[Team Three] Untitled Bob's Burgers

Doing a silly one this time. 661 words of Bob's Burgers; the strongest word in it is "poop."

“I’ll get to the bottom of this!”

“Looks like you already did, Gene,” Louise said.

Gene, who was standing on his chair, planted both hands on the kitchen table and leaned down. “No joking around, team! This is crunch time!”

“Gene—” Bob said.

“Let him solve the case, Dad,” Tina said. “He always gets his flan.”

Bob sighed. Gene, Linda, and Louise made varying levels of “ehhhh” noises.

“What? We’re doing dessert puns.”

“Yeah, no, it’s just—” Linda said.

“What do you mean we,” Gene said at about the same time.

Interrupting both of them, Louise said, “You can’t just throw everything at the wall and see what sticks, woman! We’re not doing ‘dessert puns’! We have a specific dessert on our hands here — or not on our hands — the empty carton of toffee potato chip caramel ice cream Dad got at Fig Jam— ”

“Which Gene clearly ate by himself alarmingly fast,” Bob said, “which I feel like we’re losing focus on."

“I’m innocent!” Gene protested. “Let’s start by dusting for fingerprints!”

“Gene, honey,” Linda said. “We walked into the kitchen and you were holding the empty ice cream carton and a spoon.”

“You’re still holding the spoon,” Bob pointed out. “You’ve been getting droplets of melted ice cream all over waving that thing around.”

“Yeah, at least put it down, honey.”

“It was like this when I got here!” Gene gesticulated with the dirty spoon a little too hard and it went flying out of his hand and hit one of the lower kitchen cabinets. It sounded almost like the cabinet said “ow!” Gene, though, seemed not to notice and turned to point an accusatory finger at Tina. “And ‘flan’ doesn’t rhyme with ‘man’ if you pronounce it right!”

“Wait,” Tina said. “Did anyone else hear that?”

“I did,” Bob said. He went to the cabinet that now had a dab of melted ice cream and a small dent on its door. “Is there some kinda animal—“

Inside the cabinet under his kitchen counter were Andy and Ollie Pesto, each holding a bowl of ice cream that they were eating with forks. They did look a bit like furtive little possums caught in the overhead light, staring up at him with those freaky saucer eyes.

“I have a lot of questions,” Bob said.

Gene cleared his throat loudly. “Looks like everyone here owes me an apology.”

“Sorry Gene,” Ollie said.

“Sorry Gene,” Andy said.

“Not you guys, you’re good,” Gene said.

“There is something about them that you just can’t hold morally responsible,” Tina said.

“I don’t think that’s true,” Bob said.

“Like blaming the tide for washing up the beach,” Tina went on.

“Or a seagull for pooping on your car,” Gene added.

“They’re just weird little kids,” Bob said. “Louise, get out of there.”

“It’s weird,” Louise said, climbing into the cabinet with Andy and Ollie, “you guys have two separate bowls of ice cream. Trouble in paradise?” The twins exchanged a horrified look with each other, looked down at their ice cream, and before they could take any further action Louise was at the ready to grab Andy’s hand and shove his fork into Ollie’s bowl, deftly relieving Andy of his ice cream as she did.

“Whew!” Andy said. “Thanks Louise!”

“Yeah!” Ollie said. “That was close. Let’s switch forks!”

“Well played, Louise,” Bob said. She smirked up at him from her position curled up inside the cabinet. Bob had kind of imagined Louise would come back up to the table with what remained of the yuppie toffee potato chip caramel ice cream, since she didn’t have anything to eat it with.

“Thanks, Dad, but I should really thank you guys,” Louise said. She brought the ice cream up to her face and chomped directly down on it like she was biting an apple. “Growing up with this family,” she went on with her mouth full, “made me an expert in dealing with all kinds of weirdos.”

bluedreaming, you're up! Hope the turkey didn't give you too much attitude.

[Team Three] Untitled Bob's Burgers

no subject

no subject