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writetomyheart2015-10-13 01:42 am
singilu.livejournal.com) wrote in writetomyheart2015-10-13 01:42 am
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[Team four] Care
Junmyeon talked about Sehun being lonely the other day and ... somehow I gave him two people so he wouldn't be? What's better than starting off new round with poly Sebaekyeol. Hello new team mates?
"You think that it's taking care? You think Baekhyun and Chanyeol are just taking care of you?" Junmyeon looks so scandalized, despite the milk mustache from his cappuccino. Sehun suddenly feels very uncomfortable in the Italian coffee shop where they're sitting, all sleek and smelling of great coffee and so open, not suited for conversation this personal.
"They aren't?" he asks, grabbing and letting go of his spoon. He just ordered some fruit fusion tea. He doesn't drink coffee, and there's no tapioca to buy here. Junmyeon is lucky he's such a good hyung. At least normally he is.
"Well," Junmyeon halts, scratching the top of his nose in confusion, like he's not sure whether to keep talking or stay quiet. "I mean yes, they do take care of you as well, but Sehun. You are together all the time, and you have sex with them. I mean, I thought you were just afraid of telling me you're dating because you thought I'd judge you or something. I know some people would, but I would never, and so I figured I'd ask." He looks so small and frazzled. Just like when they were still dorm roommates and Junmyeon was studying for one of his finals in his last year. Silly, careless, freshman Sehun would hug him then and pet his hair. Sehun now finds his hands too unsteady for that.
"You know we have sex?" It's out of his mouth before he can try and deny it. He can't really lie to Junmyeon anyway. Junmyeon just stares. "You mean Chanyeol told you? Or Baekhyun? I ... it's nothing." It's been a bit surprising, sex and the kissing, but essentially it felt ... right, and normal, and Sehun decided to just take it in stride.
"Sehun," Junmyeon starts and stops again, finishing his cappuccino. "I ... maybe I shouldn't be meddling, but I thought. I thought you knew. I ... you should really talk about it with them."
Sehun just shakes his head. It's nothing. It's...okay it's something, but Chanyeol and Baekhyun are lovers, and Sehun's just there waiting for them to realize they're forever or maybe they're waiting for Sehun to move on, and, "It's nothing," he says. He feels his stomach flip. Fruit fusions aren't his things either, after all.
Junmyeon doesn't seem to feel any qualms about getting up and hugging Sehun, awkwardly, ruffling his hair as he lets go. "It's not nothing if you look like a kicked puppy while saying it," he whispers.
Sehun lets him pay for both of them, but trudges back to his dorm by foot. It's still cold outside, wet and slippery. He has finals soon, and then he's going to be out of college and trying his luck as a dance teacher, and he'll have to move and figure things out, try to become an adult a little more once again. He doesn't think dating two other men is a part of all that.
Jongin is out somewhere still, when Sehun gets back, cold and none the wiser despite the long walk. Maybe this only works for Chanyeol. But now that Sehun thinks about it, it was probably Jongin that told Junmyeon what was going on, or what he probably guessed was going on once Sehun started spending so many nights over at Chanyeol's place.
"Chanyeol and Baekhyun's place," Jongin would correct and almost leer. Jongin, the friend thief, who took an instant liking to Junmyeon when Sehun introduced them, and Sehun knew they've been texting and talking without him, but this is almost a betrayal. No matter how much Jongin needs a rich benefactor until he makes it big with his dance--his words, not Sehun’s. Which is also a lie, anyway, because Jongin’s already working with the best modern dance troupe in Seoul and doing fine.
So now, traitor Jongin is out, probably on a date, and Sehun is left feeling cold and haggard and just a bit lonely. He almost forgot how that is, and before the feeling sinks, his phone chimes and he finds a new message from Chanyeol, in the chatroom they've been keeping together with Baekhyun for a while now.
Had a good time with Junmyeon-hyung?
Sometimes we should all go out, catch up, eat good food, appears almost instantly, next to Baekhyun's icon, a cute scrunched-up face. Sehun is already feeling warmer.
You just want free food, Chanyeol shoots next.
Well...
But hyung is also cute when he's annoyed. I like being annoying with him. I bet with Sehun, we could take it up a notch if he cooperates.
Sehun can just imagine it, those two sitting together on their couch, legs tangled, a movie they're not really watching on, having a go at each other in the chatroom while they grin and make faces at each other, all for Sehun's benefit and amusement.
I like Junmyeon-hyung, I'm not sharing him with you two, too, Sehun ends up typing.
O.o Baekhyun's probably making that face in real life too.
I thought we share //everything// together ;D
Is something wrong, Sehunnie? Chanyeol types then.
Sehun sighs, curling up in his bed, still in his jeans and sweater. He thinks it'd be so much better if he was there with Chanyeol and Baekhyun, right in the middle of their couch. Chanyeol would probably rub his back soothingly, while Sehun would rant about Jongin, the stealing pretend-friend. Baekhyun would drop his head into Sehun's lap, demanding to be played with, but in the end, Sehun would feel safe and soothed and just right.
I prefer it when Chanyeol makes us three dinners at home anyway, he types.
There's a flurry of stickers and bickering then, and Sehun watches, his head swimming with so many questions that he figures maybe Jongin can have Junmyeon after all, he's not too kind of a friend anyway either, messing Sehun's head up, giving him ideas, asking about how dating Chanyeol and Baekhyun is, insisting on seeing things that are not.
Sehun knows how it all started. He came back from the army, to Tao announcing he's going home to China and to the stress of finding a new roommate for his last year of college, to finding himself without a boyfriend and terribly alone. Junmyeon had been working even before Sehun had gone to do his mandatory service, but now he also has a fiancé to spend time with. Lu Han had gone back home, too, finally caving to his parents' requests, and Yixing was working in a small dance studio and going on tours with various artists. Jongdae, Baekhyun and Chanyeol had all graduated and started working.
Sehun, used to spending his nights roaming Seoul with Tao, looking for good food and dark corners to make out in, was faced with lonely evenings in practice rooms and only occasional coffee dates with Junmyeon and silly messages from Chanyeol. Jongin was a nice new friend, but he had his own world, a girlfriend, and a strange infatuation with Kyungsoo with whom he always spent his free time. Every part of the campus felt like an unpleasant reminder of Tao's smiles, foolish ideas, and high-pitched laughter, and late night skype calls left Sehun feeling more empty and sad than happy. He thought he'd come back and just slip into his routine from two years ago, seamlessly, but instead Sehun felt lost.
He'd written as much to Chanyeol one night, after a skype call that ended too fast and left his eyes stinging, and an hour later, Chanyeol was there, looking windswept, ears sticking out, hair a mess, but feeling warm as he hugged Sehun and told him that he's going to be fine. Sehun didn't expect Baekhyun to peek around and pat Sehun on his back too, but he was there, as he always was these days.
With Chanyeol it was always easy, he and Sehun were childhood friends. And even if at some point Chanyeol found Baekhyun and started to live in his much smaller pockets, and Sehun and Tao became stuck to each other with glue of attraction and love, at least on Sehun's part, Sehun and Chanyeol kept in touch. Sehun liked Chanyeol the best, maybe a bit more than was healthy, but Chanyeol had always been smiling, always helpful, always ready to please and take care of people, and Sehun couldn't help it, the way it pulled him in. So even after a few years of oscillating on a more loose orbit, it was easy for Sehun to let Chanyeol drag him in, let him talk him into lives in small bars, or strange artsy movies, and weekend video game sessions.
"Let me take care of you for a bit," Chanyeol said, the night when Sehun told Tao he wasn't going to call or pick up anymore because it was just hurtful and made him hollow for too long after. Sehun was curled up on Chanyeol's sofa, in Chanyeol's and Baekhyun's apartment, where he'd walked in without thinking of it much, forgetting that Chanyeol didn't live alone, that he had someone to spend every evening with and that Sehun might be intruding.
"The both of us," Baekhyun added.
And that's what it was, for a long time, only difference from when they were younger -- Baekhyun. Where before there had been only Chanyeol, the childhood friend who was too good to everyone including Sehun, there were now Chanyeol and Baekhyun, the two of them showering Sehun with attention. It was just taking care of Sehun and Sehun slowly healed, put himself back together or was put back together, basking in the warmth of the two as they always found time for him, together or individually, between their work and everyday life. And Sehun never felt unwanted in their apartment, or when they walked outside to eat or just to play. He never stopped to consider if maybe this wouldn't have been better if they were alone, on a date.
Chanyeol and Baekhyun, they became something Sehun looked forward to after a long day of classes and practice. They became someone Sehun always wanted to share his joys and success with first, and they always seemed to know when something was wrong.
There's the chatroom, and their bi-weekly dinners, and movie nights and concert outings in between, and Sehun is happy, content like this. He feels the most whole with them. And sometimes he forgets that this is just temporary.
But he knows. Chanyeol has said he'd take care for him for a bit, and if Sehun never wants it to stop, he doesn't let it show, he tries not to forget there's an expiration date on all of this.
