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[rin-aokuro.livejournal.com]

So here's some angsty kyomohoku, G, 540-ish words.

Regrets? 

Across the table, Taiga shifted awkwardly, like his seat had just suddenly become uncomfortable. The others mostly looked thoughtful, but Juri was frowning at the interviewer, like he wanted to object to the question but couldn’t quite decide whether he should. 

Hokuto agreed. It was rather invasive, to be quite honest. To ask about people’s regrets just like that.

Especially when there were so many.

Like the time he wrote and deleted about fifteen versions of one answer to Taiga’s text message. Frustrated with his inability to form sensible sentences, he ended up answering nothing, thus leaving Taiga hanging for days until they met at work and mutually pretended Taiga had never messaged Hokuto for any reason at all, ever.

Then, of course, there were all the times when he had simply wanted to avoid having to spend time alone with Taiga. How many times had he lurked in the corridor or in a bathroom, just waiting for someone else to arrive before him? 

Before those there was also the time he kissed Taiga in the dance room before a dance practice. A soft, hesitant press of lips, fingertips brushing against each other’s hands, bodies shyly leaning closer, until the door banged open and they snapped apart, and the only reason they weren’t caught was that Jesse was looking over his shoulder and talking to Kochi while stepping into the room. He didn’t regret the kiss though. What he regretted was never bringing it up again.

He looked up. Taiga hastily dropped his eyes to his water bottle that stood on the table.

It all was many years in the past. They had matured a lot since then. They worked well together. They were friends. They liked each other. They were fine now. 

Shintaro gently nudged his leg under the table. Startled, he focused his gaze on the people around the table instead of staring into the middle distance. Everyone was looking at him, their faces reflecting various stages of confusion and expectancy. Everyone except Taiga.

Funny, how a small question from an unsuspecting interviewer could send him spiraling like this, after all those years.

Hokuto flashed a wide grin, one bright enough to fool any reporter.

“Why, thank you for asking! You know, there was this Nepalese restaurant near our recording studio that I had wanted to try for months but never had the time time. Last week I finally went there but it just wasn’t there anymore! The owner has retired, apparently. And I’ve been so devastated about it!”

After him Jesse instantly launched into a similar story, drawing the attention to himself. 

Hokuto glanced at Taiga again. Taiga raised a brow, like he knew exactly what had passed through Hokuto’s mind. Then Taiga looked away, fixing his gaze on Jesse and smiling at the silly tale of Jesse’s bad choices at a Korean restaurant.

Taiga’s smile was pretty. Had always been. Feeling his heartbeat pick up, Hokuto forced his eyes to move towards Jesse’s direction as well, though he was hardly looking at him.

It was all in the past. Both he and Taiga had grown up. They worked well together. They were friends and they liked each other. 

He was not fine at all.

Comments

[damagea.livejournal.com]

I forgot that I hadn't commented on this one...

Ahhhhh it's so so so SAD :((((! Like really, the whole atmosphere in this fic is just purely sad. Aaaaand the situation is just so... human 😭 Maybe that's the reason why it's so sad indeed because you've managed to write it so that it has this "ahhh I know the feeling!!!" (although I've never been in a situation that would be exactly like that, but ANYWAY) and all the example situations about Hokuto's regrets are very believable.

It was all in the past. Both he and Taiga had grown up. They worked well together. They were friends and they liked each other. 

He was not fine at all.

THIS ending was a punch right in the guts. Like seriously. And again, such a believable scene with all that reassuring yourself that everything's JUST FINE while nothing's fine. We humans tend to do that kind of stuff quite often, and it's so easy to make oneself believe things are fine when they really aren't...

Thank you so much for writing and sharing this!!! Ahhhh my poor Kyomohoku heart ;;;;!!! This reminded me again of how much I love them because they make me have all these FEELS siiiigh...