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writetomyheart2020-12-08 04:29 pm
faded-lace.livejournal.com) wrote in writetomyheart2020-12-08 04:29 pm
Entry tags:
[Team two] Security
Sorry for being late again! I was inspired to write this pairing after approximately a zillion years by Reia and Jinguji looking cute together at the Dream Boys press conference a while back, ![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
snowqueenofhoth suddenly getting interested in Reia, Jinguji recently talking on Shokura about how he still sleeps with a security blanket, and of course, the Junior concert at the end of November. We may not have that many opportunities to see them together these days, but this pairing will be in my heart forever (and after seeing them together on Toriniku and in Dream Boys last year, I feel very firmly like I am justified in that, lol.)
Just a warning that this takes a vaguely negative view of King, so if that would upset you, please read with caution! It's relatively minor and in passing, but please be forewarned.
"Tomorrow," Reia repeats, looking at Jinguji expectantly as they stand together in Jinguji's Imperial Theatre dressing room during a break in Dream Boys rehearsals. "It's the Junior concert in Saitama, so I'm not going to be here tomorrow, remember? So you're going to have to take care of yourself for a whole day, if you can manage that."
Jinguji can tell that Reia is teasing him, baiting him for a reaction, but before he can even make space in his brain to engage in the sort of flirtatious bickering that they so often fall back on, he has to figure out how to deal with the sudden explosion of panic that is currently blocking out all else, white and hot on the backs of his eyes. At 23 years of age, he is very much an adult, and frankly, it's been almost 2 years since debut and more like 4 or 5 years since he was able to spend most of his time with Reia by his side, always comforting, always reassuring that even if Jinguji wasn't able to do something for himself, Reia would make sure that it was taken care of... but yet somehow, even now, when it's just him looking out for himself, it feels like he can't ever get his footing, can't ever keep his brain clear of the constant niggling panic that something is going to go wrong because he's overlooked something major.
It's all a mess, really, everything around him-- Kishi, who can barely stay standing on his own two feet not to mention look out for himself not to mention having any spare space in his brain for Jinguji, is his only companion for the most part these days, after everything that had happened with Genki. Jinguji still feels guilty about that in some part of his gut, for not asking if he was okay, for not trying to take on some of the burden, even if Genki had never been one to open up to others for help. But somehow, it's impossible to get that out of his mouth anyway, and instead it always turns defensive, that it wasn't his responsibility, that it's not his fault that Genki got sicker and sicker until he couldn't work anymore, which then just makes him feel more guilty, which then makes him more defensive, and... But either way, Genki isn't around anymore, which makes making sure Kishi doesn't accidentally kill himself one of these days all Jinguji's responsibility, because the other three, caught up in their fame and their careers and probably in feeling great about themselves for how superior they are to Jinguji and Kishi (or maybe the way they look at him isn't actually condescending and it's all in Jinguji's head?) certainly aren't much help.
And when Reia had been around, he hadn't had to worry, because somehow Reia could do anything-- Reia always knew what Jinguji was thinking and what he needed, had snacks ready when he was getting cranky from hunger, was already rubbing his shoulders before Jinguji even realized how tense he had become, knew all the right words to get straight to the heart of Jinguji's anxieties and wash them away, like the way laundry detergent always perfectly removes the stain in such a satisfying way in TV commercials. It had always been hard to admit when they were kids, hard to admit that he even had problems because that was admitting that he wasn't perfect, which was admitting weakness, which was opening himself up to criticism, which caused all the anxiety to double, and he knows that he had always been stupid and that maybe that was in some part related to why they were in the situation they were in now. Which is another anxiety for another time (and how did he even end up on this train of thought?!) but at the very least, having Reia in Dream Boys with him for the past two years has been such a huge relief that, in the midst of everything else going on in his life and his career and the world in general, he wanted the play to never end.
It's certainly not ending-- in fact, it hasn't even opened-- but now, finding out that Reia isn't going to be around for tomorrow's rehearsals feels almost like it is, feels almost like the world is ending. Which is stupid, because it's one day, and Jinguji has made it through plenty of days without Reia in his life, but somehow, the expectation that Reia was going to be there only to find out that he wasn't is too much for Jinguji's wired-up brain to handle. The first fallback is always to blame Reia, and sure enough, before he can stop himself, before he can even think, he finds himself snapping, "Why didn't you tell me before?!" despite the fact that he is absolutely certain that Reia had at some point in the past. Somehow, it's impossible not to be defensive, and it's something he looks back on in shame and frustration but can't seem to stop no matter how had he tries.
