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writetomyheart2016-03-10 04:31 pm
damagea.livejournal.com) wrote in writetomyheart2016-03-10 04:31 pm
Entry tags:
[team two] find yourself, way past forever
Yessss, more continuation for the war!AU. Slowly but surely getting there.
No matter what hardships they face, they're going to make it through another fifteen years just fine. Just like they had gone through the last fifteen hard years.
Jongdae’s grandmother had once said this as the long war had taken its toll on their family but they had never lost their courage or their faith. Jongdae tries his best to remember her words, those soothing comforting words even when he feels the heavy pressure of the gun against his shoulder and faces the enemy eye to eye. He’s going to survive this, they’re going to survive this and he’ll get to experience so many new things that are waiting for him in the future.
Jongdae writes home almost every week. He tries his best not to show the fear around him through the letter, and trying not to show how he actually misses home and his family, so instead writing about things he misses he writes about the camp life, about the companion, about marches and some general news he’s heard about the current war situation. Only at the end of the letter he forces himself to write some encouraging words, and he ends up half-quoting their grandmother. No matter what hardships we’ll face, we’re going to make it through this. I’ll be home soon.
Yet, silently Jongdae admits to himself that sometimes it’s incredibly hard to believe he’s going to make it through another fifteen years just fine. When he barely avoids the bullet scratching his arm. When the guy eating next to him from last night isn’t there anymore on the next day. When someone in their companion gets wounded. When he sees and senses the fear around him although all those people keep telling him they’ll be fine, they’ll be absolutely fine.
Jongdae doesn’t want to tell his family he’s seriously afraid he won’t make it through another fifteen years, maybe not even a year.
His new companion gives him strange kind of comfort, though. Sometimes Jongdae writes about them to his family, describing his new friends. How there’s Baekhyun who attempts to make lame jokes which can maybe bring smile on their faces for just a short moment but how Jongdae appreciates the effort Baekhyun is constantly doing for them. And how there’s Chanyeol who plays for them during evenings and Sehun who makes small things for his hyungs like volunteering to carry the heaviest loading. Then he of course writes about the commander Kim Junmyeon who silently takes care of them in every possible way. Last time Junmyeon had tried his best to find some paper and ink for them so that they could write home again, not even mentioning the hard labor it had apparently cost him.
His companion gives Jongdae everything good he has in his current life but at the same time he realizes how little and negligible he actually is. How he doesn’t really matter and how many things don’t matter as anyone or anything could be gone tomorrow.
Jongdae sighs and puts the pen away.
He doesn’t know what to tell about his companion members this time. It’s been a tough week. Everyone has been more quiet than usual and their life feels like being just constant waiting – waiting for the battle, waiting to live or waiting to die. And it tires Jongdae so greatly, he’s tired of that waiting.
“Are you alright?” a voice with care asks behind Jongdae.
Jongdae turns around and meets the friendly sincere face of lieutenant commander Kim Minseok.
“I guess,” Jongdae answers with a small hesitation in his voice. Kim Minseok is one of the members he’s really looking up to as the courage and loyalty in him seems to be so strong Jongdae could sense them all the time. If there would be heroes in real life, lieutenant commander Kim Minseok would be one of them for sure.
Jongdae sighs again. Minseok smiles, a little bit sadly.
“It’s okay to be afraid,” Minseok says gently, like guessing what Jongdae must be thinking. “We all are. But we’re also doing the right thing, defending our loved ones, and that’s what makes our families proud of us.”
Jongdae finds it hard to believe Minseok’s words. “No-one's proud of me,” Jongdae mumbles, “I’m nothing like you or the commander Kim Junmyeon who stays calm in every situation. Or Sehun who’s willing to make sacrifices for others. Or Chanyeol who keeps his positive attitude. Not even Zitao who at least admits he’s afraid. Or Jongin who honestly keeps saying he wants to go home.”
Jongdae rubs his eyes in frustration. Now that he has said it aloud he really wonders what is he even doing here, why did they decide to place him just here. Why to be here with all these other brave men who have found their place and role in their companion? Jongdae is just Jongdae, he’s nothing and he’s nowhere. He should have become a good soldier already, he should have become a great many things.
And Minseok doesn’t try to convince him it’s not like that, he’s not telling lies or doing things so that Jongdae would only feel a bit better. Instead he puts a hand to rest on Jongdae’s shoulder blade and says what he must: “There’s a place for all of us. There’s a destiny for you too, Jongdae.”
“But what’s my place then?” Jongdae asks carefully.
“You have to find it by yourself,” Minseok says. “Someday you will find it.”
And even though Jongdae doesn't believe that completely he feels a bit better immediately. Maybe someday he will know his destiny.
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hunhunya is next!
