writetomyheart | [TEAM TWO] roadtrip regrets

back with some MDZS! post-canon, jiang cheng suffering from wangxian lol.

Could he have been bewitched?

This was Jiang Cheng's current theory. There was no logical reason why he should be exemplifying the role of a light bulb on this honeymoon. Though he was unmarried himself, he was certain that honeymoons were a thing that the couple did on their own. Bringing him along (as a what? Chaperone?) made no sense. Was he there just to be fed dogfood? Had Wei Wuxian gained a new fetish along with his new body? Roadtrips, Jiang Cheng concluded, were quite probably the stupidest idea mankind had ever had.

"I need to return to the sect," said Jiang Cheng, for the thousandth time.

"We're reconnecting, so, no," replied Wei Wuxian, also for the thousandth time.

These days, Jiang Cheng found himself wondering on a daily basis whether anyone would really mind if he tied Wei Wuxian up and left him in a cave somewhere. He was sure Lan Wangji that damn deviant would thank him for it. As if cued, Lan Wangji looked at him solemnly and said: "Brother-in-law, the sect will run without you."

Jiang Cheng choked and actually tasted blood in the back of his throat. He knew, he just knew that Lan Wangji was completely aware of how much he hated being called brother-in-law by a man, specifically a man named Lan Wangji, and he was doing it precisely because of this. Jiang Cheng decided to cut his losses and go back to ignoring them. If he ignored them for long enough, maybe Wei Wuxian would get bored and let him leave.

"Second Brother Lan, you know just what I want to say," Wei Wuxian laughed, hooking his arm around Lan Wangji's. Knowing that this was usually the prelude to some highly disturbing behaviour, Jiang Cheng just walked faster so they could be disgusting behind him instead of right in front of his eyes.

To be honest, they all knew that if Jiang Cheng really wanted to leave, he could have left days ago. He could have even refused to come on the trip to begin with. If Wei Wuxian was to describe the current situation, he would probably explain that Jiang Cheng had an incurable mensao disease and could only be "forced" into doing things even if he secretly wanted to do them. As Wei Wuxian was not describing it, and Jiang Cheng didn't know what the word mensao meant, Jiang Cheng felt he was obviously being a magnanimous sibling who nobly suffered his brother's foolish whims.

On the bright side, at least the scenery (other than the obscene act being perpetrated behind him) was beautiful. Jiang Cheng had never had reason to travel so far from home before; there had always been some new problem with the sect, some other lead on Wei Wuxian's reincarnation. He hadn't ever just travelled for the sake of travelling, which was what they were doing now. In fact, this new serenity (other than the unholy soundtrack that was his brother and his brother's husband flirting) was ideal for contemplating the Dao. If only Jiang Cheng could do that undisturbed.

"I'm going to stay in a different inn today," Jiang Cheng informed the two, without turning around.

"...Why?" Wei Wuxian asked, after a pause. He sounded suspiciously out of breath. A vein pulsed in Jiang Cheng's forehead.

"Ask your cold fish Lan Wangji why," Jiang Cheng retorted immediately, after which his mind caught up to his mouth and he remembered that Lan Wangji had the EQ of a boulder and therefore couldn't possibly understand Jiang Cheng's suffering. Before he could rectify this mistake, Wei Wuxian had already opened his mouth.

"How can you call our Lan Wangji a cold fish? Do you know how mensao he is? No, you can't imagine, I also can't show it to you, but he is so mensao. Your poor brother's back can't take it!"

"What does mensao mean," asked Jiang Cheng, even though he knew he was going to regret it. His mouth just spoke without permission from his brain.

"Ah? You don't know mensao? Actually, I've always thought you are quite mensao yourself..."

With a faint sense of dread, Jiang Cheng stopped and turned to look at Wei Wuxian, who was rubbing his chin with a profound look on his face. Lan Wangji, on the other hand, was radiating a distinctly chilly aura as he glared at Jiang Cheng. For some reason, Jiang Cheng felt like he had accidentally landed in the middle of a couple fight.

"You don't need to explain," he said, scowling back at Lan Wangji. He wasn't going to start a fight, but no one said he couldn't make a face.

"No, you must know! Mensao is when you're cold on the outside but, mm," Wei Wuxian leered, "hot on the inside, you know?"

"Brother-in-law can rest assured, I don't believe you are mensao," Lan Wangji said, as if he was trying to be comforting. Jiang Cheng knew better. This must be an insult. But since he was all too aware from Wei Wuxian's expression what he meant by 'hot', Jiang Cheng didn't contradict Lan Wangji. Instead, he pretended the entire conversation hadn't happened and turned back to continue walking. Sometimes, silence was clearly the best option for everyone.

Unfortunately, Wei Wuxian didn't agree.

"Jiang Cheng, since we're talking about this, how's it going, huh? You need to find a good wife to handle your affairs, you aren't the type who can be single..."

"Jin Ling told me he had some options in mind, we should look through his list together, I also must approve of future sister-in-law..."

"Jiang Cheng? Hey, could it be you prefer a brother-in-law? It's okay, your brother already has the experience, my heart is big and I can share..."

Jiang Cheng looked at the sky and thought wistfully about homicide.

over to you,

shinysylver!