But Reia, in his infinite grace and perfection, does what he always does even though, Jinguji knows, deep down, he doesn't really deserve it-- he smiles apologetically and puts his hand on Jinguji's shoulder comfortingly and replies, "I mentioned it last week, remember? But I'm sorry I didn't remind you sooner."
And just as always, Jinguji blubbers, "W-Well, what am I supposed to do without you here, then?!" As if, despite being well into adulthood and well into his career, he can't handle a day of rehearsals without Reia there to bring him food and drinks and help him relax when he gets too high strung. Which of course, he can, but it's just so much easier, so much less scary to face when he has Reia there keeping the white-hot whirlwind of panic from wreaking havoc on his brain.
Reia simply smiles, sliding his arm further along Jinguji's shoulders to pull him into a half-hug, the scent of his perfume encompassing Jinguji in the familiar sense of stability and calm that he so desperately needs. "You're going to show up for rehearsal and do your best and wow everyone with your aura and talent, as always," he replies quietly into Jinguji's ear, the gentle, sweet sound of his voice causing Jinguji's tense limbs to uncoil almost like magic. He knows it's bullshit, because he is very aware that he has never wowed any type of staff or director with his aura and talent, but when Reia says it, somehow, he can't help but believe it a little bit, not in a defensive way, not in a blustering show of overconfidence to hide his insecurities... he just does. Because it's Reia.
But it's still somehow so hard to come around and handle the situation maturely-- no matter how much he wants to, the words get caught in his throat and he can't make them pass. And so, "...what if I die without you here," he mumbles grumpily, putting his arms around Reia's waist and pulling him closer like a giant security blanket.
Reia laughs, that laugh like a bell, or a song, or whatever thousands of other romantic, picturesque things one might compare it to, but whatever it sounds like, it's the only laugh in the world that makes Jinguji feel calmer rather than scared and attacked. He loves Reia so much that it makes him want to cry sometimes, or otherwise scream and explode into a thousand pieces because he can't express it to save his life, but all he can do right now is hold Reia tighter. In response, Reia leans against him, resting his head on Jinguji's shoulder and putting his arms around Jinguji's back and saying in that soothing voice, "You're not going to die, and I'm going to come to your place just as soon as the concert is done. Okay?"
And just like Pavlov's dogs, Jinguji finds himself relaxing further into Reia's embrace, his anxiety melting away. He pouts a little more, but it's surprisingly easy to reply, "...okay," quietly into Reia's hair as he holds on, refusing to let go just yet. Perhaps this isn't healthy; perhaps Reia isn't a suitable coping mechanism for all the things that make the inside of his head so chaotic at times, but just the thought of trying to figure it out feels insurmountable. And so at least for right now, even if it's wrong, he can't help but cling to the one person who really understands him, the one person who has ever made him feel truly safe and accepted.
They stay that way for what feels like a few seconds but is, Jinguji has a sneaking suspicion, probably much longer. Jinguji knows he has to pull himself together for a variety of reasons (the fact that they're only on a short break and have to get back to rehearsal once BiShounen has finished on the stage not the least of them), but it always feels like torture to let go of the warmth and security that is Reia. Still it's not exactly like he relishes being walked in on, either, though, so with a deep breath, he manages to draw back slightly, catching Reia's eye with a half-smile.
"What~?" Reia asks with a playful grin, raising his eyebrows at Jinguji's expression. Teasing and mischievous is Reia's default state of being, and while Jinguji tends to get easily flustered by his good-natured prodding, he can't help but think in moments of clarity like this one that Reia really is so beautiful just the way he is, the way he's always been and the way he has the courage to continue to be, unashamed, unapologetic, just himself. It's something Jinguji would never have the guts to do himself, and while sometimes, still, he feels threatened by Reia's strength, more and more, he just feels lucky to have been the one that Reia has chosen.
And so, with that knowledge bolstering his confidence, he grins a little more cockily and says, "Are you gonna survive without me tomorrow?"