It's then that he feels jealous. Jealous of Baekhyun because he has Chanyeol, with no clock ticking above his head, and he has him always. He doesn't have to doubt if it's too much when he runs a hand through Chanyeol's hair or pulls at his ear, when he hides his nose in the crook of Chanyeol's neck and holds on too long. But then Chanyeol has that too, and Sehun's just as envious of him, being able to call Baekhyun cute as many times as he wants, and not care how it sounds, not worrying about feeling like he's stealing something that isn't his when he hugs Baekhyun tightly, as the other wiggles playfully, when he swats at his butt when Baekhyun flirts too much or when he kisses his droopy smiling eyes when Baekhyun sings too loud for evening air. Chanyeol and Baekhyun, they have each other and they aren't Sehun's for taking and he wouldn't want them separately anyway, he wants it all.
All in all, being taken care of, that wasn't surprise. The first kiss was. Even more so because it was Baekhyun who reached over on the couch when he caught Sehun watching their verbal ping-pong in fascination. He pecked Sehun lightly on the lips, and when Sehun froze but didn't pull back, he leaned in closer and his next kiss was firm, lips a little chapped and warm against Sehun's.
"Couldn't help it, you looked so cute pouting like that," Baekhyun said afterwards, and Sehun started to panic, internally, head sweeping to look at Chanyeol, to apologize, his stomach turning because Baekhyun had kissed him and Sehun would like nothing more than to feel it again, to kiss back, but Chanyeol--
Chanyeol scooted over, warm palm rubbing Sehun's stomach like he knew exactly how panicked Sehun felt, and he kissed Sehun's temple, nuzzling into his cheeks.
"Totally understandable," he murmured, and Sehun slumped into him, heavy and completely exhausted from just those few seconds, like he understood too. Baekhyun only laughed loudly, coming closer and squeezing Sehun from the other side, giving both him and Chanyeol a quick kiss and Sehun...didn't ask, just rolled with it, breathed in deeply and let the two of them cuddle him until he fell asleep, spending another night in their apartment. Only this time he woke up in Chanyeol and Baekhyun's big bed, smashed between the two, feeling too hot but also strangely tingling with happiness.
Sehun only realized that the kisses were there to stay, at least for now, after it happened half a dozen more times. Until one day he found himself pressed against the kitchen counter, being kissed by Chanyeol, deeply, Chanyeol's tongue warm and thick in his mouth, and his hands strong and sure on Sehun's hips. Baekhyun wasn’t even home yet when Chanyeol dropped his spoon, turned off the stove and pulled Sehun in just because Sehun told him he looked good in an apron, a total slip up on Sehun's part. And Sehun was a little anxious about this until there was another hand at the nape of his neck, and Baekhyun was there too, his chest pressing into Sehun's side and his breath warm on his neck.
"Oh, started without me, how adventurous," he breathed out, and then kissed Sehun's shoulder, and Chanyeol grinned and reached over to kiss him before returning to Sehun's mouth.
"Sehun's been complimenting me," he hummed against Sehun's mouth, and Baekhyun moved away laughing. "He's so much nicer to me than you."
"I see. Keep going then. I'm going to wash up and then maybe we could eat, if you can keep it in your pants for that long, Chanyeol," Baekhyun said, already halfway out of the kitchen.
It was Sehun who went all red, neck, cheeks and ears burning, while Chanyeol only hummed against his jaw.
"Depends on how slow you are," he shot after Baekhyun, and Sehun had goosebumps up his back. They ate later, and then Baekhyun settled on Sehun's lap and kissed him to his heart's content, and Sehun's too, while Chanyeol complained about having to wash dishes. Sehun figured that night, that it was okay, that Baekhyun and Chanyeol shared him just like everything else in their life, sharing that promise to take care for him, whatever it was Sehun needed.
After the kissing, sex...was just the next step in this hazy territory of sharing and maybe caring. It was Baekhyun slotting his knee between Sehun's thighs one evening while they were watching a movie, and Chanyeol only moving to sit up better behind Sehun to allow both of them settled between his legs as he watched them make out, at first only occasionally dropping kisses to Sehun's or Baekhyun's cheek or neck from his perch on the couch. Sehun always found this couch amazing, it was soft and wide, and long enough for Chanyeol's legs. Still it was a wonder how easily the three of them fit on it, Baekhyun eventually crouching down to take Sehun's cock into his mouth as Chanyeol guided him, with a hand in his hair. All the while Chanyeol nibbled on Sehun's neck and jaw from behind, holding him still with his other hand around his waist, Sehun's back pressed against Chanyeol's chest. Sehun was gone so fast like this, with the two of them focused on him, Baekhyun swallowing around the head of his cock, and moaning as Chanyeol pulled at his hair and told him how good he looked like that.
He didn't know what to do with himself afterwards, but it was easy to let Chanyeol take care of that, too, to be maneuvered until he was slumped against Chanyeol's hip, nose in the crook of Chanyeol's neck and his hand, along with Baekhyun’s, in Chanyeol's sweats, their fingers clasped on Chanyeol's cock, Baekhyun whining into Chanyeol's mouth and rubbing against his thigh, draped around Chanyeol like a grapevine. Sehun didn't even register who came first, content to mouth at Chanyeol's skin and follow the rhythm of their bodies.
Afterwards they all made it into the shower, and it wasn't at all awkward, the way they managed to wash each other and laugh through the clumsiness of three bodies in a shower made for one. Baekhyun slapped both Sehun's and Chanyeol's butts with a content hum before he slid out from under the spray of water and threw towels at them as they followed. It was another night Sehun spent in their apartment, already used to sleeping in bed with them, spooning Baekhyun this time, who claimed he felt cold and needed all the warmth he could get as he snuggled against Chanyeol's chest too.
No matter how Sehun looked at it, with Chanyeol and Baekhyun, it was always about being taken care of, and he likes it that sometimes it feels like he's the one doing the caring too.
But for Jongin and for Junmyeon, who must have heard an exaggerated version of how many nights Jongin has to turn the light off alone and fear for their electronics during winter storms all on his own, it may be more. And Sehun, he wants more, but he doesn't want that to get in the way of what he has, even if he's running on borrowed time. Maybe that's why he'd gone out with Junmyeon today instead of spending an evening with Chanyeol and Baekhyun who had offered, talked excitedly about a live of one of their common musician friends.
He knows Chanyeol's been trying to talk to him, with Baekhyun always looming somewhere close by, as if ready to intervene if Sehun didn't like where the conversation is going. And then Baekhyun tried to talk to him, hanging off his side and coming to visit him in his dorm, but Sehun dodged it all, because it’s been a year and three months since he came back from the army, and fourteen months since both Chanyeol and Baekhyun rushed to Sehun's dorm, and eleventh months and two weeks since they promised Sehun to take care of him for a bit. It’s been five months since they first kissed and four months and six days since they first had sex, and Sehun is running out of that bit of time. He doesn't want to talk about it, he wants them to just do it, cut him off because he can't do it himself, and Chanyeol and Baekhyun aren't his to have. He's grown up and he graduates in a month and dating two men isn't a part of the general adult life plan.
"Why are you here?" Jongin asks next Wednesday when he gets in, at eleven at night, sweaty from late night rehearsal, Sehun already in his bed.
"I live here," Sehun replies, pulling the blanket up to his chin and curling on his side, watching Jongin move around sluggishly and feeling all that more tired for it.
"No kidding." Jongin sheds his jacket and his t-shirt and starts looking for his sleep sweats and a towel. "But really, did you break up with Chanyeol and Baekhyun? Or one of them? I'm not sure how these things work with more than one person."
Sehun's stomach twists and he pulls at the blanket again.
"Despite what you've been saying to people, I'm not dating them. I mean either of them. They're together, the last I remember," he says.
Jongin turns around to stare. "Right. So why aren't you third wheeling them like usual? If that's what you want to call it."
Sehun turns around to show him his back. Jongin's looking at him too weirdly, like he doesn't know if he should be sorry for him or laugh at him or give him a mouthful.
"I've been busy. You know, with finals, and rehearsal, for the final showcase, the one you're the star of? And with apartment hunting, the thing you've been complaining about because Soojung doesn't want to move in with you."
Jongin snorts and walks around Sehun's bed, flops down on it, almost sitting on top of Sehun's thighs.
"If I didn't know better, I'd think you're jealous about the showcase thing. Lucky for you I know better, so I'll take it you're being a sarcastic little shit. As for the rest, being busy has never stopped you from spending time with your favorite hyungs. And what is this nonsense about apartment hunting?" He keeps poking Sehun wherever he sees a part of him under a blanket, and Sehun really just wants to push him off the bed, even if it's nice that Jongin is here, talking to him. Only it's not something he wants to talk about.
"Did you think I'd go back to living with my parents? Seriously, Jongin, even you don't want to do that."
"No, not your parents." Jongin rolls his eyes, but then stops talking. "What the hell is going on?"
"I'm tired, and you're sweaty and your nipples are shrinking from cold," Sehun announces. Jongin stops poking him, but grabs his neck, squeezing and making Sehun look up at him. Sehun bites his bottom lip and, just, hopes that Jongin goes to shower at last.
"You're an idiot and not cute at all, not matter what Chanyeol or Baekhyun tells you," Jongin says at last. "Really not cute." He squeezes Sehun's neck one last time, hand lingering on his shoulder as he pulls back, and then he's out of the room, and Sehun is left lying in bed, feeling cold and frustrated.
He hasn't seen either Chanyeol or Baekhyun for almost two weeks now. They both try, but he keeps finding excuses not to meet them. At first this lead to frantic messages in their chat about taking care of himself, and not pushing himself, then to separate messages from Chanyeol and Baekhyun about how he's being quiet and if he's okay, because the other worries, and he should tell them, so they can help.
