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writetomyheart2015-10-08 08:07 pm
kira-shadow.livejournal.com) wrote in writetomyheart2015-10-08 08:07 pm
[Team SONIC] Trauma
I am not quite happy at how this turned out but the idea wanted out. I've tried to push it back and forth for a few days but I guess I've hit a dead end. Sigh.
I know vampires are an old hat. And I also know I was supposed to write a different Miyadate and Watanabe vampire thing but my muse wouldn't cooperate. As usual. Sigh. Maybe I can also blame all the paperwork that's piling up over here. Sob.
Starting words from here.
“Everything’s going to be just fine. It’s okay, Shota. Everything is alright. Nothing bad happened.”
Watanabe would hear his mother’s soothing voice in his head like a mantra. He would remember those words, every single time. Just as he remembered the events every single time. The events he connected with ‘hunger’ or being hungry.
Strictly speaking it shouldn’t affect him when he was eating ‘normal’ food, something he only did to keep up the pretense anyway but it did. Every time he looked at food, he would remember.
Remember Miyadate’s pale, almost deathly pale face against his bedsheets. Remember the other’s ragged breathing. Remember the droplets of blood on his sheets.
Back then, even if only for a brief moment, he had thought of Miyadate as ‘food’ and not as another person. And maybe it was that thought that sickened him and made him feel disgusting. Disgusted at himself. The other wasn’t ‘food’ and he would never ever be.
His mother had erased Miyadate’s memories of the incident but Watanabe had never forgotten it. He just couldn’t. At least it wouldn’t pop up in his mind every time he was with the other. It only ever came back to haunt him when he was hungry or eating or just looking at food.
The memory made him want to throw up but he’d learned to fight that feeling over the years and had managed to force himself to eat maybe semi-normally. At least enough so that people didn’t think that he was starting or anything. Well, most people. Some people.
“Shota. You haven’t touched like half of your food again.” Miyadate’s not so pale and very much alive face appeared in his vision. “Come on. Just a little more?”
Looking at the other, Watanabe was about to make a face at Miyadate, like he usually did but suddenly something came over him and all of his senses screamed in alarm. His eyes flew over to the clock on the wall. How long had they been out? How much time had passed?
Too long.
How had he forgotten? His mother had warned him not to forget and yet. They had been so busy with work and so many other things had been on Watanabe’s mind that it had escaped him completely. Especially because he always pushed that feeling aside. The feeling of hunger. He usually remembered to feed before things got out of hand.
Like they did right now.
“Ryota, I have to go!” He got up abruptly. “Sorry. It’s not the food or anything but I just remembered that I forgot to do something very important.” It wasn’t a lie. Watanabe couldn’t lie to the other, Miyadate knew him too well and would know immediately.
“Shota!” Miyadate grabbed the other’s hand. “You can. You know. Here. Me.”
Watanabe whirled around and stared at the other. “What?” He tried to keep his eyes from wandering, wandering down to the crook of Miyadate’s neck where he could see and almost feel the other’s blood rushing through his veins. No! He couldn’t. He couldn’t!
“Feed on me.” Miyadate said then and even went as far as to pull his shirt down further. “It’s okay.” There was a tiny little scar there, probably invisible to human eyes but to Watanabe it was huge, huge and ugly. And it was his fault.
“Wait. How do you know?” Watanabe suddenly noticed how calm the other was being about things and also, how much the other seemed to know. About him. About the real him.
Miyadate sighed. “I figured nobody ever told you that I never forgot.”
“What? But-” Watanabe stared at the other in disbelief.
“I never forgot. I told your mother I didn’t want to forget. That I didn’t have to.” Miyadate pulled the other closer. “That I didn’t care about it. You’re still you. You’re still Shota. And trust me, there’s nobody else around I’d agree to do this with. Only you.”
“I almost killed you!” Watanabe grabbed a hold of the other’s shirt. “You could have-”
“But I didn’t. And you’re more experienced now, aren’t you?” Miyadate tilted Watanabe’s head up. “You can control it. I know you can. I trust you.” He leaned in to kiss Watanabe gently, encouragingly. When he pulled away again, Watanabe’s fangs had descended onto his lips.
Tilting his head over, Miyadate hummed softly. “Come on.”
The feeling of hunger had become too strong so Watanabe didn’t hesitate and took what the other was offering him. He sunk his fangs into Miyadate’s neck and drank.
After a brief moment in which his mind went somewhat pleasantly blank, he regained control over himself and almost pulled away entirely too quickly. He caught himself in time though and let go of Miyadate slowy, lapping up the last stray droplets of bloods that escaped the puncture wounds before they closed up again.
“What did I do...what did you make me do?” Watanabe looked at Miyadate accusingly, who blinked a little bit, fighting a dizzy spell maybe.