And by the way Reia grins that exasperated, loving grin of his and shoves Jinguji in the shoulder while laughing that beautiful laugh, Jinguji thinks, no matter how messy things get, no matter how chaotic his life is, as long as Reia is there, he'll make it through somehow.
Your turn,dusk037!
snowqueenofhoth suddenly getting interested in Reia, Jinguji recently talking on Shokura about how he still sleeps with a security blanket, and of course, the Junior concert at the end of November. We may not have that many opportunities to see them together these days, but this pairing will be in my heart forever (and after seeing them together on Toriniku and in Dream Boys last year, I feel very firmly like I am justified in that, lol.)Just a warning that this takes a vaguely negative view of King, so if that would upset you, please read with caution! It's relatively minor and in passing, but please be forewarned.
"Tomorrow," Reia repeats, looking at Jinguji expectantly as they stand together in Jinguji's Imperial Theatre dressing room during a break in Dream Boys rehearsals. "It's the Junior concert in Saitama, so I'm not going to be here tomorrow, remember? So you're going to have to take care of yourself for a whole day, if you can manage that."
Jinguji can tell that Reia is teasing him, baiting him for a reaction, but before he can even make space in his brain to engage in the sort of flirtatious bickering that they so often fall back on, he has to figure out how to deal with the sudden explosion of panic that is currently blocking out all else, white and hot on the backs of his eyes. At 23 years of age, he is very much an adult, and frankly, it's been almost 2 years since debut and more like 4 or 5 years since he was able to spend most of his time with Reia by his side, always comforting, always reassuring that even if Jinguji wasn't able to do something for himself, Reia would make sure that it was taken care of... but yet somehow, even now, when it's just him looking out for himself, it feels like he can't ever get his footing, can't ever keep his brain clear of the constant niggling panic that something is going to go wrong because he's overlooked something major.
It's all a mess, really, everything around him-- Kishi, who can barely stay standing on his own two feet not to mention look out for himself not to mention having any spare space in his brain for Jinguji, is his only companion for the most part these days, after everything that had happened with Genki. Jinguji still feels guilty about that in some part of his gut, for not asking if he was okay, for not trying to take on some of the burden, even if Genki had never been one to open up to others for help. But somehow, it's impossible to get that out of his mouth anyway, and instead it always turns defensive, that it wasn't his responsibility, that it's not his fault that Genki got sicker and sicker until he couldn't work anymore, which then just makes him feel more guilty, which then makes him more defensive, and... But either way, Genki isn't around anymore, which makes making sure Kishi doesn't accidentally kill himself one of these days all Jinguji's responsibility, because the other three, caught up in their fame and their careers and probably in feeling great about themselves for how superior they are to Jinguji and Kishi (or maybe the way they look at him isn't actually condescending and it's all in Jinguji's head?) certainly aren't much help.
And when Reia had been around, he hadn't had to worry, because somehow Reia could do anything-- Reia always knew what Jinguji was thinking and what he needed, had snacks ready when he was getting cranky from hunger, was already rubbing his shoulders before Jinguji even realized how tense he had become, knew all the right words to get straight to the heart of Jinguji's anxieties and wash them away, like the way laundry detergent always perfectly removes the stain in such a satisfying way in TV commercials. It had always been hard to admit when they were kids, hard to admit that he even had problems because that was admitting that he wasn't perfect, which was admitting weakness, which was opening himself up to criticism, which caused all the anxiety to double, and he knows that he had always been stupid and that maybe that was in some part related to why they were in the situation they were in now. Which is another anxiety for another time (and how did he even end up on this train of thought?!) but at the very least, having Reia in Dream Boys with him for the past two years has been such a huge relief that, in the midst of everything else going on in his life and his career and the world in general, he wanted the play to never end.
It's certainly not ending-- in fact, it hasn't even opened-- but now, finding out that Reia isn't going to be around for tomorrow's rehearsals feels almost like it is, feels almost like the world is ending. Which is stupid, because it's one day, and Jinguji has made it through plenty of days without Reia in his life, but somehow, the expectation that Reia was going to be there only to find out that he wasn't is too much for Jinguji's wired-up brain to handle. The first fallback is always to blame Reia, and sure enough, before he can stop himself, before he can even think, he finds himself snapping, "Why didn't you tell me before?!" despite the fact that he is absolutely certain that Reia had at some point in the past. Somehow, it's impossible not to be defensive, and it's something he looks back on in shame and frustration but can't seem to stop no matter how had he tries.