Chanyeol's called five times, and Baekhyun twice as much, even if Sehun didn't answer half the time. After that, things quiet down. Sehun still finds a good morning and good night message in the chatroom every day though, and a flurry texts on occasion or two, when Chanyeol and Baekhyun use it as if it was just their own, arguing about what to buy for dinner and who will do the laundry that week.
"Sehunnie, do what you need to," Chanyeol had said the last time they spoke, "just don't forget we're here, any time. You can drop by or call or text. Just don't struggle alone. You don't have to."
"Okay," Sehun had breathed out. "Okay."
"You just have to ask," Chanyeol had said one more time, before he said goodbye, and Sehun sat in the empty cold studio, long after dark and thought about how badly that would go, asking Chanyeol, and Baekhyun, for what Sehun wanted.
"You need to not be here tonight," Jongin tells him that Friday morning with a serious face.
"What?" Sehun only has one dance tutorial on Friday, and he plans to spend the rest of it looking for places at least relatively close to his new dance studio. In the evening, he'll probably watch dance videos on youtube until he falls asleep or something.
"Soojung's been saying I'm spending more time with Kyungsoo than her, so tonight I have a romantic evening all planned." Jongin is pouting, so Sehun decides not to point out that Soojung is probably right.
"Here?" he asks instead, throwing his arms around to point the mess of clothes on the floor, the books and empty ramyun cups on the table, and the smelly sneakers in the corner.
"Yes. Well partly. I'll clean. I'll do your laundry for you too. Just you need to not be here tonight."
Sehun hasn't gotten exiled from his own room in a long time. He stares at Jongin who stares back, eyebrows furrowed, like he's sending mind waves at Sehun to agree.
"Fine," Sehun sighs, and grabs his backpack. "Just don't touch my bed."
Jongin jumps him, gives him a tight hug then throws him out of the room, like tonight is now and not in like ten hours. Sehun stands in the hallway of his dorm, suddenly feeling very lost. Yet again.
When he pulls out his phone to check the time and figure out where he's sleeping that night, he finds a message from Chanyeol.
How is your day, Sehunnie?
He doesn't reply. He goes to his tutorial and then goes through five condo viewings that leave him feeling useless. The apartments are either in awful condition or too expensive, and some of the landlords have been ... strange enough to give Sehun shivers up his back, and not the good kind. When the last one is over, it's almost eight, dark and raining, and he's standing in front of a high apartment building, realizing the hot shower and the bed that he's envisioning is not happening.
I'm lost, he types then, at last, in the chatroom he shares with Chanyeol and Baekhyun, and he doesn't really expect an answer, not so soon anyway, thinking the two of them are probably out somewhere, because it's Friday and there's bound to be good live music somewhere.
Still.
Can you get home or do you need me to pick you up?
The message appears almost immediately, along with Baekhyun's icon, and Sehun slides down the wall, shivering and feeling panic rise in him again.
Where are you? Baekhyun asks next. Sehunnie?
And Sehun. He misses them so much, both of them, and it's so hard to stay away. And just this one time, maybe it's okay. He's just going to shower and stay for a bit, then text Jongin that he's coming back. He types the address into the phone before he can talk himself out of it.
A taxi stops in front of him not even twenty minutes later, and Baekhyun must have been home. It's not that far away from here. Sehun had been thrilled when this particular studio gave him a job offer.
"You'll get sick like this, Sehunnie," Baekhyun says, as he pulls at Sehun's elbow, quickly getting them both out of the rain and into the taxi again.
"Forgot my umbrella," Sehun mutters.
Baekhyun doesn't even ask him where he wants to go. "We're going home and taking a hot shower right away." He holds Sehun's cold hands in his own the entire short journey, and all Sehun can think of is how this isn't his home, not really, but he can't bring himself to say that out loud.
"Chanyeol's still in the studio. Long session," Baekhyun says, when they're inside, and he's pushing Sehun towards the bathroom. He's already pulling Sehun's clothes off, the jacket and the sweater Sehun wore to impress possible future landlords, and then he tries to take Sehun's soggy jeans off too.
Sehun halts in the bathroom, and then stops Baekhyun's hands on his waist.
"I'll do it," he mutters. "I won't take long," he adds, and Baekhyun steps back. He looks at Sehun a bit strangely, but then he smiles and nods.
"Take as long as you need. Warm up well." He pulls a towel out of the towel cabinet before he leaves, the baby pink one that Sehun always uses when he's here, and it usually hangs right next to Chanyeol's blue one and Baekhyun's yellow. Sehun hasn't been here for a while though, and they must have washed it since.
While Sehun showers, Baekhyun opens the door once more, just a little, and drops sweat pants and a hoodie on the floor for Sehun to wear afterwards. They're Chanyeol's, smell like the fabric softener they use to wash all their clothes in, and Sehun's insides tremble as the scent settles around him, the fabric warm and the clothes soft, a bit loose and making him feel small because Chanyeol, bigger than Sehun, likes his clothes to swallow him up.
Baekhyun's not a good cook, but there's a kimchi soup on the table when Sehun walks into the kitchen and what looks like pasta leftovers too. He pushes Sehun to sit at the table and uses the towel around Sehun's shoulders to rub his hair furiously, making it static as it dries.
"You're so cute," he laughs, when Sehun tries to pat them down. "So pouty," he adds, poking Sehun's cheeks. "Ah, when I met Chanyeol, he always went on about you, how you're so warm and cute and endearing, and I was jealous. But then I met you, and he was totally right, only he forgot to mention you're handsome too. He always liked you so much, honestly. I'm so happy you shared him with me, Sehunnie," he says, and Sehun doesn't know how to breathe in that moment.
"I ... Chanyeol never was mine to share?" Sehun thinks Chanyeol isn't a candy, a chocolate bar, or a toy to share. Chanyeol is a person, who loves Baekhyun a lot, and if anything it's Baekhyun who's willing to share the time he should be spending with Chanyeol, who has been so hopelessly in love with Baekhyun since the moment they met, with Sehun.
"Well, true. Chanyeol is his own person. But still. I'm glad it all worked out. Both you and Chanyeol have these warm, huge hearts. Clearly that's why you're so broad, to fit it all in. I'm seriously so lucky."
"Hyung," Sehun starts, but then Baekhyun drops his hands from where they were resting on Sehun's shoulders and steps away.
"Sorry, I'm too sappy before dinner, but I missed you. We both missed you. Eat your food, then we can try if we can annoy Chanyeol into coming home. Who works this long on a Friday evening?"
Sehun doesn't know how he's supposed to eat even one mouthful, with how dry and tight his throat is and with how hard his heart is thumping in his chest. Baekhyun must notice him not eating though, so he picks up his own spoon and tries to feed him soup, claiming that "It's not that bad, I promise," and Sehun just lets him, focused on the way Baekhyun's eyes dance with mirth and happiness when Sehun doesn't protest and swallows obediently.
Baekhyun keeps chattering between the mouthfuls, and Sehun's mind's spinning, Jongin's and Junmyeon's words mashing with Baekhyun's own, all jumbled in a mess.
They're almost done eating when the front door opens, and Baekhyun jumps up. "Chanyeol, in the kitchen!"
Chanyeol walks in, still in his coat, and strides right to Sehun, pulling him up and into a bone crushing hug.
"You're okay?" he says, and Baekhyun sighs loudly.
"Chanyeol, maybe if you weren't so dramatic, you wouldn't have to worry we scared him off," he says.
Chanyeol only squeezes Sehun firmer. "I saw the message, and you've been ... I just haven't seen you in a while so I just." When Chanyeol still doesn't let go, it's Baekhyun who wiggles into the embrace too, one hand on Sehun's waist.
"Okay, okay, group hug. Now can we finish eating before we attempt any serious talking? I was doing so well before you barged in," he chides Chanyeol, but his other hand is pulling at Chanyeol's ear in what Sehun knows is actually a comforting gesture.
Chanyeol chuckles, right against Sehun's ear, and Sehun somehow breaks down, in that moment, shaking and slumping into the two men holding him close in the middle of their kitchen, while he feels his eyes stinging and fights the tears from spilling. He doesn't even know why he's about to cry. There's nothing to cry about, and yet. Baekhyun's the first one to notice though, and he sighs, and pushes at him and Chanyeol.
"Oh Chanyeol, look what you did. Forget diner, move, let's sit down."
It probably is funny, how they wobble into the living room because Chanyeol is still holding onto Sehun and Baekhyun's kicking at their feet to move. He giggles at it, and Sehun tries, he really does, so hard to get his own breathing under control. He doesn't want to worry them. Before he knows it, they're all collapsing onto the couch, and Baekhyun's prying Chanyeol off Sehun a bit. Sehun doesn't really want to let go, but he tells himself they can't go too far, not in their own home.
"Let him breathe," Baekhyun chides, and he is still smiling, even if it's not a bright smile, but one soft and clearly put on for the benefit of those around him. He may act cute or silly or completely crazy at times, but at times like these Sehun realizes how much he is a pillar to Chanyeol and Sehun both, this strong spirit in small body that never stills. Chanyeol looks like a kicked puppy now, scooting back to sit against the backrest, and he holds onto Sehun's ankle where Sehun's folded his legs underneath himself, thumb circling around the bone.