“See? I’m still alive.” Miyadate ignored the question and kissed Watanabe again, tasting his own blood on the other’s lips and tongue. “That wasn’t so bad, was it?”
Watanabe slapped the other’s shoulder. “I can’t believe you just made me do that.” Then he leaned his head against Miyadate’s shoulder. “I can’t believe you knew all along. And are still here. AND let me do that just now.”
“That’s because I love you, stupid.” Miyadate murmured and reached up to run his fingers through Watanabe’s hair gently. “Love makes you do weird things.”
“No kidding.” Watanabe laughed softly. Then his expression turned serious again. “You’re really not freaked out or anything? I mean, I’m not normal.”
“Have you looked at the rest of our unit? None of us are normal.” Miyadate pointed out. “And just because you have fangs it doesn’t mean I need to be afraid of you. And you take in as little blood as you take in food. So that’s also nothing to get used to.” He teased.
Watanabe stuck out his tongue. “I wouldn’t even need to take in food you know.” Then he shuffled his feet. “As for the blood thing, mum says it’s because the genes that cause this uh, let’s call it anomaly in certain members of our family, have started to mutate out of the family line? I guess you could say the blood is getting thinner.” He started.
After short pause, he continued, “We’re aging normally mostly, we just tend to grow older than a lot of other people but then death comes naturally as well. And we can walk in the sunlight. Basically the only thing that distinguishes me from a normal human being is that I can live off blood and I can grow a pair of fangs and well, before I bite people I can make them zone out for a moment, so they don’t remember or never know what hit them.”
He looked up at Miyadate. “I can’t do fancy mind tricks like mum, though - like altering people’s memories like she was supposed to do with you - so there’s another thing that probably got lost from one generation to the next.”
“So, again why should I be afraid of you or anything?” Miyadate asked.
Shoving at the other gently, Watanabe went to sit down again. “You suck!” He said it with a smile on his face though.
“You sure it’s me doing that?” The remark earned him another playful shove.
Miyadate wrapped his arms around Watanabe from behind. “You kept worrying about this all the time, didn’t you? Because you care for me.”
“‘course I care for you. Too.” Watanabe placed his hand over Miyadate’s.
“And that’s also totally why we both agreed on that clause of not kissing, licking or biting any area above the beltline. Especially not the neck?” Miyadate mused.
Watanabe made a face. “Well. You know that has more than one reason. It just conveniently worked for me, that’s all.”
“A-ha.” Miyadate grinned. “But ears are an exception?”
“What are you playing at?” Watanabe asked.
Humming softly, Miyadate leaned down to blow a soft kiss onto Watanabe’s neck, making the other jump slightly. “I figured you’d be sensitive there.”
“Ryota!” Watanabe shivered. “Ugh, no fair!”
“Oh, you’re welcome to return the favour.” Miyadate chuckled. “We still need to work on getting rid of that trauma of yours.”
Reminded of his thoughts from earlier again, Watanabe fell silent and looked down. “I can’t. It’s. No. Nothing’s changed.” He closed his eyes. “I refuse to think of you like that!”
“Like what?” Miyadate asked.
“Food.” Watanabe replied. “You’re not food.”
Nuzzling Watanabe’s neck, Miyadate murmured, “How about you think of me as ‘someone you cannot live without’? Because that sounds good to me.” He smiled. “Someone irresistible. I think you are pretty irresistible a lot of the time and I wish I could just eat you up but hey, impossible. Unless I was a mentally sick bastard but that’s a different matter.”
“Ew,” Watanabe laughed softly. “I’d taste terrible.”
“Well not all of you tastes terrible?” Miyadate offered.
“Ryota!” Watanabe opened his eyes again and turned his head slightly to look at the other. Then he smiled. “I see what you’re trying to do.”
“Do you now? Is it working?” Miyadate asked with a raised eyebrow.
“Maybe. A little bit.” Watanabe turned around a bit more in the other’s arms and lifted his hand to touch the other’s cheek. He stole another quick kiss from Miyadate’s lips. “But you know, this might have some unwanted side-effects. Say you manage to re-programm my brain to have positive thoughts when I think about all of this food business. What if thinking and looking of food makes me really horny from now on?”
Miyadate smirked. “Well, then I will do the same thing as I always do and have always done.”
“And that is?” Watanabe asked.
“Take care of you.” Miyadate prompted.
Watanabe looked into the other’s eyes. “Well, I guess I can’t say I’d mind that. So I guess we have a deal.” He grinned.
“Awesome. Now, I know my chicken rice isn’t sexy or anything but will you finish it? Otherwise I guess I’ll have to do that before we can get to dessert.” He blew into Watanabe’s ear softly when he straightened up. “But I promise dessert will most certainly be sexy and it would be very helpful indeed if you would get horny for that.” He laughed and avoided Watanabe’s haphazard kick by stepping away from the other’s chair.