No matter what hardships they face, they're going to make it through another fifteen years just fine. Just like they had gone through the last fifteen hard years.
Jongdae’s grandmother had once said this as the long war had taken its toll on their family but they had never lost their courage or their faith. Jongdae tries his best to remember her words, those soothing comforting words even when he feels the heavy pressure of the gun against his shoulder and faces the enemy eye to eye. He’s going to survive this, they’re going to survive this and he’ll get to experience so many new things that are waiting for him in the future.
Jongdae writes home almost every week. He tries his best not to show the fear around him through the letter, and trying not to show how he actually misses home and his family, so instead writing about things he misses he writes about the camp life, about the companion, about marches and some general news he’s heard about the current war situation. Only at the end of the letter he forces himself to write some encouraging words, and he ends up half-quoting their grandmother. No matter what hardships we’ll face, we’re going to make it through this. I’ll be home soon.
Yet, silently Jongdae admits to himself that sometimes it’s incredibly hard to believe he’s going to make it through another fifteen years just fine. When he barely avoids the bullet scratching his arm. When the guy eating next to him from last night isn’t there anymore on the next day. When someone in their companion gets wounded. When he sees and senses the fear around him although all those people keep telling him they’ll be fine, they’ll be absolutely fine.
Jongdae doesn’t want to tell his family he’s seriously afraid he won’t make it through another fifteen years, maybe not even a year.
His new companion gives him strange kind of comfort, though. Sometimes Jongdae writes about them to his family, describing his new friends. How there’s Baekhyun who attempts to make lame jokes which can maybe bring smile on their faces for just a short moment but how Jongdae appreciates the effort Baekhyun is constantly doing for them. And how there’s Chanyeol who plays for them during evenings and Sehun who makes small things for his hyungs like volunteering to carry the heaviest loading. Then he of course writes about the commander Kim Junmyeon who silently takes care of them in every possible way. Last time Junmyeon had tried his best to find some paper and ink for them so that they could write home again, not even mentioning the hard labor it had apparently cost him.
His companion gives Jongdae everything good he has in his current life but at the same time he realizes how little and negligible he actually is. How he doesn’t really matter and how many things don’t matter as anyone or anything could be gone tomorrow.
Jongdae sighs and puts the pen away.
He doesn’t know what to tell about his companion members this time. It’s been a tough week. Everyone has been more quiet than usual and their life feels like being just constant waiting – waiting for the battle, waiting to live or waiting to die. And it tires Jongdae so greatly, he’s tired of that waiting.
“Are you alright?” a voice with care asks behind Jongdae.
Jongdae turns around and meets the friendly sincere face of lieutenant commander Kim Minseok.
“I guess,” Jongdae answers with a small hesitation in his voice. Kim Minseok is one of the members he’s really looking up to as the courage and loyalty in him seems to be so strong Jongdae could sense them all the time. If there would be heroes in real life, lieutenant commander Kim Minseok would be one of them for sure.
Jongdae sighs again. Minseok smiles, a little bit sadly.
“It’s okay to be afraid,” Minseok says gently, like guessing what Jongdae must be thinking. “We all are. But we’re also doing the right thing, defending our loved ones, and that’s what makes our families proud of us.”
Jongdae finds it hard to believe Minseok’s words. “No-one's proud of me,” Jongdae mumbles, “I’m nothing like you or the commander Kim Junmyeon who stays calm in every situation. Or Sehun who’s willing to make sacrifices for others. Or Chanyeol who keeps his positive attitude. Not even Zitao who at least admits he’s afraid. Or Jongin who honestly keeps saying he wants to go home.”
Jongdae rubs his eyes in frustration. Now that he has said it aloud he really wonders what is he even doing here, why did they decide to place him just here. Why to be here with all these other brave men who have found their place and role in their companion? Jongdae is just Jongdae, he’s nothing and he’s nowhere. He should have become a good soldier already, he should have become a great many things.
And Minseok doesn’t try to convince him it’s not like that, he’s not telling lies or doing things so that Jongdae would only feel a bit better. Instead he puts a hand to rest on Jongdae’s shoulder blade and says what he must: “There’s a place for all of us. There’s a destiny for you too, Jongdae.”
“But what’s my place then?” Jongdae asks carefully.
“You have to find it by yourself,” Minseok says. “Someday you will find it.”
And even though Jongdae doesn't believe that completely he feels a bit better immediately. Maybe someday he will know his destiny.
hunhunya is next!
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i'm always a bit scared when i start reading these war!au fics because YOU CAN NEVER KNOW WHAT HAPPENS and when my heart is being stomped to the ground! this wasn't _that_sad_ luckily, though the overall sadness is of course always present :<
awwwww poor sami _<
but still, yay that you're continuing this!! <3