"I'm sorry. I got so used to all three of us being together that when you ... I just miss you, and I thought maybe I scared you because I was trying to talk to you about, about something. And Baekhyun did say it may be too soon, that you probably need more space, but I just. Then I saw your message tonight." Chanyeol takes a deep breath. Baekhyun's moved to squeeze between them, his legs in Chanyeol's lap and his head on Sehun's shoulders as he tsks at him.
"I texted you Sehun was fine. I can take care of things by myself for a bit too. I thought we established we're all grown-up, rather capable, human beings."
"Baekhyun's a mess," Chanyeol quickly jumps in. "I just didn't want him to poison you. He mentioned cooking, and I'd rather you not run away from us just because he gives you food poisoning. You might get the wrong impression."
Chanyeol's showing all his teeth too now; both he and Baekhyun are so good at this, smiling for other people's sake, Sehun's sake, so that he feels good and doesn't worry. He's learned to see when it happens, but it still has the effect. Baekhyun's hand is warm on his thigh, and Chanyeol's still awkwardly clutching to his ankle. And what they're saying sounds just like Junmyeon's and Jongin's assumptions, when they really shouldn't be like that too.
"If you don't stop saying all these things, I will get wrong impression, hyung. Both of you. Don't do it. Don't give me false hope."
He feels Baekhyun stiffen next to him, and Chanyeol jerks, his face twitching. He finally lets go of Sehun's ankle only to grab his wrist.
"What? I..." Chanyeol starts, but then closes his mouth, looking so confused. It almost looks like his ears are drooping instead of sticking out from between his hair cheerfully, the way Sehun, and Baekhyun too, loves it.
"Sehunnie?" It's Baekhyun who speaks again. "Are we taking it too fast for you? I know we haven't really talked about this much. If you feel uncomfortable..." Baekhyun's hand eases the pressure against Sehun's thigh, even if not moving away completely. Chanyeol's hand too, pulls away until only the tips of his fingers rest on the top of Sehun's palm.
Sehun's head is bursting because they're pulling away now. They think he wants them to?
"No, you don't get it. I feel too comfortable. And I know this isn't going to last, that I have to walk away, soon, that I can't make you take care of me forever. But when you talk like that...It confuses me. It makes me think maybe I wouldn't have to, but that hurts. It hurts more than when Tao left, and I can't..." He looks up, at Baekhyun and then at Chanyeol, and they're both so funnily in sync, heads tilted to one side, mouths slightly open. And then, just as in sync, Chanyeol's hand wraps back around Sehun's wrist and Baekhyun's hand grips his thigh almost painfully. Chanyeol glances at Baekhyun, bewildered, and Baekhyun lets out this high-pitched laugh, like he's relieved.
"Sehunnie, will you move in with us?" is what Chanyeol says, quick and jumbled. And...that's not what Sehun expected.
Baekhyun apparently didn't either, because he kicks at Chanyeol. "What the hell, Chanyeol, can't you prioritize a little?" And then Baekhyun's moving, and Sehun finds himself in between them again in a much tighter hug, with Baekhyun kneeling in front of him and Chanyeol draping himself over Sehun's back. It's so surreal, and, yeah, he really needs them to make some sense.
"Baekhyun? Chanyeol? I..."
"Sehunnie, we don't want you to ever leave or stop being with us, unless of course it's what you want, then we'd understand," Baekhyun says, cupping Sehun's cheeks.
"But, you two are ... so, so good together and in love, and I'm just. I can take care of myself now?" Sehun says.
"You could always take care of yourself," Chanyeol says firmly, and he digs his chin into Sehun's shoulder, and kisses his jaw where he can reach. "We just want to do it, too, Sehunnie. Yes we're in love, but with you, too, have been for a while. We just didn't want to freak you out, we wanted to just...give you time and space to figure it out, if maybe this could be something you want. And you're finishing school soon so I got ahead of myself. I wanted you to come live with us."
"We both do," Baekhyun interrupts. “We've been trying to bring it up as an option for you, but clearly we fail, and you started to pull back, so Chanyeol thought we scared you off, and I thought maybe this just isn't something you wanted in the long run." Baekhyun laughs now, and it's still too high-pitched to be absolutely carefree, but it's so relieved. He puts his forehead against Sehun's. "For how much we talk, we really suck at it, don't we?"
"So you mean, this is. You want this?" Sehun still can't believe it, his stomach is still twisted in knots, and he struggles to breathe even as he feels so warm, with Baekhyun and Chanyeol this close, Chanyeol nuzzling his neck and rubbing circles into his tummy, and Baekhyun playing with his hair and bumping their noses on purpose.
"Do you? I don't mean the moving in, Chanyeol's just getting ahead of himself there. But do you want to be with us?"
"I like you so much," Sehun blurts out. "Both of you, and I thought that's not something I could want."
Chanyeol makes this low distressed noise, and then Baekhyun's kissing him first, chased by Chanyeol, who's more sloppy and kind of wet about it. It's a mess, but it works, like it always does because even when Chanyeol reaches for Baekhyun too, Sehun can mouth at Baekhyun's jaw or nip at Chanyeol's ear and they hold him close. He feels...so right like this. Baekhyun peppers his face with kisses and Chanyeol blabbers about how Sehun in his own hoodie looks so great and he should wear his clothes always, both him and Baekhyun, and Baekhyun swats at him and lets Chanyeol kiss Sehun, too. It's so surreal, how they're laughing and talking all over each other and are so comfortable.
When they finally calm down a bit, Sehun’s lying on his side with his nose digging into Chanyeol's chest and Baekhyun's chest pressed to his back, his chin hooked over Sehun's shoulder so he can banter between kisses with Chanyeol. Sehun's not even sure which legs is whose, and he's finally stopped trembling, his stomach has settled, and his heart is beating steadily.
"Baekhyun-hyung? If Chanyeol's broad because of his heart, where do you fit your own?" Sehun finally asks, coming back to the conversation from earlier. Baekhyun's laugh vibrates through both him and Chanyeol.
"It's spread in my stomach. It's why my abs can only be melted chocolate, nutella. It's too warm for any form to stick."
Chanyeol laughs too hard and flails so much that for the first time, they all roll off the couch.
They go out for breakfast the next morning, to this place Baekhyun keeps talking about as they brush their teeth and work around each other in the bathroom. Chanyeol holds to Sehun's hip as he laughs, calling Baekhyun a glutton and watches both of them in the mirror, eyes jumping between them like he can't believe they're both there.
"I totally want to try their breakfast menu too, now," Sehun says then, and Baekhyun high fives him, because they know they've won, with how Chanyeol rolls his eyes.
"There goes my Saturday spent in bed, cuddling," he complains.
"You cuddle monster," Baekhyun pokes Chanyeol's chest, like Sehun didn't wake up with Baekhyun draped over him, Sehun's left arm beneath him practically dead.
They walk into the coffee shop laughing, and Sehun almost chokes on his tongue because he sees Junmyeon sitting at the table near the window, with Jongin and Sunyoung, his fiancé. Chanyeol's hand is on the small of Sehun's back and Sehun has an arm around Baekhyun's shoulders, but strangely it's Junmyeon and Jongin, who look like two very guilty deers caught in the spotlight.
"Hey!" Junmyeon waves. It's not surprising he's here. He loves going to good and fancy places for breakfast almost as much as Baekhyun does and this place has been a recent hit in all the Seoul food guides. But Jongin...
"Where's Soojung?" Sehun asks, as Baekhyun and Chanyeol say hi and move to look for a table.
"In Paris?" Jongin says, and that's...
"Excuse me?" Sehun stares between them. "You kicked me out last night."
"That was hyung's idea," Jongin points accusingly. "Soojung's on some 'goodbye-freedom' trip with her friends before they start working, but you were starting to look like someone drowned all your kittens so..."
Jongin set him up. Kind of, anyway, with Junmyeon, who looks totally smug about it, too.
"You're still doing my laundry," is all Sehun manages.
"Whatever, you should be thanking me. Your boyfriends are back," Jongin pouts.
"They're not..." Sehun doesn't finish that. Baekhyun's making faces at him, and Chanyeol's waving the menus.
"Ah, they were probably never gone," Junmyeon finally says. He takes a sip of his cappuccino, and Sehun, once again doesn't bother to tell him he has a white foam mustache. Instead he walks over to Chanyeol and Baekhyun's table. He sits down, and grabs Chanyeol's hand under it. Baekhyun hooks his ankle around Sehun's and smiles at him.
"So, Chanyeol wants a bigger bed. I think that's utter nonsense. Who needs all that space when there's all this skin to latch on?" Baekhyun says.
Chanyeol flicks Baekhyun in the forehead and pouts at Sehun, clearly trying to get him on his side this time. "Who's the cuddle monster now?"
***
I .. may want to wrtie about Sehun moving in and them testing the bed if I can figure out all the limbs, but all the things important are here? ;__;
Tagging![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
drainbamage954, welcome to shiritori :D
"You think that it's taking care? You think Baekhyun and Chanyeol are just taking care of you?" Junmyeon looks so scandalized, despite the milk mustache from his cappuccino. Sehun suddenly feels very uncomfortable in the Italian coffee shop where they're sitting, all sleek and smelling of great coffee and so open, not suited for conversation this personal.
"They aren't?" he asks, grabbing and letting go of his spoon. He just ordered some fruit fusion tea. He doesn't drink coffee, and there's no tapioca to buy here. Junmyeon is lucky he's such a good hyung. At least normally he is.