I know vampires are an old hat. And I also know I was supposed to write a different Miyadate and Watanabe vampire thing but my muse wouldn't cooperate. As usual. Sigh. Maybe I can also blame all the paperwork that's piling up over here. Sob.
Starting words from here.
“Everything’s going to be just fine. It’s okay, Shota. Everything is alright. Nothing bad happened.”
Watanabe would hear his mother’s soothing voice in his head like a mantra. He would remember those words, every single time. Just as he remembered the events every single time. The events he connected with ‘hunger’ or being hungry.
Strictly speaking it shouldn’t affect him when he was eating ‘normal’ food, something he only did to keep up the pretense anyway but it did. Every time he looked at food, he would remember.
Remember Miyadate’s pale, almost deathly pale face against his bedsheets. Remember the other’s ragged breathing. Remember the droplets of blood on his sheets.
Back then, even if only for a brief moment, he had thought of Miyadate as ‘food’ and not as another person. And maybe it was that thought that sickened him and made him feel disgusting. Disgusted at himself. The other wasn’t ‘food’ and he would never ever be.
His mother had erased Miyadate’s memories of the incident but Watanabe had never forgotten it. He just couldn’t. At least it wouldn’t pop up in his mind every time he was with the other. It only ever came back to haunt him when he was hungry or eating or just looking at food.
The memory made him want to throw up but he’d learned to fight that feeling over the years and had managed to force himself to eat maybe semi-normally. At least enough so that people didn’t think that he was starting or anything. Well, most people. Some people.
“Shota. You haven’t touched like half of your food again.” Miyadate’s not so pale and very much alive face appeared in his vision. “Come on. Just a little more?”
Looking at the other, Watanabe was about to make a face at Miyadate, like he usually did but suddenly something came over him and all of his senses screamed in alarm. His eyes flew over to the clock on the wall. How long had they been out? How much time had passed?
Too long.
How had he forgotten? His mother had warned him not to forget and yet. They had been so busy with work and so many other things had been on Watanabe’s mind that it had escaped him completely. Especially because he always pushed that feeling aside. The feeling of hunger. He usually remembered to feed before things got out of hand.
Like they did right now.
“Ryota, I have to go!” He got up abruptly. “Sorry. It’s not the food or anything but I just remembered that I forgot to do something very important.” It wasn’t a lie. Watanabe couldn’t lie to the other, Miyadate knew him too well and would know immediately.
“Shota!” Miyadate grabbed the other’s hand. “You can. You know. Here. Me.”
Watanabe whirled around and stared at the other. “What?” He tried to keep his eyes from wandering, wandering down to the crook of Miyadate’s neck where he could see and almost feel the other’s blood rushing through his veins. No! He couldn’t. He couldn’t!
“Feed on me.” Miyadate said then and even went as far as to pull his shirt down further. “It’s okay.” There was a tiny little scar there, probably invisible to human eyes but to Watanabe it was huge, huge and ugly. And it was his fault.
“Wait. How do you know?” Watanabe suddenly noticed how calm the other was being about things and also, how much the other seemed to know. About him. About the real him.
Miyadate sighed. “I figured nobody ever told you that I never forgot.”
“What? But-” Watanabe stared at the other in disbelief.
“I never forgot. I told your mother I didn’t want to forget. That I didn’t have to.” Miyadate pulled the other closer. “That I didn’t care about it. You’re still you. You’re still Shota. And trust me, there’s nobody else around I’d agree to do this with. Only you.”
“I almost killed you!” Watanabe grabbed a hold of the other’s shirt. “You could have-”
“But I didn’t. And you’re more experienced now, aren’t you?” Miyadate tilted Watanabe’s head up. “You can control it. I know you can. I trust you.” He leaned in to kiss Watanabe gently, encouragingly. When he pulled away again, Watanabe’s fangs had descended onto his lips.
Tilting his head over, Miyadate hummed softly. “Come on.”
The feeling of hunger had become too strong so Watanabe didn’t hesitate and took what the other was offering him. He sunk his fangs into Miyadate’s neck and drank.
After a brief moment in which his mind went somewhat pleasantly blank, he regained control over himself and almost pulled away entirely too quickly. He caught himself in time though and let go of Miyadate slowy, lapping up the last stray droplets of bloods that escaped the puncture wounds before they closed up again.
“What did I do...what did you make me do?” Watanabe looked at Miyadate accusingly, who blinked a little bit, fighting a dizzy spell maybe.
“See? I’m still alive.” Miyadate ignored the question and kissed Watanabe again, tasting his own blood on the other’s lips and tongue. “That wasn’t so bad, was it?”
