him how to smile with the sun. Fingers trembling, he leans down, brushing his lips to Taehyung's forehead as he tells him one last time, "thank you."
It's not I love you, but they've told each other those words enough that it is part of them. Instead, it's all that's left unsaid.
The soft sounds from the machine fade before Seokjin has touched them, and Hoseok knows as his eyes close, fingers pressing into white linen, that Taehyung had waited until he was ready to let him go.
"When did you know?" Hoseok asks, looking up at the stars as they lie together, lives changed and twined forever now, hearts beating for each other in a rhythm that will never end.
"What?"
The smile that Taehyung is wearing is visible in the night, teasing in the starlight that catches on his eyelashes. "That you didn't want to let go," Hoseok clarifies.
There's a long moment where Taehyung is silent, looking up at him in rare quiet. "Do you remember," he begins. "When we first met?"
"On the plane."
"When you held onto my hand and nearly broke all my fingers," Taehyung continues, wetting his lips as his eyes flicker over Hoseok, as if not sure to continue. Every answer is different, but this time, Hoseok believes him, and there isn't a tease in his voice, only truth.
"I didn't almost break all your fingers," Hoseok reminds him.
"If you had, then I wouldn't have been able to hold your hand. Then we'd never have nearly gotten arrested and I wouldn't have fallen asleep on you in a park," Taehyung laughs. "But you did, and between you inhaling into a paper bag and me exploding a bag of peanuts down your shirt, I just figured I could spend the rest of my life with you."
"Well," Hoseok smiles, watching as a mirroring smile blooms over Taehyung's face, lighting him up with that radiance that pours out of him and into Hoseok and the world around him. "Now you can."
The photographs lining the shelves are all of smiles, happy memories of wonderful times and moments that are preserved in an world that will never change. Looking between the faces, it's impossible to see the fights, the tears, the awkward tense silences and the long days, but the happiness, the love and the strength are there.
Fingers brushing over a smile that Hoseok will never forget, he ghosts his own, pulling it back and hoping that one day, it'll be strong again. "Thank you," Hoseok says, looking at the picture of himself and Taehyung from a year ago, fingers brushing just by Taehyung's brilliance that Hoseok can still feel the shadows of in his chest. "For spending your life with me."
And even in the silence that had been so rare, the laughter, love, life and light is still there, remembered in photographs and memories that will never die even as the rest of the world continues on.
no subject
no subject
no subject
wait for me! lol ♡
Edit: finally read it and it was gorgeous! I left my comment on ao3 ^^