"Well," Junmyeon halts, scratching the top of his nose in confusion, like he's not sure whether to keep talking or stay quiet. "I mean yes, they do take care of you as well, but Sehun. You are together all the time, and you have sex with them. I mean, I thought you were just afraid of telling me you're dating because you thought I'd judge you or something. I know some people would, but I would never, and so I figured I'd ask." He looks so small and frazzled. Just like when they were still dorm roommates and Junmyeon was studying for one of his finals in his last year. Silly, careless, freshman Sehun would hug him then and pet his hair. Sehun now finds his hands too unsteady for that.
"You know we have sex?" It's out of his mouth before he can try and deny it. He can't really lie to Junmyeon anyway. Junmyeon just stares. "You mean Chanyeol told you? Or Baekhyun? I ... it's nothing." It's been a bit surprising, sex and the kissing, but essentially it felt ... right, and normal, and Sehun decided to just take it in stride.
"Sehun," Junmyeon starts and stops again, finishing his cappuccino. "I ... maybe I shouldn't be meddling, but I thought. I thought you knew. I ... you should really talk about it with them."
Sehun just shakes his head. It's nothing. It's...okay it's something, but Chanyeol and Baekhyun are lovers, and Sehun's just there waiting for them to realize they're forever or maybe they're waiting for Sehun to move on, and, "It's nothing," he says. He feels his stomach flip. Fruit fusions aren't his things either, after all.
Junmyeon doesn't seem to feel any qualms about getting up and hugging Sehun, awkwardly, ruffling his hair as he lets go. "It's not nothing if you look like a kicked puppy while saying it," he whispers.
Sehun lets him pay for both of them, but trudges back to his dorm by foot. It's still cold outside, wet and slippery. He has finals soon, and then he's going to be out of college and trying his luck as a dance teacher, and he'll have to move and figure things out, try to become an adult a little more once again. He doesn't think dating two other men is a part of all that.
Jongin is out somewhere still, when Sehun gets back, cold and none the wiser despite the long walk. Maybe this only works for Chanyeol. But now that Sehun thinks about it, it was probably Jongin that told Junmyeon what was going on, or what he probably guessed was going on once Sehun started spending so many nights over at Chanyeol's place.
"Chanyeol and Baekhyun's place," Jongin would correct and almost leer. Jongin, the friend thief, who took an instant liking to Junmyeon when Sehun introduced them, and Sehun knew they've been texting and talking without him, but this is almost a betrayal. No matter how much Jongin needs a rich benefactor until he makes it big with his dance--his words, not Sehun’s. Which is also a lie, anyway, because Jongin’s already working with the best modern dance troupe in Seoul and doing fine.
So now, traitor Jongin is out, probably on a date, and Sehun is left feeling cold and haggard and just a bit lonely. He almost forgot how that is, and before the feeling sinks, his phone chimes and he finds a new message from Chanyeol, in the chatroom they've been keeping together with Baekhyun for a while now.
Had a good time with Junmyeon-hyung?
Sometimes we should all go out, catch up, eat good food, appears almost instantly, next to Baekhyun's icon, a cute scrunched-up face. Sehun is already feeling warmer.
You just want free food, Chanyeol shoots next.
Well...
But hyung is also cute when he's annoyed. I like being annoying with him. I bet with Sehun, we could take it up a notch if he cooperates.
Sehun can just imagine it, those two sitting together on their couch, legs tangled, a movie they're not really watching on, having a go at each other in the chatroom while they grin and make faces at each other, all for Sehun's benefit and amusement.
I like Junmyeon-hyung, I'm not sharing him with you two, too, Sehun ends up typing.
O.o Baekhyun's probably making that face in real life too.
I thought we share //everything// together ;D
Is something wrong, Sehunnie? Chanyeol types then.
Sehun sighs, curling up in his bed, still in his jeans and sweater. He thinks it'd be so much better if he was there with Chanyeol and Baekhyun, right in the middle of their couch. Chanyeol would probably rub his back soothingly, while Sehun would rant about Jongin, the stealing pretend-friend. Baekhyun would drop his head into Sehun's lap, demanding to be played with, but in the end, Sehun would feel safe and soothed and just right.
I prefer it when Chanyeol makes us three dinners at home anyway, he types.
There's a flurry of stickers and bickering then, and Sehun watches, his head swimming with so many questions that he figures maybe Jongin can have Junmyeon after all, he's not too kind of a friend anyway either, messing Sehun's head up, giving him ideas, asking about how dating Chanyeol and Baekhyun is, insisting on seeing things that are not.
Sehun knows how it all started. He came back from the army, to Tao announcing he's going home to China and to the stress of finding a new roommate for his last year of college, to finding himself without a boyfriend and terribly alone. Junmyeon had been working even before Sehun had gone to do his mandatory service, but now he also has a fiancé to spend time with. Lu Han had gone back home, too, finally caving to his parents' requests, and Yixing was working in a small dance studio and going on tours with various artists. Jongdae, Baekhyun and Chanyeol had all graduated and started working.
Sehun, used to spending his nights roaming Seoul with Tao, looking for good food and dark corners to make out in, was faced with lonely evenings in practice rooms and only occasional coffee dates with Junmyeon and silly messages from Chanyeol. Jongin was a nice new friend, but he had his own world, a girlfriend, and a strange infatuation with Kyungsoo with whom he always spent his free time. Every part of the campus felt like an unpleasant reminder of Tao's smiles, foolish ideas, and high-pitched laughter, and late night skype calls left Sehun feeling more empty and sad than happy. He thought he'd come back and just slip into his routine from two years ago, seamlessly, but instead Sehun felt lost.
He'd written as much to Chanyeol one night, after a skype call that ended too fast and left his eyes stinging, and an hour later, Chanyeol was there, looking windswept, ears sticking out, hair a mess, but feeling warm as he hugged Sehun and told him that he's going to be fine. Sehun didn't expect Baekhyun to peek around and pat Sehun on his back too, but he was there, as he always was these days.
With Chanyeol it was always easy, he and Sehun were childhood friends. And even if at some point Chanyeol found Baekhyun and started to live in his much smaller pockets, and Sehun and Tao became stuck to each other with glue of attraction and love, at least on Sehun's part, Sehun and Chanyeol kept in touch. Sehun liked Chanyeol the best, maybe a bit more than was healthy, but Chanyeol had always been smiling, always helpful, always ready to please and take care of people, and Sehun couldn't help it, the way it pulled him in. So even after a few years of oscillating on a more loose orbit, it was easy for Sehun to let Chanyeol drag him in, let him talk him into lives in small bars, or strange artsy movies, and weekend video game sessions.
"Let me take care of you for a bit," Chanyeol said, the night when Sehun told Tao he wasn't going to call or pick up anymore because it was just hurtful and made him hollow for too long after. Sehun was curled up on Chanyeol's sofa, in Chanyeol's and Baekhyun's apartment, where he'd walked in without thinking of it much, forgetting that Chanyeol didn't live alone, that he had someone to spend every evening with and that Sehun might be intruding.
"The both of us," Baekhyun added.
And that's what it was, for a long time, only difference from when they were younger -- Baekhyun. Where before there had been only Chanyeol, the childhood friend who was too good to everyone including Sehun, there were now Chanyeol and Baekhyun, the two of them showering Sehun with attention. It was just taking care of Sehun and Sehun slowly healed, put himself back together or was put back together, basking in the warmth of the two as they always found time for him, together or individually, between their work and everyday life. And Sehun never felt unwanted in their apartment, or when they walked outside to eat or just to play. He never stopped to consider if maybe this wouldn't have been better if they were alone, on a date.
Chanyeol and Baekhyun, they became something Sehun looked forward to after a long day of classes and practice. They became someone Sehun always wanted to share his joys and success with first, and they always seemed to know when something was wrong.
There's the chatroom, and their bi-weekly dinners, and movie nights and concert outings in between, and Sehun is happy, content like this. He feels the most whole with them. And sometimes he forgets that this is just temporary.
But he knows. Chanyeol has said he'd take care for him for a bit, and if Sehun never wants it to stop, he doesn't let it show, he tries not to forget there's an expiration date on all of this.
It's then that he feels jealous. Jealous of Baekhyun because he has Chanyeol, with no clock ticking above his head, and he has him always. He doesn't have to doubt if it's too much when he runs a hand through Chanyeol's hair or pulls at his ear, when he hides his nose in the crook of Chanyeol's neck and holds on too long. But then Chanyeol has that too, and Sehun's just as envious of him, being able to call Baekhyun cute as many times as he wants, and not care how it sounds, not worrying about feeling like he's stealing something that isn't his when he hugs Baekhyun tightly, as the other wiggles playfully, when he swats at his butt when Baekhyun flirts too much or when he kisses his droopy smiling eyes when Baekhyun sings too loud for evening air. Chanyeol and Baekhyun, they have each other and they aren't Sehun's for taking and he wouldn't want them separately anyway, he wants it all.
All in all, being taken care of, that wasn't surprise. The first kiss was. Even more so because it was Baekhyun who reached over on the couch when he caught Sehun watching their verbal ping-pong in fascination. He pecked Sehun lightly on the lips, and when Sehun froze but didn't pull back, he leaned in closer and his next kiss was firm, lips a little chapped and warm against Sehun's.