Watanabe slapped the other’s shoulder. “I can’t believe you just made me do that.” Then he leaned his head against Miyadate’s shoulder. “I can’t believe you knew all along. And are still here. AND let me do that just now.”
“That’s because I love you, stupid.” Miyadate murmured and reached up to run his fingers through Watanabe’s hair gently. “Love makes you do weird things.”
“No kidding.” Watanabe laughed softly. Then his expression turned serious again. “You’re really not freaked out or anything? I mean, I’m not normal.”
“Have you looked at the rest of our unit? None of us are normal.” Miyadate pointed out. “And just because you have fangs it doesn’t mean I need to be afraid of you. And you take in as little blood as you take in food. So that’s also nothing to get used to.” He teased.
Watanabe stuck out his tongue. “I wouldn’t even need to take in food you know.” Then he shuffled his feet. “As for the blood thing, mum says it’s because the genes that cause this uh, let’s call it anomaly in certain members of our family, have started to mutate out of the family line? I guess you could say the blood is getting thinner.” He started.
After short pause, he continued, “We’re aging normally mostly, we just tend to grow older than a lot of other people but then death comes naturally as well. And we can walk in the sunlight. Basically the only thing that distinguishes me from a normal human being is that I can live off blood and I can grow a pair of fangs and well, before I bite people I can make them zone out for a moment, so they don’t remember or never know what hit them.”
He looked up at Miyadate. “I can’t do fancy mind tricks like mum, though - like altering people’s memories like she was supposed to do with you - so there’s another thing that probably got lost from one generation to the next.”
“So, again why should I be afraid of you or anything?” Miyadate asked.
Shoving at the other gently, Watanabe went to sit down again. “You suck!” He said it with a smile on his face though.
“You sure it’s me doing that?” The remark earned him another playful shove.
Miyadate wrapped his arms around Watanabe from behind. “You kept worrying about this all the time, didn’t you? Because you care for me.”
“‘course I care for you. Too.” Watanabe placed his hand over Miyadate’s.
“And that’s also totally why we both agreed on that clause of not kissing, licking or biting any area above the beltline. Especially not the neck?” Miyadate mused.
Watanabe made a face. “Well. You know that has more than one reason. It just conveniently worked for me, that’s all.”
“A-ha.” Miyadate grinned. “But ears are an exception?”
“What are you playing at?” Watanabe asked.
Humming softly, Miyadate leaned down to blow a soft kiss onto Watanabe’s neck, making the other jump slightly. “I figured you’d be sensitive there.”
“Ryota!” Watanabe shivered. “Ugh, no fair!”
“Oh, you’re welcome to return the favour.” Miyadate chuckled. “We still need to work on getting rid of that trauma of yours.”
Reminded of his thoughts from earlier again, Watanabe fell silent and looked down. “I can’t. It’s. No. Nothing’s changed.” He closed his eyes. “I refuse to think of you like that!”
“Like what?” Miyadate asked.
“Food.” Watanabe replied. “You’re not food.”
Nuzzling Watanabe’s neck, Miyadate murmured, “How about you think of me as ‘someone you cannot live without’? Because that sounds good to me.” He smiled. “Someone irresistible. I think you are pretty irresistible a lot of the time and I wish I could just eat you up but hey, impossible. Unless I was a mentally sick bastard but that’s a different matter.”
“Ew,” Watanabe laughed softly. “I’d taste terrible.”
“Well not all of you tastes terrible?” Miyadate offered.
“Ryota!” Watanabe opened his eyes again and turned his head slightly to look at the other. Then he smiled. “I see what you’re trying to do.”
“Do you now? Is it working?” Miyadate asked with a raised eyebrow.
“Maybe. A little bit.” Watanabe turned around a bit more in the other’s arms and lifted his hand to touch the other’s cheek. He stole another quick kiss from Miyadate’s lips. “But you know, this might have some unwanted side-effects. Say you manage to re-programm my brain to have positive thoughts when I think about all of this food business. What if thinking and looking of food makes me really horny from now on?”
Miyadate smirked. “Well, then I will do the same thing as I always do and have always done.”
“And that is?” Watanabe asked.
“Take care of you.” Miyadate prompted.
Watanabe looked into the other’s eyes. “Well, I guess I can’t say I’d mind that. So I guess we have a deal.” He grinned.
“Awesome. Now, I know my chicken rice isn’t sexy or anything but will you finish it? Otherwise I guess I’ll have to do that before we can get to dessert.” He blew into Watanabe’s ear softly when he straightened up. “But I promise dessert will most certainly be sexy and it would be very helpful indeed if you would get horny for that.” He laughed and avoided Watanabe’s haphazard kick by stepping away from the other’s chair.
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