But Reia, in his infinite grace and perfection, does what he always does even though, Jinguji knows, deep down, he doesn't really deserve it-- he smiles apologetically and puts his hand on Jinguji's shoulder comfortingly and replies, "I mentioned it last week, remember? But I'm sorry I didn't remind you sooner."
And just as always, Jinguji blubbers, "W-Well, what am I supposed to do without you here, then?!" As if, despite being well into adulthood and well into his career, he can't handle a day of rehearsals without Reia there to bring him food and drinks and help him relax when he gets too high strung. Which of course, he can, but it's just so much easier, so much less scary to face when he has Reia there keeping the white-hot whirlwind of panic from wreaking havoc on his brain.
Reia simply smiles, sliding his arm further along Jinguji's shoulders to pull him into a half-hug, the scent of his perfume encompassing Jinguji in the familiar sense of stability and calm that he so desperately needs. "You're going to show up for rehearsal and do your best and wow everyone with your aura and talent, as always," he replies quietly into Jinguji's ear, the gentle, sweet sound of his voice causing Jinguji's tense limbs to uncoil almost like magic. He knows it's bullshit, because he is very aware that he has never wowed any type of staff or director with his aura and talent, but when Reia says it, somehow, he can't help but believe it a little bit, not in a defensive way, not in a blustering show of overconfidence to hide his insecurities... he just does. Because it's Reia.
But it's still somehow so hard to come around and handle the situation maturely-- no matter how much he wants to, the words get caught in his throat and he can't make them pass. And so, "...what if I die without you here," he mumbles grumpily, putting his arms around Reia's waist and pulling him closer like a giant security blanket.
Reia laughs, that laugh like a bell, or a song, or whatever thousands of other romantic, picturesque things one might compare it to, but whatever it sounds like, it's the only laugh in the world that makes Jinguji feel calmer rather than scared and attacked. He loves Reia so much that it makes him want to cry sometimes, or otherwise scream and explode into a thousand pieces because he can't express it to save his life, but all he can do right now is hold Reia tighter. In response, Reia leans against him, resting his head on Jinguji's shoulder and putting his arms around Jinguji's back and saying in that soothing voice, "You're not going to die, and I'm going to come to your place just as soon as the concert is done. Okay?"
And just like Pavlov's dogs, Jinguji finds himself relaxing further into Reia's embrace, his anxiety melting away. He pouts a little more, but it's surprisingly easy to reply, "...okay," quietly into Reia's hair as he holds on, refusing to let go just yet. Perhaps this isn't healthy; perhaps Reia isn't a suitable coping mechanism for all the things that make the inside of his head so chaotic at times, but just the thought of trying to figure it out feels insurmountable. And so at least for right now, even if it's wrong, he can't help but cling to the one person who really understands him, the one person who has ever made him feel truly safe and accepted.
They stay that way for what feels like a few seconds but is, Jinguji has a sneaking suspicion, probably much longer. Jinguji knows he has to pull himself together for a variety of reasons (the fact that they're only on a short break and have to get back to rehearsal once BiShounen has finished on the stage not the least of them), but it always feels like torture to let go of the warmth and security that is Reia. Still it's not exactly like he relishes being walked in on, either, though, so with a deep breath, he manages to draw back slightly, catching Reia's eye with a half-smile.
"What~?" Reia asks with a playful grin, raising his eyebrows at Jinguji's expression. Teasing and mischievous is Reia's default state of being, and while Jinguji tends to get easily flustered by his good-natured prodding, he can't help but think in moments of clarity like this one that Reia really is so beautiful just the way he is, the way he's always been and the way he has the courage to continue to be, unashamed, unapologetic, just himself. It's something Jinguji would never have the guts to do himself, and while sometimes, still, he feels threatened by Reia's strength, more and more, he just feels lucky to have been the one that Reia has chosen.
And so, with that knowledge bolstering his confidence, he grins a little more cockily and says, "Are you gonna survive without me tomorrow?"
And by the way Reia grins that exasperated, loving grin of his and shoves Jinguji in the shoulder while laughing that beautiful laugh, Jinguji thinks, no matter how messy things get, no matter how chaotic his life is, as long as Reia is there, he'll make it through somehow.
Your turn,
dusk037!