"Couldn't help it, you looked so cute pouting like that," Baekhyun said afterwards, and Sehun started to panic, internally, head sweeping to look at Chanyeol, to apologize, his stomach turning because Baekhyun had kissed him and Sehun would like nothing more than to feel it again, to kiss back, but Chanyeol--
Chanyeol scooted over, warm palm rubbing Sehun's stomach like he knew exactly how panicked Sehun felt, and he kissed Sehun's temple, nuzzling into his cheeks.
"Totally understandable," he murmured, and Sehun slumped into him, heavy and completely exhausted from just those few seconds, like he understood too. Baekhyun only laughed loudly, coming closer and squeezing Sehun from the other side, giving both him and Chanyeol a quick kiss and Sehun...didn't ask, just rolled with it, breathed in deeply and let the two of them cuddle him until he fell asleep, spending another night in their apartment. Only this time he woke up in Chanyeol and Baekhyun's big bed, smashed between the two, feeling too hot but also strangely tingling with happiness.
Sehun only realized that the kisses were there to stay, at least for now, after it happened half a dozen more times. Until one day he found himself pressed against the kitchen counter, being kissed by Chanyeol, deeply, Chanyeol's tongue warm and thick in his mouth, and his hands strong and sure on Sehun's hips. Baekhyun wasn’t even home yet when Chanyeol dropped his spoon, turned off the stove and pulled Sehun in just because Sehun told him he looked good in an apron, a total slip up on Sehun's part. And Sehun was a little anxious about this until there was another hand at the nape of his neck, and Baekhyun was there too, his chest pressing into Sehun's side and his breath warm on his neck.
"Oh, started without me, how adventurous," he breathed out, and then kissed Sehun's shoulder, and Chanyeol grinned and reached over to kiss him before returning to Sehun's mouth.
"Sehun's been complimenting me," he hummed against Sehun's mouth, and Baekhyun moved away laughing. "He's so much nicer to me than you."
"I see. Keep going then. I'm going to wash up and then maybe we could eat, if you can keep it in your pants for that long, Chanyeol," Baekhyun said, already halfway out of the kitchen.
It was Sehun who went all red, neck, cheeks and ears burning, while Chanyeol only hummed against his jaw.
"Depends on how slow you are," he shot after Baekhyun, and Sehun had goosebumps up his back. They ate later, and then Baekhyun settled on Sehun's lap and kissed him to his heart's content, and Sehun's too, while Chanyeol complained about having to wash dishes. Sehun figured that night, that it was okay, that Baekhyun and Chanyeol shared him just like everything else in their life, sharing that promise to take care for him, whatever it was Sehun needed.
After the kissing, sex...was just the next step in this hazy territory of sharing and maybe caring. It was Baekhyun slotting his knee between Sehun's thighs one evening while they were watching a movie, and Chanyeol only moving to sit up better behind Sehun to allow both of them settled between his legs as he watched them make out, at first only occasionally dropping kisses to Sehun's or Baekhyun's cheek or neck from his perch on the couch. Sehun always found this couch amazing, it was soft and wide, and long enough for Chanyeol's legs. Still it was a wonder how easily the three of them fit on it, Baekhyun eventually crouching down to take Sehun's cock into his mouth as Chanyeol guided him, with a hand in his hair. All the while Chanyeol nibbled on Sehun's neck and jaw from behind, holding him still with his other hand around his waist, Sehun's back pressed against Chanyeol's chest. Sehun was gone so fast like this, with the two of them focused on him, Baekhyun swallowing around the head of his cock, and moaning as Chanyeol pulled at his hair and told him how good he looked like that.
He didn't know what to do with himself afterwards, but it was easy to let Chanyeol take care of that, too, to be maneuvered until he was slumped against Chanyeol's hip, nose in the crook of Chanyeol's neck and his hand, along with Baekhyun’s, in Chanyeol's sweats, their fingers clasped on Chanyeol's cock, Baekhyun whining into Chanyeol's mouth and rubbing against his thigh, draped around Chanyeol like a grapevine. Sehun didn't even register who came first, content to mouth at Chanyeol's skin and follow the rhythm of their bodies.
Afterwards they all made it into the shower, and it wasn't at all awkward, the way they managed to wash each other and laugh through the clumsiness of three bodies in a shower made for one. Baekhyun slapped both Sehun's and Chanyeol's butts with a content hum before he slid out from under the spray of water and threw towels at them as they followed. It was another night Sehun spent in their apartment, already used to sleeping in bed with them, spooning Baekhyun this time, who claimed he felt cold and needed all the warmth he could get as he snuggled against Chanyeol's chest too.
No matter how Sehun looked at it, with Chanyeol and Baekhyun, it was always about being taken care of, and he likes it that sometimes it feels like he's the one doing the caring too.
But for Jongin and for Junmyeon, who must have heard an exaggerated version of how many nights Jongin has to turn the light off alone and fear for their electronics during winter storms all on his own, it may be more. And Sehun, he wants more, but he doesn't want that to get in the way of what he has, even if he's running on borrowed time. Maybe that's why he'd gone out with Junmyeon today instead of spending an evening with Chanyeol and Baekhyun who had offered, talked excitedly about a live of one of their common musician friends.
He knows Chanyeol's been trying to talk to him, with Baekhyun always looming somewhere close by, as if ready to intervene if Sehun didn't like where the conversation is going. And then Baekhyun tried to talk to him, hanging off his side and coming to visit him in his dorm, but Sehun dodged it all, because it’s been a year and three months since he came back from the army, and fourteen months since both Chanyeol and Baekhyun rushed to Sehun's dorm, and eleventh months and two weeks since they promised Sehun to take care of him for a bit. It’s been five months since they first kissed and four months and six days since they first had sex, and Sehun is running out of that bit of time. He doesn't want to talk about it, he wants them to just do it, cut him off because he can't do it himself, and Chanyeol and Baekhyun aren't his to have. He's grown up and he graduates in a month and dating two men isn't a part of the general adult life plan.
"Why are you here?" Jongin asks next Wednesday when he gets in, at eleven at night, sweaty from late night rehearsal, Sehun already in his bed.
"I live here," Sehun replies, pulling the blanket up to his chin and curling on his side, watching Jongin move around sluggishly and feeling all that more tired for it.
"No kidding." Jongin sheds his jacket and his t-shirt and starts looking for his sleep sweats and a towel. "But really, did you break up with Chanyeol and Baekhyun? Or one of them? I'm not sure how these things work with more than one person."
Sehun's stomach twists and he pulls at the blanket again.
"Despite what you've been saying to people, I'm not dating them. I mean either of them. They're together, the last I remember," he says.
Jongin turns around to stare. "Right. So why aren't you third wheeling them like usual? If that's what you want to call it."
Sehun turns around to show him his back. Jongin's looking at him too weirdly, like he doesn't know if he should be sorry for him or laugh at him or give him a mouthful.
"I've been busy. You know, with finals, and rehearsal, for the final showcase, the one you're the star of? And with apartment hunting, the thing you've been complaining about because Soojung doesn't want to move in with you."
Jongin snorts and walks around Sehun's bed, flops down on it, almost sitting on top of Sehun's thighs.
"If I didn't know better, I'd think you're jealous about the showcase thing. Lucky for you I know better, so I'll take it you're being a sarcastic little shit. As for the rest, being busy has never stopped you from spending time with your favorite hyungs. And what is this nonsense about apartment hunting?" He keeps poking Sehun wherever he sees a part of him under a blanket, and Sehun really just wants to push him off the bed, even if it's nice that Jongin is here, talking to him. Only it's not something he wants to talk about.
"Did you think I'd go back to living with my parents? Seriously, Jongin, even you don't want to do that."
"No, not your parents." Jongin rolls his eyes, but then stops talking. "What the hell is going on?"
"I'm tired, and you're sweaty and your nipples are shrinking from cold," Sehun announces. Jongin stops poking him, but grabs his neck, squeezing and making Sehun look up at him. Sehun bites his bottom lip and, just, hopes that Jongin goes to shower at last.
"You're an idiot and not cute at all, not matter what Chanyeol or Baekhyun tells you," Jongin says at last. "Really not cute." He squeezes Sehun's neck one last time, hand lingering on his shoulder as he pulls back, and then he's out of the room, and Sehun is left lying in bed, feeling cold and frustrated.
He hasn't seen either Chanyeol or Baekhyun for almost two weeks now. They both try, but he keeps finding excuses not to meet them. At first this lead to frantic messages in their chat about taking care of himself, and not pushing himself, then to separate messages from Chanyeol and Baekhyun about how he's being quiet and if he's okay, because the other worries, and he should tell them, so they can help.
Chanyeol's called five times, and Baekhyun twice as much, even if Sehun didn't answer half the time. After that, things quiet down. Sehun still finds a good morning and good night message in the chatroom every day though, and a flurry texts on occasion or two, when Chanyeol and Baekhyun use it as if it was just their own, arguing about what to buy for dinner and who will do the laundry that week.
"Sehunnie, do what you need to," Chanyeol had said the last time they spoke, "just don't forget we're here, any time. You can drop by or call or text. Just don't struggle alone. You don't have to."
"Okay," Sehun had breathed out. "Okay."
"You just have to ask," Chanyeol had said one more time, before he said goodbye, and Sehun sat in the empty cold studio, long after dark and thought about how badly that would go, asking Chanyeol, and Baekhyun, for what Sehun wanted.
"You need to not be here tonight," Jongin tells him that Friday morning with a serious face.
"What?" Sehun only has one dance tutorial on Friday, and he plans to spend the rest of it looking for places at least relatively close to his new dance studio. In the evening, he'll probably watch dance videos on youtube until he falls asleep or something.
"Soojung's been saying I'm spending more time with Kyungsoo than her, so tonight I have a romantic evening all planned." Jongin is pouting, so Sehun decides not to point out that Soojung is probably right.
"Here?" he asks instead, throwing his arms around to point the mess of clothes on the floor, the books and empty ramyun cups on the table, and the smelly sneakers in the corner.
"Yes. Well partly. I'll clean. I'll do your laundry for you too. Just you need to not be here tonight."
Sehun hasn't gotten exiled from his own room in a long time. He stares at Jongin who stares back, eyebrows furrowed, like he's sending mind waves at Sehun to agree.
"Fine," Sehun sighs, and grabs his backpack. "Just don't touch my bed."
Jongin jumps him, gives him a tight hug then throws him out of the room, like tonight is now and not in like ten hours. Sehun stands in the hallway of his dorm, suddenly feeling very lost. Yet again.
When he pulls out his phone to check the time and figure out where he's sleeping that night, he finds a message from Chanyeol.
How is your day, Sehunnie?
He doesn't reply. He goes to his tutorial and then goes through five condo viewings that leave him feeling useless. The apartments are either in awful condition or too expensive, and some of the landlords have been ... strange enough to give Sehun shivers up his back, and not the good kind. When the last one is over, it's almost eight, dark and raining, and he's standing in front of a high apartment building, realizing the hot shower and the bed that he's envisioning is not happening.
I'm lost, he types then, at last, in the chatroom he shares with Chanyeol and Baekhyun, and he doesn't really expect an answer, not so soon anyway, thinking the two of them are probably out somewhere, because it's Friday and there's bound to be good live music somewhere.
Still.
Can you get home or do you need me to pick you up?
The message appears almost immediately, along with Baekhyun's icon, and Sehun slides down the wall, shivering and feeling panic rise in him again.
Where are you? Baekhyun asks next. Sehunnie?
And Sehun. He misses them so much, both of them, and it's so hard to stay away. And just this one time, maybe it's okay. He's just going to shower and stay for a bit, then text Jongin that he's coming back. He types the address into the phone before he can talk himself out of it.
A taxi stops in front of him not even twenty minutes later, and Baekhyun must have been home. It's not that far away from here. Sehun had been thrilled when this particular studio gave him a job offer.
"You'll get sick like this, Sehunnie," Baekhyun says, as he pulls at Sehun's elbow, quickly getting them both out of the rain and into the taxi again.
"Forgot my umbrella," Sehun mutters.
Baekhyun doesn't even ask him where he wants to go. "We're going home and taking a hot shower right away." He holds Sehun's cold hands in his own the entire short journey, and all Sehun can think of is how this isn't his home, not really, but he can't bring himself to say that out loud.
"Chanyeol's still in the studio. Long session," Baekhyun says, when they're inside, and he's pushing Sehun towards the bathroom. He's already pulling Sehun's clothes off, the jacket and the sweater Sehun wore to impress possible future landlords, and then he tries to take Sehun's soggy jeans off too.
Sehun halts in the bathroom, and then stops Baekhyun's hands on his waist.
"I'll do it," he mutters. "I won't take long," he adds, and Baekhyun steps back. He looks at Sehun a bit strangely, but then he smiles and nods.
"Take as long as you need. Warm up well." He pulls a towel out of the towel cabinet before he leaves, the baby pink one that Sehun always uses when he's here, and it usually hangs right next to Chanyeol's blue one and Baekhyun's yellow. Sehun hasn't been here for a while though, and they must have washed it since.
While Sehun showers, Baekhyun opens the door once more, just a little, and drops sweat pants and a hoodie on the floor for Sehun to wear afterwards. They're Chanyeol's, smell like the fabric softener they use to wash all their clothes in, and Sehun's insides tremble as the scent settles around him, the fabric warm and the clothes soft, a bit loose and making him feel small because Chanyeol, bigger than Sehun, likes his clothes to swallow him up.
Baekhyun's not a good cook, but there's a kimchi soup on the table when Sehun walks into the kitchen and what looks like pasta leftovers too. He pushes Sehun to sit at the table and uses the towel around Sehun's shoulders to rub his hair furiously, making it static as it dries.
"You're so cute," he laughs, when Sehun tries to pat them down. "So pouty," he adds, poking Sehun's cheeks. "Ah, when I met Chanyeol, he always went on about you, how you're so warm and cute and endearing, and I was jealous. But then I met you, and he was totally right, only he forgot to mention you're handsome too. He always liked you so much, honestly. I'm so happy you shared him with me, Sehunnie," he says, and Sehun doesn't know how to breathe in that moment.
"I ... Chanyeol never was mine to share?" Sehun thinks Chanyeol isn't a candy, a chocolate bar, or a toy to share. Chanyeol is a person, who loves Baekhyun a lot, and if anything it's Baekhyun who's willing to share the time he should be spending with Chanyeol, who has been so hopelessly in love with Baekhyun since the moment they met, with Sehun.
"Well, true. Chanyeol is his own person. But still. I'm glad it all worked out. Both you and Chanyeol have these warm, huge hearts. Clearly that's why you're so broad, to fit it all in. I'm seriously so lucky."
"Hyung," Sehun starts, but then Baekhyun drops his hands from where they were resting on Sehun's shoulders and steps away.
"Sorry, I'm too sappy before dinner, but I missed you. We both missed you. Eat your food, then we can try if we can annoy Chanyeol into coming home. Who works this long on a Friday evening?"
Sehun doesn't know how he's supposed to eat even one mouthful, with how dry and tight his throat is and with how hard his heart is thumping in his chest. Baekhyun must notice him not eating though, so he picks up his own spoon and tries to feed him soup, claiming that "It's not that bad, I promise," and Sehun just lets him, focused on the way Baekhyun's eyes dance with mirth and happiness when Sehun doesn't protest and swallows obediently.
Baekhyun keeps chattering between the mouthfuls, and Sehun's mind's spinning, Jongin's and Junmyeon's words mashing with Baekhyun's own, all jumbled in a mess.
They're almost done eating when the front door opens, and Baekhyun jumps up. "Chanyeol, in the kitchen!"
Chanyeol walks in, still in his coat, and strides right to Sehun, pulling him up and into a bone crushing hug.
"You're okay?" he says, and Baekhyun sighs loudly.
"Chanyeol, maybe if you weren't so dramatic, you wouldn't have to worry we scared him off," he says.
Chanyeol only squeezes Sehun firmer. "I saw the message, and you've been ... I just haven't seen you in a while so I just." When Chanyeol still doesn't let go, it's Baekhyun who wiggles into the embrace too, one hand on Sehun's waist.
"Okay, okay, group hug. Now can we finish eating before we attempt any serious talking? I was doing so well before you barged in," he chides Chanyeol, but his other hand is pulling at Chanyeol's ear in what Sehun knows is actually a comforting gesture.
Chanyeol chuckles, right against Sehun's ear, and Sehun somehow breaks down, in that moment, shaking and slumping into the two men holding him close in the middle of their kitchen, while he feels his eyes stinging and fights the tears from spilling. He doesn't even know why he's about to cry. There's nothing to cry about, and yet. Baekhyun's the first one to notice though, and he sighs, and pushes at him and Chanyeol.
"Oh Chanyeol, look what you did. Forget diner, move, let's sit down."
It probably is funny, how they wobble into the living room because Chanyeol is still holding onto Sehun and Baekhyun's kicking at their feet to move. He giggles at it, and Sehun tries, he really does, so hard to get his own breathing under control. He doesn't want to worry them. Before he knows it, they're all collapsing onto the couch, and Baekhyun's prying Chanyeol off Sehun a bit. Sehun doesn't really want to let go, but he tells himself they can't go too far, not in their own home.
"Let him breathe," Baekhyun chides, and he is still smiling, even if it's not a bright smile, but one soft and clearly put on for the benefit of those around him. He may act cute or silly or completely crazy at times, but at times like these Sehun realizes how much he is a pillar to Chanyeol and Sehun both, this strong spirit in small body that never stills. Chanyeol looks like a kicked puppy now, scooting back to sit against the backrest, and he holds onto Sehun's ankle where Sehun's folded his legs underneath himself, thumb circling around the bone.
"I'm sorry. I got so used to all three of us being together that when you ... I just miss you, and I thought maybe I scared you because I was trying to talk to you about, about something. And Baekhyun did say it may be too soon, that you probably need more space, but I just. Then I saw your message tonight." Chanyeol takes a deep breath. Baekhyun's moved to squeeze between them, his legs in Chanyeol's lap and his head on Sehun's shoulders as he tsks at him.
"I texted you Sehun was fine. I can take care of things by myself for a bit too. I thought we established we're all grown-up, rather capable, human beings."
"Baekhyun's a mess," Chanyeol quickly jumps in. "I just didn't want him to poison you. He mentioned cooking, and I'd rather you not run away from us just because he gives you food poisoning. You might get the wrong impression."
Chanyeol's showing all his teeth too now; both he and Baekhyun are so good at this, smiling for other people's sake, Sehun's sake, so that he feels good and doesn't worry. He's learned to see when it happens, but it still has the effect. Baekhyun's hand is warm on his thigh, and Chanyeol's still awkwardly clutching to his ankle. And what they're saying sounds just like Junmyeon's and Jongin's assumptions, when they really shouldn't be like that too.
"If you don't stop saying all these things, I will get wrong impression, hyung. Both of you. Don't do it. Don't give me false hope."
He feels Baekhyun stiffen next to him, and Chanyeol jerks, his face twitching. He finally lets go of Sehun's ankle only to grab his wrist.
"What? I..." Chanyeol starts, but then closes his mouth, looking so confused. It almost looks like his ears are drooping instead of sticking out from between his hair cheerfully, the way Sehun, and Baekhyun too, loves it.
"Sehunnie?" It's Baekhyun who speaks again. "Are we taking it too fast for you? I know we haven't really talked about this much. If you feel uncomfortable..." Baekhyun's hand eases the pressure against Sehun's thigh, even if not moving away completely. Chanyeol's hand too, pulls away until only the tips of his fingers rest on the top of Sehun's palm.
Sehun's head is bursting because they're pulling away now. They think he wants them to?
"No, you don't get it. I feel too comfortable. And I know this isn't going to last, that I have to walk away, soon, that I can't make you take care of me forever. But when you talk like that...It confuses me. It makes me think maybe I wouldn't have to, but that hurts. It hurts more than when Tao left, and I can't..." He looks up, at Baekhyun and then at Chanyeol, and they're both so funnily in sync, heads tilted to one side, mouths slightly open. And then, just as in sync, Chanyeol's hand wraps back around Sehun's wrist and Baekhyun's hand grips his thigh almost painfully. Chanyeol glances at Baekhyun, bewildered, and Baekhyun lets out this high-pitched laugh, like he's relieved.
"Sehunnie, will you move in with us?" is what Chanyeol says, quick and jumbled. And...that's not what Sehun expected.
Baekhyun apparently didn't either, because he kicks at Chanyeol. "What the hell, Chanyeol, can't you prioritize a little?" And then Baekhyun's moving, and Sehun finds himself in between them again in a much tighter hug, with Baekhyun kneeling in front of him and Chanyeol draping himself over Sehun's back. It's so surreal, and, yeah, he really needs them to make some sense.
"Baekhyun? Chanyeol? I..."
"Sehunnie, we don't want you to ever leave or stop being with us, unless of course it's what you want, then we'd understand," Baekhyun says, cupping Sehun's cheeks.
"But, you two are ... so, so good together and in love, and I'm just. I can take care of myself now?" Sehun says.
"You could always take care of yourself," Chanyeol says firmly, and he digs his chin into Sehun's shoulder, and kisses his jaw where he can reach. "We just want to do it, too, Sehunnie. Yes we're in love, but with you, too, have been for a while. We just didn't want to freak you out, we wanted to just...give you time and space to figure it out, if maybe this could be something you want. And you're finishing school soon so I got ahead of myself. I wanted you to come live with us."
"We both do," Baekhyun interrupts. “We've been trying to bring it up as an option for you, but clearly we fail, and you started to pull back, so Chanyeol thought we scared you off, and I thought maybe this just isn't something you wanted in the long run." Baekhyun laughs now, and it's still too high-pitched to be absolutely carefree, but it's so relieved. He puts his forehead against Sehun's. "For how much we talk, we really suck at it, don't we?"
"So you mean, this is. You want this?" Sehun still can't believe it, his stomach is still twisted in knots, and he struggles to breathe even as he feels so warm, with Baekhyun and Chanyeol this close, Chanyeol nuzzling his neck and rubbing circles into his tummy, and Baekhyun playing with his hair and bumping their noses on purpose.
"Do you? I don't mean the moving in, Chanyeol's just getting ahead of himself there. But do you want to be with us?"
"I like you so much," Sehun blurts out. "Both of you, and I thought that's not something I could want."
Chanyeol makes this low distressed noise, and then Baekhyun's kissing him first, chased by Chanyeol, who's more sloppy and kind of wet about it. It's a mess, but it works, like it always does because even when Chanyeol reaches for Baekhyun too, Sehun can mouth at Baekhyun's jaw or nip at Chanyeol's ear and they hold him close. He feels...so right like this. Baekhyun peppers his face with kisses and Chanyeol blabbers about how Sehun in his own hoodie looks so great and he should wear his clothes always, both him and Baekhyun, and Baekhyun swats at him and lets Chanyeol kiss Sehun, too. It's so surreal, how they're laughing and talking all over each other and are so comfortable.
When they finally calm down a bit, Sehun’s lying on his side with his nose digging into Chanyeol's chest and Baekhyun's chest pressed to his back, his chin hooked over Sehun's shoulder so he can banter between kisses with Chanyeol. Sehun's not even sure which legs is whose, and he's finally stopped trembling, his stomach has settled, and his heart is beating steadily.
"Baekhyun-hyung? If Chanyeol's broad because of his heart, where do you fit your own?" Sehun finally asks, coming back to the conversation from earlier. Baekhyun's laugh vibrates through both him and Chanyeol.
"It's spread in my stomach. It's why my abs can only be melted chocolate, nutella. It's too warm for any form to stick."
Chanyeol laughs too hard and flails so much that for the first time, they all roll off the couch.
They go out for breakfast the next morning, to this place Baekhyun keeps talking about as they brush their teeth and work around each other in the bathroom. Chanyeol holds to Sehun's hip as he laughs, calling Baekhyun a glutton and watches both of them in the mirror, eyes jumping between them like he can't believe they're both there.
"I totally want to try their breakfast menu too, now," Sehun says then, and Baekhyun high fives him, because they know they've won, with how Chanyeol rolls his eyes.
"There goes my Saturday spent in bed, cuddling," he complains.
"You cuddle monster," Baekhyun pokes Chanyeol's chest, like Sehun didn't wake up with Baekhyun draped over him, Sehun's left arm beneath him practically dead.
They walk into the coffee shop laughing, and Sehun almost chokes on his tongue because he sees Junmyeon sitting at the table near the window, with Jongin and Sunyoung, his fiancé. Chanyeol's hand is on the small of Sehun's back and Sehun has an arm around Baekhyun's shoulders, but strangely it's Junmyeon and Jongin, who look like two very guilty deers caught in the spotlight.
"Hey!" Junmyeon waves. It's not surprising he's here. He loves going to good and fancy places for breakfast almost as much as Baekhyun does and this place has been a recent hit in all the Seoul food guides. But Jongin...
"Where's Soojung?" Sehun asks, as Baekhyun and Chanyeol say hi and move to look for a table.
"In Paris?" Jongin says, and that's...
"Excuse me?" Sehun stares between them. "You kicked me out last night."
"That was hyung's idea," Jongin points accusingly. "Soojung's on some 'goodbye-freedom' trip with her friends before they start working, but you were starting to look like someone drowned all your kittens so..."
Jongin set him up. Kind of, anyway, with Junmyeon, who looks totally smug about it, too.
"You're still doing my laundry," is all Sehun manages.
"Whatever, you should be thanking me. Your boyfriends are back," Jongin pouts.
"They're not..." Sehun doesn't finish that. Baekhyun's making faces at him, and Chanyeol's waving the menus.
"Ah, they were probably never gone," Junmyeon finally says. He takes a sip of his cappuccino, and Sehun, once again doesn't bother to tell him he has a white foam mustache. Instead he walks over to Chanyeol and Baekhyun's table. He sits down, and grabs Chanyeol's hand under it. Baekhyun hooks his ankle around Sehun's and smiles at him.
"So, Chanyeol wants a bigger bed. I think that's utter nonsense. Who needs all that space when there's all this skin to latch on?" Baekhyun says.
Chanyeol flicks Baekhyun in the forehead and pouts at Sehun, clearly trying to get him on his side this time. "Who's the cuddle monster now?"
***
I .. may want to wrtie about Sehun moving in and them testing the bed if I can figure out all the limbs, but all the things important are here? ;__;
Tagging
drainbamage954, welcome to shiritori :D
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So first, the main characters? Fit so well together?? Like what???
Sehun is such a poor baby, I hated the part where he came back from army and was abandones and lost a just this poor child!
And Baekyeol were so sweet. To each other, to Sehun, just so lovely and lovable.
And the relationship build was done so well.
And baby hun insecure, god! "I like you so much," Sehun blurts out. "Both of you, and I thought that's not something I could want." I was hurting for him so much, but also thanks god, of course they love you!!!
And you explanation of Baeks nutella abs was the cutest thing ever.
Ans I would love to read in this universe forever. I would love to see Sebaek doting on Yeol, because his heart is so big and so fragile.
But even if this is everything, I really really thank you for this amazing story. You are great. Everything is wonderful. Sebaekyeol is love!
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I couldn't help it with nutella, it's silly but ;__;
Thank you for this comment, it honestly made me so so so happy (also shhhh head over to my writing comm for extended version ;D )
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This was wonderful
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witing a 3 way must be hard bc you have to keep consistency with everyone?? And you did it. You did it soo well. I've never thought this ot3 could work so well and i think you've converted me?? Haha
baekyeol are fantastic tgt and add in sehun, pricky looking sehun who just wants to be accepted but like he has a been already but doesn't realise. So good. Also sex with feelings. Yes i love sex with feelings *nods vigorously**
I thoroughly enjoyed this. Love all your stories. 3 people recced this to me so am not the only one.
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Also idk if you saw, but this (https://pillow-fright.dreamwidth.org/6315.html) is an extended version and there´s also another fic in that universe, if you ever wanted more ;D
/shameless promotion